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[ The National Enlightener. Vol: ][! ] The issue everyone has been waiting for is now on your computer screen! (or piece of printout paper). In this action packed ELITE issue, we bring you: ELITE.Interviews!!!!!!!!!!!! With mega-elite special guests! Just read on. --------------------------------------- (Mega-Elite Interviews, will be given in the time honored tradition of. ME: AN:, as set down in the ELITE.Interview rules of The Infiltraitor.) --------------------------------------- Speaking of The Infiltraitor..... (Drum roll please) (thanks). here he is! The master of the hidden walkman, The elite audiophile, the writer of 800 sector text files, Mr. "ME: AN:" Infiltraitor! ME: It's so good of you to take time out of your busy typing schedule to show up for this interview. AN: (fidgeting with hidden walkman). My pleasure, really it is. Glad to be here. ME: Good, good. Now the question on the minds of our readers is: What do you do when you aren't typing up conversations you had with ELITE! people? AN: Well I like to relax by cleaning my walkman and counting my tape collection. It's hard on the fingers writing up huge text files you know. ME: Actually, I don't know. Our's are always short. But nevermind that, what we really want to know, is the answer to that nagging question we have all been asking: WHY!??!?!? AN: It had to be done you know. There is no accurate journalism being done now. Besides, it plastered my name on every board in North America. I get cool access everywhere, you might even say I'm ELITE! now. But don't quote me on that. ME: We wouldn't do that... Well we really must be moving along now, we don't even have a word processor that could fit a 200 sector file into memory! AN: Well don't worry, ELITEWRITER will be out soon. Then you can write like I do. Trample the most stupid and trivial points into the dust, have 8 hour conversationa with people you catch on your way out of the bathroom, use lots of verbs, adjectives, even make up things at random just to fill space! ME: Sounds elite to us. Well drop in when you finish part II. AN: What part II? ME: In the file you said you were doing part II. AN: Oh yes that. Well it's progressed beyond that. So far it's 25 disk sides long, hopefully I will finish the next 75 sides this month, and come out with the ELITE.CD-ROM!!!!! With it you can look up any elite person since the dawn of time, and find out everything they ever said in their lives. Totally elite huh? ME: {Impressed. Emulating Inf's curly cew's in deference to his obviously ELITE idea.} That sounds awesome, keep us posted! AN: You bet, gotta go now, things to be typed up you know. ME: We understand. AN: Bye ME: Bye! --------------------------------------- Next up, is that master of english, the undisputed king of b942'ers (sorry Gadget Master, He's been doing it for years, while you are new on the ware mutilation scene), that prophet of where the computer industry is headed, the master programmer himself, The "Buy an Amiga before Commodore goes out of business" Atom!!!!!@!@#!@!1!@11!!!!! ME: So good of you to show up! AN: Yah, I knaw it is. My Tame is vary taght raght naw. {Conversions from the letter "a" to what really belongs there, are courtesy of out proofreading dept.} ME: Innovative spelling style you got there Atom. AN: You trying to make fun of me? you fucking Apple using moe. ME: Perish the thought Atom. We wouldnt do that to you. AN: Good, now what you want, I have to hurry home and get Stickybear AMiga coloring disks 1-96. ME: Ok, we understand. What we really wanted to ask you is, when you're not calling every board in the world and ragging on anyone who owns any computer other then a Amiga, what do you do with your time? We've had promises of Thieves Guild ][, for years now, you said you were doing a marble madness adoption for the Apple, and 500 other sundry things. So what are you really doing now? AN: Fuck you moe, It's not that I'm not a great programmer, but it's the Apple's fault, I gave it a chance, & it didn't confer the secrets of decent programming onto me overnight so fucking fuck it. The Amiga rules, do you understand me moe? it fucking rules the world, it rox layk an ox, its cool beyond words, it, it...it, has PICTURES!@#!!@!@#@#@112!@!@!!1! ME: Yes we underst... AN: No you don't! it has awesome pix & games and god it's great. God i'm great. 5ive staR will reunite to rock the AMiga world to it's found- ations! ME: Oh no.. AN: Was that a insult you fucking moe? Don't fuck with me Crapple user. ME: No, we wouldn't do that. AN: Good you moe. And about thieves guild ][. it rox all over proving grounds, it is the best program written since I did Disk Rigger & Disk-Fer ///. ME: ..... ah yes... it sounds just awesome... will this one have lots of spinning cursors too? AN: FUck yes, it has a 196 phaze cursor and upside-down flashing backspace trik text m0d! ME: Sounds great. Tell us, will there be a 1986 lozerlist? Or was there a 1985 lozerlist that we missed? AN: Fuck you you fucking m0e kn0b fuck stick. That's 0ne eyes fault, it wasn't supposed to be given out. It's not my fault! ME: {Bowing down and recognizing the Atom's ELITE COMMANDMENTS quote.} Well, so why did you write it? AN: Because it was the ELITE thing to do fuckstick. ME: Any comments on the un-elite behavior of 0ne eye? AN: What you fucking kn0b? he's elite, he's never done anything unelite in his life. ME: Well we were reffering to him knocking up some girl, dropping out of high school, and having a job as a bellboy. AN: Fuck you, lies all lies, it's not his fault that he's too dumb to use birth control. I told him girls had cooties, but he just wouldn't listen to me. Look where it got him. But he's still elite!!@#!@11@!@2!!! ME: Well thank you for your time, any departing comments? AN: Yah, be looking forward to the 1986 userlist, which will be done as soon as a word processor comes out for the AMiga. ME: It doesn't have a wor... AN: Shut up kn0b, it rules, games are more important. Now go away, I have things to do. ME: Thanks for your time. Bye bye AN: Fuck off kn0b. --------------------------------------- That faithfull readers wraps up our elite.(elite.journalist).interviews. Be looking forward to our next issue, coming to something near you soon! Excerpts from issue ]I[: ------------------------ Actual un-retouched quotes of the elites! Look and Learn!: The (414 (innovative name)) Wizard and his Cryt0n login system! See Broadway Hacker ask stupid questions! See Mr. Xerox say everyone in the world but him and his co-god lord digital, suck! See Zero Page rag on all the new pirates and every member of LOD to boot! See The Tempest agree with him! See King Blotto rag on everything! See Mr. Krac-Man tell everyone to fuck off! See The Chief Surgeon Ragging on Apple Bandit! all this and much much more! the first portion will be COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED posts of the mentioned people. So they can speak for themselves. Following that will be our witty commentary & exclusive (ELITE) Phreak <> Pirate counterparts! mix & match personalities of ELITE pirates & phreaks!@#!@#11@@!!2 Plus a EXCLUSIVE! Personality Analysis of the ELITES! answering the question: "Why are you elite?" once and for all!! Don't miss it!!@#!@#121@!@!@@!!!!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- "I'm can't be wrong, I'm Elite" (C) The National Enlightener. If it's not NE, then it's not elite! ---------------------------------------