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                     It's a Ad, Ad, Ad, Ad World

     The average American consumer is bombarded with hundreds of
commercial messages a day, and some experts claim that the average
child sees and hears 100,000 pitches before being old enough to
attend school.  Sometimes it seems that, in these messages, both
the sponsors and the advertising agencies have abandoned the
struggle to communicate clearly, washing their hands of sense and
meaning.

On a paper placemat in a Massachusetts restaurant appeared this
advertising atrocity:

                       NEWBURY STREET COIFFURE
                              AFFORDABLE
                   An Alternative to Looking Good.

     After tittering and scratching our heads for a while, we can
reconstruct what happened in the framing of this cacphonous come-on.
Apparently, the good folks at Newbury Street Coiffure meant to proclaim
that their affordable prices afforded an alternative for looking good.
But what came out was the message, "Come to us and we'll throw gunk on
your hair and pull some of it out.  And we'll charge you very little to
do it!"

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find
in the cartoon and comic strips:


egg in the door man's hand will be admitted free.   [Parsons PA paper]


ad in the Le Roy MN Indepentent.


garments at our main plant right on your way to the fair.   [Ad in
the Shreveport LA Journal]




us to their friends, is a high indorsment of the service we
render. PELTON FUNERAL HOME   [Oshkosh Northwestern]

TOMBSTONE SLIGHTLY USED.  Sell cheap.  Weil's Curiosity Shop 
[Philadelphia Inquirer]


Want lady with automobile.  [Riverside CA Enterprise]


daily walk untied, and eats flesh from hand.  [Calcutta India]


[Parade of Youth]


[Ossining paper]


family.


waitresses in apetizing forms.




drawers.


pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur
collar.




pair to take home, too!






hand.


it really repellent




Huskey.


fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.


smothered with golden fried onion rings.




condition.




charges, the opwner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last
year.






Lachasis Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la
Fountain and Chopin.


Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.


other athletic facilities.




Automatically burns toast.


lots of women wear nothing else.








Homes & Gardens.








References required.


















and snacks included.




you'll never go anywhere again.






business, and be willing to get hands dirty.




Blue Cross and salary.


general housekeeping duties.  Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.


efficient beating






unrivaled inconvenience.


for $1.00

And these beauties from the radio:


figure.


designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.


bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.


with the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.


Some memorable headlines

JURY GETS DRUNK
DRIVING CASE HERE

MAN IS FATALY SLAIN

NIGHT SCHOOL TO
HEAR PEST TALK

PRISONERS ESCAPE
FROM PRISON FARM
AFTER EXECUTION

SUES BRIDE OF 4 MOUTHS

          HOTEL BURNS.
TWO HUNDRED GUESTS ESCAPE HALF GLAD

INFANT MORALITY
SHOWS DROP HERE

SANTA ROSA MAN DENIES
HE COMMITED SUICIDE IN
SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO

ENRAGED COW INJURES
FARMER WITH AX

SENAT PASSES DEATH PENALTY
Measure provides for Electrocution for
all persons over 17.

Thugs eat then
rob proprieter

Scent foul play in death
of man found bound and hanged

Dog in bed, asks divorce

WILD WIFE LEAGUE
WILL MEET TONIGHT

BOY COOKS MUST
EAT OWN VITALS

BACHELORS PREFER BEAUTY
TO BRAINS IN THEIR WIVES

LOCAL MAN HAS
LONGEST HORNS IN ALL TEXAS

OFFICER CONVICTED OF
ACCEPTING BRIDE

40 MEN ESCAPE WATERY GRAVES
WHEN VESSEL FLOUNDERS IN ALE