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This article is excerpted from the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal.
Each issue of the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal is published by
High Plains Arts and Sciences; P.O. Box 620604, Littleton Co.,
80123, a Colorado Non-Profit Corporation, under a Public Domain
Copyright, which entitles any person or group of persons to
reproduce, in any form whatsoever, any material contained therein
without restriction, so long as articles are not condensed or
abbreviated in any fashion, and credit is given the original
author.!
THE MEN'S CIRCLE
Copyright 1987, R.M.P.J.
My mother passed away last October at the age of 78 and this
has prompted some thinking on the subject of death and dying. It
was a shock when it happened but not a surprise. She was in poor
health and we all knew that it could happen at any time. The two
of us had talked about her death many times in various contexts,
and she was fully prepared in every respect. Relatives,
friends, and neighbors have been supportive and helpful to me and
my sisters. The transition from this world to the next came
quickly and without pain, as she had wanted it. When I said a
final farewell to her at Samhain, she was walking down a path in
a flowering meadow with my father, who had waited for her to join
him. Given the inevitability of death, who could ask for it to
be any easier? Still, it isn't easy and I grieve, not for my
mother, but for my loss.
During the sexual revolution of the sixties, with it's free
discussion of sex, someone noted that the only remaining taboo
subject in America was death. That's a little less so now,
mostly because of the unavoidable public discussion of the "right
to die" problem handed to all of us by the medical profession.
Even so, it is still a subject most of us prefer to avoid. Even
Pagans talk about death mostly in abstract terms, not in personal
terms. Let's take a look at death from three points of view: as
an absolute, universal condition of existence, as a final
personal experience, and as something we have to deal with when
those we love depart.
It's not hard to see why Death is part of the human
condition. We are part of the great web of diverse biological
Life on this planet. Life has developed by evolution, which is a
process of trial and error. Death is as essential to this
process as is birth. It is as important for the ill-adapted to
die as it is for the well-adapted to be born. We see this in the
life of societies as well, schools of thought, religions,
political systems, all are born, grow and die, making way for the
new. But why is the universe like this; why is life a process of
trial and error? Do we just have to accept the saying: "Life is
hard, and then you die."? Nobody has any ultimate answer, but
perhaps it is a consequence of being finite creatures in a
universe so rich in possibilities that we cannot predict all the
consequences of our actions. This makes for a lot of uncertainty
and provides for a lot of "learning experiences" (rough times)
and some "rich learning experiences" (appallingly rough times)
but it also makes life interesting. It's a paradox - death is
the price that must be paid for a life that is so worthwhile that
we don't want to give it up.
Talking about Death in the abstract is one thing, but
confronting one's own death is something else. We are not fully
adult until we have fully understood that some day we are going
to die. We are not fully mature until we have integrated that
fact and its consequences into our personal philosophies of life.
When I was in my teens and early twenties I thought often about
my own death, and decided that the worst way to go was to die at
an advanced age feeling that I had never done the things that I
most wanted. Dying without having fully lived misses the whole
point of life. It is in a real sense a sacrilege. That
conclusion made a basic change in the way I lived. My life may
not be a shining example, but I've done a lot that is worthwhile
that wouldn't have been done without that contemplation of
personal death. As Pagans we believe that death isn't the end of
everything for us. Most of us believe that we will be reborn in
this world many times, learning more and more, experiencing the
almost infinitely varied possibilities of human life. Since we
are finite beings this is necessary for us. Our lives are too
short to fully develop all our potentialities, but they are long
enough for us to become locked into habits and attitudes that
restrict further growth. Death gives us the opportunity to
become much more than we could possibly become in a single
lifetime, however long.
We also have to cope with the deaths of people whom we love.
This is always hard, even under the best of circumstances.
Funeral rituals help. They give us a chance to express our grief
openly and share it with others. Perhaps the best book on grief
that I know is "A Grief Observed" by C. S. Lewis. If you get the
chance, see the PBS documentary on his life with Joy Gresham, who
died three years after their marriage. From personal experience
I strongly recommend introducing something of your own into any
funeral ritual. At my mother's grave, just before the casket was
lowered into the ground, my sister and I spontaneously started
pulling roses (her favorite flower) out of the floral display on
top of the casket and giving them to each of her grandchildren.
It was somehow very meaningful to all of us. Take the time to
mourn your loss, then continue on your path and from time to time
celebrate the memory of those who have gone on ahead of us.
.....Robin
.......... FROM RMPJ, 2/3/1987