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PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND BEFORE READING: This blog/journal is organized in a certain way. The most recent updates are at the bottom and the oldest are at the top. I hope you enjoy my chaotic life and mind, thank you. [You are allowed to just skip the first couple of weeks and go straight to the most recent if you please, The oldest stuff is a bit boring.]
Another note: if anyone was wondering, Yes I did change my name on here, I didn't like using my real name incase anyone found this accidentally.
No clue what I am doing. This is a test run.
Slowly figuring things out.
Got this idea from a good friend.
6/11/22
Currently 1am. Wondering if I should sleep at all tonight. Although I wonder that every night.
7/11/22
I woke up to a friend request from someone I thought I'd never speak to again. I don't know how to feel about it.
Sitting down thinking about school and the exams which start on Tuesday, if I don't do well my mother will kill me. I'll do my best; I always aim for the best. I have to.
Thinking about people I have known in the past and reminding myself of our friendship and memories. But my current friends are better, I couldn't ask for a better best friend, we said if we are both not married by the age of 40, we shall get married and have an open marriage. It's nearly been a year since we became best friends, the time flew by.
17/11/22
It has been a good few days since I last updated my blog and others.
20/11/22
Watching one of my best friends singing her heart out to some songs, of course I joined in.
12/12/22
I always tell people I'm busy almost all the time, and sure that might be true, but sometimes I'm busy doing nothing, when I say I'm busy, what I really mean is, my mind is busy.
Spoken to an old friend today, didn't realize how different we are to each other, people say opposites attract, but others say they push each other away.
My mother asked me why I liked thunderstorms so much, in which I replied, "Because it shows that even nature needs to scream sometimes"
14/12/22
I am just patiently waiting until the Christmas break so I can finally breathe. I am getting an Oculus Quest 2 and I am so excited to the point where I keep watching YouTube videos about them, the Oculus will almost be my escape from reality, I will just put the headset on, and I will be in a different world, a different mind. A mind that isn't going through the same shit.
I am listening to a podcast by the name of "Get your shit together" I clicked on it the second it came up in my notifications bar.
22/12/22
I need to take a break from everyone, I'm sick of being pushed around and used as basically a slave just because I happen to be the youngest in the family but yet I feel like an adult. My body therapist says I have an old mind on young shoulders, I know too much for my age.
Aside from all that, I am making PIZZA SUBS! I hope they aren't burning while I'm typing this.
25/1/23
I got the worst news of my life the other day and honestly, I don't know how to feel, I don't know how I'm going to live after February. I'm going to be back in the same sad routine as I was in in first year.
Speaking of first year, allow me to take the time to explain how it was for me, beginning of the year: went from friend to friend to friend until I met S. Best friends for 2 months until they backstabbed me and betrayed me randomly. Then I had no one, absolutely no one, I woke up, went to school, not a word said to me all day, repeat for 7 months. I was an outcast, the "Quiet" kid as some will call it. S told me that the only reason she was friends with me was because she was bored waiting for N to come back to her, so she used me to pass time. Then I was constantly insulted for months and told no one. Up until i met E towards the end of the year, now I cant imagine a time without her. 2nd year has been fine (although S still hasn't stopped fully) Up until now, my grades have been okay but I will try improve anyway, I say that but yet I know Ill just sleep all day.
13/2/2023
I've been outside all day. I find that weird because I'm always inside. My house is surrounded by fields and mountains so its very quiet. I decided to get away from everything for a while since the past few days have just been weird and went on a walk, I walked and walked across many fields until I seen an abandoned oil tank in the middle of a field, which was also surrounded by more fields, there was no one to be seen so I climbed up on to the oil tank and closed my eyes, just letting the wind glide through my hair, for once in my life I was at peace, even if it was only for a few seconds, everything was fine, I wish everyone had experienced that, at least once. From now on ill be sitting there for at least an hour every day.
I also went on a very very fast paced walk with my mam, she walks on the same route every single day and she asked me to join her, so I did. It was actually an okay walk, we talked about things that annoy us and how the world has changed over the past few decades. I had a lot to say of course since I adore talking about things that annoy me or make my skin crawl. My best friends don't really like talking about deep stuff, except for R, she always talks with me for hours and its always fun, we normally stay up all night by accident, but we just shrug it off and keep chatting. E isn't a fan of deep conversations, I think that's because she has never tried, it could be really good for her to just let it out, I would never judge her or anything, I just think it could be nice.
But aside from all that, the mid-term has been going quite slow for me, probably since I'm alone all the time. I'm not sad about it, I don't want to go back to school at all whatsoever since I failed the last math's test, Mr. D probably wont leave me alone now.
Dang I've been talking for a while today, Ill talk more tomorrow, I wonder if random people actually read this.
Also its Valentines Day tomorrow and obviously I am alone. I don't mind being alone really, okay part of that is a lie.
