💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 1235 captured on 2023-03-20 at 17:59:45. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-01-29)
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Is it okay for something to be happy and stressful at the same time? I think it must be. That is how meeting family on the holidays is like for me most of the time. I love my family, I have good relationships with them, my immediate family anyway. But there's some sort of expectation leading up to Christmas that leads me to pace the floor and toss and turn at night. I want them to be happy and satisfied with their holiday to the point where it stresses me. I know it'll be a good time when we get together; I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time I keep hearing a voice in the back of my head saying...
I can't wait til its over.
I'm not happy with that feeling, but I have trouble disputing it, and dismissing it. It's not going to ruin my holiday, I have this feeling almost every time and I always have such a good time at Christmas. It just bugs me that the feeling exists at all, but when I sit down like this and think about it, I guess its a pretty natural response.
I imagine it's like a side-effect of anticipation. I get excited about wanting something to happen that I start trying to prepare for it and while preparing for it, I wind up getting stressed. But there's something so fascinating about wanting something to happen so bad that you almost wish you didn't want it in the first place.
I had the christmas spirit back when it was snowing last week. Now it's all gone away, and it just feels like a normal boring week
Honestly, the time just before Christmas is my least favourite time of the year.
Everyone in the queue at the supermarket is fighting. Everyone has something to pick up from somewhere, or someplace to be, and they don't really want to pick it up or be there so they're morose and honk angrily. Everyone's sick of trying to impress their relatives but they're going to do it nonetheless.
It's really killing my buzz if I'm being honest. I think I was alone on Christmas three or four times during my adult life and... I can't necessarily say I had the best time, but it was definitely tranquil, and I secretly wish I could have such a peaceful Christmas a little more often.
Bartender, can I have some water, please? I'll probably burn in hell so I wanna have my fill here, I hear there's not much water there...