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Popeye

1980

1.5

This movie made me angry it's so bad. About as angry as Bluto gets in this movie.

Okay, so it's a musical with awful songs that are hardly songs to begin with. Most of them are just a single phrase repeated over and over again. It also has a ridiculous and actually really dark plot. Basically, Popeye is on a search for his long-lost father and finds a seaside town that Bluto rules over with an iron fist, arbitrarily taxing everyone for everything. He also gets angry over the smallest things and smashes everyone and everything in his path. One of the songs also seems to imply that no one in the town has money for food, so they'll eat anything they can get their hands on (I mean, the song is called "Everything Is Food", and they just sing that over and over, so what else am I supposed to assume?). Popeye and Olive Oyl fall in love because they find a baby in her basket (no, that's not a euphemism), and it turns out that Bluto had Popeye's dad tied up this whole time because he wanted him to reveal where the buried treasure was. Popeye and Olive spring his pappy, and fight Bluto, and there's a giant squid, and I guess the baby's in peril in a few points, but is saved. Oh, yeah, and the baby has psychic powers of some kind. Also, Popeye fights in a boxing match at one point so he doesn't have to pay taxes anymore.

I didn't make any of that up. That's all in this movie. It's awful. Don't watch it.