I've been listening to the same song on repeat all day, Its Called: Freefall is the name of the song, and yes, the ''Its Called'' is part of the name. Its not the type of song id normally put on repeat but oh well, its still a good one. I've also gotten really good at rapping Hamilton songs.
R I KNOW UR READING THIS, WILL U BE MY PLATONIC VALENTINE MY LOVE?
SHE SAID YESSS.
14/2/23
Today is Valentines Day, woohooo. R is staying at my house tonight and is currently watching me type this [help me] Today I cleaned the oil tank that I spoke about before and someone came up to me and thought I was spray painting it, but no, sadly I'm not a criminal. I got all the fungus off of it and now it is safe for me to sit on whenever I please. Id like to think I done the owner of the field a favor for cleaning his oil tank for absolutely no reason other then the fact its my sitting spot. I wonder if anyone actually reads this. Other than the 2 people that I KNOW reads this. [that includes R obviously]
Its cold.
16/2/23
I received a bracelet from one of my best friends today.
I will wear it for the rest of my life.
I didn't go back up to the oil tank today, I'm not quite sure why, I just don't feel like walking.
There's a song stuck in my head.
17/2/23
The past 2 days have been terrible.
I've been outside all day because I cannot stay in my house anymore because of my sister and her boyfriend, I tried to block it all out with music but its not enough, I couldn't find my coat for ages so I just gave up and grabbed my mothers one, I asked for permission don't worry. I sat outside in the cold alone for hours just scrolling on Tiktok.
I'm feeling confused right now.
19/2/23
I just completed a Spanish blog I had to send in to my teacher, personally I think it went well. I'm currently sitting at my Technical Graphics desk which is placed up against my window, I have the window open and the cool air is comforting, I can hear children playing in the field behind my house, which is where my windows facing, from what I gathered they are fighting because someone ''peeked in Hide N' Seek'' I only have my window open a small bit since I don't want any flies or bugs creeping in here when I'm not looking.
Its a bit cloudy today, but that doesn't bother me, I'm not a fan of sunny weather since I get sunburned really easily, which is my hair colors fault, I'm a strawberry blonde would ya believe it. And apparently that makes me a target to the suns rays.
I'm thinking about writing a novel, I'm aware that I'm only 14 and writing a novel would take up a lot of my time and energy, but that wont stop me. My main concern is: Would people actually read it? I'm sure my friends and family would, but I'm not sure if they would relate as much as people all across the world, plus, making a novel is expensive and everyone knows my mother would not be on board with draining my college funds. If I even have college funds that is.
20/2/23
I completed a ton of work today, I finished all the Spanish work from today in less then 20 mins, god I was on a roll. I tried to complete as much of my mathematics CBA as I possibly could but I need to go outside and measure stuff and sadly I'm not too fond of going out in the dark.
My Alexa/Echo/Robot assistant/Loud bitch seems to be very fond of 80s music since she keeps managing to play every single song that happens to be from that time, and the thing is, I barley have any 80s songs in my liked playlist. Well, I have a specific playlist dedicated to 80s and 90s music but that's because it absolutely slaps. You just cant beat older music. I like todays music but you never get the same vibe as 80s shit.
You wanna know something I find funny, I don't care I'm gonna say it anyway. My best friend and I have the EXACT SAME music taste, I compared our liked playlists and I could only find ONE song I didn't have in mine. [maybe it was 2 or 3 songs but anyways idfk]
I try to keep this journal PG but sometimes when I'm happy or excited ill say the most random shit ever and yet PEOPLE STILL LAUGH, HOW? IDK. My sisters boyfriend thinks I'm way too funny, like I literally just live my life and apparently its comedy gold.
I could go on forever about the silly shit I do but then we would all be here forever wouldn't we. So this is where I'm gonna wrap it up today, goodnight to whoever reads this.
Nevermind I'm back.
Currently on a call with one of my best friends, talking about all the times we got away with things in school.
You wanna know another thing I find funny? I'm still gonna say it anyway. Every time I laugh its a completely different type of laugh, I could come at ya with the kettle wheeze, the no breather, the loud cackle, the squeal, the list is endless, never the same. I get weird looks sometimes but I'm too busy trying to catch my breath to care.
I have to write about a novel we are reading in English tomorrow, the book is alright in my opinion but Its not really my type of book, I am more into mature books, as in, books adults would read. I just like them better. My teachers think I have a wonderful reading voice because my voice is soft but clear and quick. I remember when my English teacher made me read for like 35 minutes straight because she was sick of slow readers and wanted to actually make progress in the book that day, I didn't really mind but my mouth was very dry after all that reading, AND SHE KEPT CUTTING ME OFF, THAT WAS THE WORST PART. I would just be reading and then she stops me and says shit like ''Now everyone this part is very important and you will have to make references to this in the future.'' Then, I would try begin to read again BUT NOPE SHE WASNT DONE. SHE KEEPS GOING. And every single time I think she's done and I can finally finish the page, she adds on to what she's saying ONCE AGAIN. I didn't make a fuss though, I just kept going when she wanted and then it was passed on to another person. She only made other people read for like 10 mins.
