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Instructions on using IRC -According to Cin
Bring out the obnoxious potential in you, and battle it out
with the Gods of trivial (And ever so depressing) argument.
To know what you're up against, a brief description of what
skills you need to acquire in order to be any threat in the
Obnoxious World of IRC. Feign utter interest in being right
and corrective about any, past, present or indeed, future
topic of discussion. Only you are allowed to be right.
Always remember, even if what someone else has stated is
agreeable, there is always room for correction. Simply
replying with a smiley face as such, ?:),? clearly indicates
that you are far more competent and aware than anyone else in
the channel, and so ensuring the metaphorical mass of your
penis is equal to that of your head.
If you are bored and wish to mock someone, enter the
#hack/hackers/hacking channels and ask of their excellent
craftsmanship skills claiming you wish to fashion a piece of
furniture out of your computer with an axe and are looking
for instructions.
Figure 1.
Admirable sofa
/ Monior.
/ /
\ / /
.--. .' / .--. /
||||.--------.---------.|||| ___
|||| | |||| / |
||||=======-. .-========||||__/ |
||||_________.__________|||x |
|||| |||x |
|__|--------------------|__x_______|
\
.'
/ '-.
\
\
Wires, evidence of the construction
using computer parts.
Though, like most IRC beginners, you are just looking for a
place to socialise, or for help. So if you manage to find a
server with channels where users actually do converse, then
it is better for your sense of well being as a human not to
send any messages directly to the channel, or any place where
other users can actually read and reply. In fact, it is
better to view the server's channel list and titter at the
amusing topic names. Steer clear of channels or points of
interactivity.
Unfortunately there is no intersecting category of attitude
and character in-between the dull un-interesting half-wit
conversation provided by Instant Messaging applications made
as of late (MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, Skype, Google
Talk), and the old fashioned, yet, still ever so popular
phenomenally despicable monstrosity that we know know as IRC.
Unfortunately, your operating system is a direct mirror image
of your penis size. In fact, I declare that the next major
open source operating system's logo be so phallic that no one
will notice. Because open source applications are allowed to
get away with naming such as 'GIMP'; why shouldn't it be
acceptable to symbolise your whole operating system network
on the image of a penis? Because 95% of IRC users (And Linux
operators) have heads that are close to reaching critical
mass, which are suspended by their massive internet
connections, enabling their contemptible patronising chatter
to be transported around the planet only to disturb and
hinder other internet users' prospects of living.
Figure 2.
.---. IRC user.
.====@'.__
| __' __ __ .--. Me losing the
'._ __o' | \_ _/ | x x | will to live.
,| |____|-----------|____| c >
,'.'\ /_\ /_\ \ \n_| /
. . \
As Figure 2 clearly demonstrates, it is not a pleasurable
experience.
Quite clearly, I hate IRC. More specifically, the people who
use it -but they stand for all that IRC is; A collective
compilation of bitter detestable nerds. According to reliable
sources (From IRC... Debatable), it used to be a lovely place
of information transferral and adventurous programmers awing
at the sheer braggable number of users on their server; 14.
Times change. I'm sure there is some good in IRC. But why
make this an unbiased article when I am obviously trying to
persuade you to hate it?