💾 Archived View for daintyeco.smol.pub › namechange captured on 2023-03-20 at 17:44:07. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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In 10 days, it'll be 2 years since I've legally changed my name.
I did so for two reasons - one, I have never identified with my old one. It wasn't ugly at all, it was a nice and cute name, and I wish I would've felt like that was me, but it just wasn't. My mum remembers still how even at a few years old, I told her "that isn't my name!" and she did ask me what else I wanna be called, but I had no ideas.
Two, I have C-PTSD and the memories and trauma involve my name.
Three, my old name was a nickname of a different name and people always thought my "real" name was the longer version and also, there were several correct ways to write it; both of these circumstances led to a lot of wrongly addressed mail, report cards, bank cards etc.
For most of my life, saying my name either felt like I was lying to everyone, or as if I had just said some sort of slur. It hurt, it made me nervous, it felt wrong. It made me blush, it made me stutter and mumble, and it made me wanna disappear.
I always tried to suppress that and hoped it would go away with the right people who called me that name in ways that would make me like it. That never happened.
My name was something shemful and wrong for me for no obvious, justifiable reason. I am a cis woman, so the name did not cause any dysphoria whatsoever, too.
But at one point, I gave up trying to make it fit. I was inspired by other people online either having an online name they chose, or also having their name legally changed, either just for fun or due to gender reasons.
I thought, why not me? I can trial it online. I can see how it feels and fits introducing myself as that online, asking people online to call me that. And so I did. Soon I asked real life people to call me that too, and it felt wonderful. Most people were respectful. Others weren't. I hope this can be somewhat of a help to trans people - it's not your fault, it's not hard at all to call people a different name, and many will easily - there are just unkind people who refuse to no matter what, even when you're cis. There is nothing you could have done differently for them to respect it, they just don't and there was no way for them to ever do so, no matter how slowly and kindly you ask or how well you pass or whatever.
Anyway, the existence of people like me also prompts others to ask themselves the same questions about names, and I love that. Usually they ask me what was wrong with my old name, how I chose my current one, and what it took to get it changed. And that's usually how we'll get to talking about their own feelings about their name. Most people I met never actually think about their name, they just see it as something being given to them that they have to deal with and make the best of and that can't be changed (really does remind you of gender, doesn't it). It's a no-brainer to them until I come along. But then usually they tell me that now that they think about it, they would probably also like to have a different name. Very rarely do I meet someone that likes their name or feels indifferent. I also often meet people who downright already know they hate theirs, but see no way out of it - the costs of the legal change and the other hurdles, introducing the new name .. all too difficult and embarassing, and I fully get that. I think sometimes I really benefitted from having basically no contact to my family, not being close with many people, and also not giving a damn about/not detecting a lot of social cues because of my autism, so announcing the name change was easier. I was able to care a lot less about what others think, than others with a lot of family members they love and a lot of friends and commitments would have to.
I am happy with the decision I made and I also hope I can inspire others to check in with their name and decide for themselves if that's what they like. I plan to keep mine for the rest of my life, but honestly, I also support people who might get multiple changes in their life. I think it should be much more normalized, accessible, and cheap/free anywhere.
I personally needed to fill out a big form for my motivations and reasons, I included a letter of my therapist recommending this change, a letter from the trade school I went to at the time written by my teachers who said I already go by that name there and it works well (insanely grateful for those people), and some official documents like my birth certificate, a copy of my ID etc. and in the end, it took a few months and cost me 200+ EUR.
You *can* buy a psychological report by a therapist for this reason (they basically do 1-3 sessions and assess you before giving you the doc recommending it), but I already went to therapy for years at that therapist, and I think that also helped in the approval process because it wasn't a bought therapist for this reason, but one that knows me well for years. In my opinion though, a psychological reason shouldn't be needed at all. Only being able to change a name because of trauma, name difficulty or switching between first names sucks. Just let people decide for themselves. And the fact that someone can just deny it for subjective reasons and you have no recourse sucks as well. Having to appease anyone about your own identity, no matter if just name or also gender, is completely backwards.
Also, everything in regards to name and identity needs to become a bit more able to correctly and efficiently reflect first name changes in general. Employers and similar places seem to be horribly prepared for someone that is not marrying or divorcing, but changing their name in other ways. If you're using PayPal for example, it's quicker and easier to just make a new account instead of going through their name change process.
Anyway, these are my two cents. Have a little fun with your name. And take some power back from the system or your parents, if you like.
𓇽 ° . ༻ 𓈒 ꒪ ๋ ° .𓏲⠀ ๋࣭ ♡ ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ⋆ ֗ ִ ᨒ .⋆ﾟ. ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ♡ 𓂂 ◌ 𓇽 ° . ๋ 𓂂 ⠀✼ 𓇽