21/2/23
I should be leaving for school soon but I have a couple minutes to update you on what I've been up to the last few hours. I slept like a log like I always do, been listening to a lot of music lately, its not a coping mechanism don't worry, I just love music. I can sing fairly well but its a hobby I like to keep private, I hate flaunting things I happen to be good at.
I don't have much plans today other than school and sleeping so ill probably end up rambling about random stuff later since I've nothing better to do.
My Alexa isn't playing my music for some reason, ill probably have to plug her in and out again. Its a common issue with Alexa owners.
I'm home now and my mother is making homemade chips.
My sister and I are planning on making some pancakes later, it should be fun.
I am thinking about making other stuff on here, other than this journal, maybe a ''Things that annoy me'' gmi? Yeah, Ill make that now.
Its basically a quarter past seven now and I've been on founder for ages, just making new files and updating others.
Also if anyone would like to chat I'm free to talk whenever, just email me at heidioleary00@gmail.com and we can exchange socials whenever.
22/2/23
I had to re-do my English homework because I didn't understand what we had to do and of course I done it wrong, I redid it and I'm fairly happy with it now. My hand hurts though.
My science CBA is almost completed, I just have to draw out a graph and write out my conclusion and I should be done pretty quickly. Its not due for like 2 more weeks so I'm surprised with my speed.
I need to figure out if I have Irish homework or not since, knowing me, I didn't write it in my journal. I've completed the rest of my homework though.
Talking to a good friend, I might be going to a concert with them, very excited right now. It all depends on if my mother says yes and if R's dad will drive us to Dublin and back.
Guess whos going to a concert? ME BABY WOOOOO
My family is fighting again but I dont care, IM GOING TO A CONCERT BABYYYY
23/2/23
Watching South Park cause I woke up a little bit earlier than usual.
I got home from school about an hour ago and I'm currently on call with R, like always.
24/2/23
I'm so excited to make burgers in Home-Eco, we haven't made anything in like 3 months because of our CBA. I hope it goes well, chances are, my home eco partner will probably put tons of toppings on them.
22/3/23
Im alive, I just sorted through my english copies and made them look a tad bit neater, I glued the not needed pages together and now it looks bulky but I do not care.
Been talking to a good friend everyday in which im excited about, I love when people talk to me.
28/3/23
Ive been talking to many people throughout the past few days and Ive been really happy.
Ive been chatting with C quite a lot and I honestly love them, we talk about school and how crazy my mam is with all of her Easter decorations. It's impossible to not smile while chatting with them.
31/3/23
Schools out for 2 weeks bitches.
Hugged C before I left school, I was almost out of my locker area before I turned around to hug them, good choice me, good choice.
Going to Rs house tomorrow along with 3 other people for a sleepover, im so excited, this week went by so quickly for me so that just made it better. It was Rs birthday so of course I got something sentimental with meaning behind it. Who would I be if I didnt do that.
My sisters going to England for 8 days which leaves me with my mam and her bf, I can already tell im going to be at my friends houses as much as possible.
The left side of my nose has been blocked for like 2 months, weird.
Im speaking with my principle soon if a specific thing happens again, basically something has been going on the past 2 years and im clearly fed up to the point I dont even care but if it happens 1 more time, yeah no im talking to him.
I gotta sneeze but I cant.
3/4/23
I made some new friends at the sleepover I mentioned a couple od days ago in which im very happy about.
I wonder who actually reads this here, im curious to who likes reading about my life and thoughts, it intrigues me.
My stomach hurts because I just drank milk. I happen to be Lactose intolerant.
Yknow playing Red Dead Redemption 2 was probably one of the best decisions of my entire life, I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for that game, and yes that sounds weird but its true.
This blog is getting quite long, should I made a blog 2.0?
I made a random thoughts page just incase anyone wanted to read stupid stuff.
5/4/23
Im bored and have nothing to do, my sister is in England for a week, my mum has work everyday and all my friends are somehow busy, I have some friends coming over during the week and I hope they like doing nothing cause my house is boring.
I made a lot of progress on rdr2 online, I've been trying to up my rank on the Collector role, it's a slow process but it pays off in rewards and exp.
The light is peeping through the side of my curtain and it's really annoying.
Had a good chat with E earlier. A new quote was created, the 3 p's: penis, pussy, peace.
God damn that's beautiful.
11/4/23
I think I should start my Cbas now, im unsure though, the spanish one is going to be crazy to remember.
For some reason im always awake before all my friends, even if I wake up at 11 they are still asleep so ive just been waiting.