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Section: 2 of 6
Released: Dec 11,'85
Part 2: The Traits of a Loser.
We will take the groupings one by one, and discuss the signals prevalent
within each category. There are many things that will give a loser away, and
its virtually impossible to cover them all, however I will try...
Type A: The BBS Loser
The most important part of the general BBS loser is that he (she?!) has
absolutely no brain whatsoever. This lack of grey matter expresses itself in
many ways, and thus there are perhaps more examples of something that indicates
a LoserUser in this category than any other. Unfortunately, the lack of a brain
precludes these social outcasts from being able to understand (much less
perform) many of the basics of BBSing.
Firstly, these people cannot understand instructions. Now, perhaps you
cannot quite grasp the severity of what this means! Think of all the places in
a BBS where people are asked to follow rules, both explicitly and implicitly.
a) Logging on for the first time, it is the norm for users to be subjected to
some sort of a message which they cannot interrupt, outlining the "rules" of
the BBS. Apparently, LoserUsers never read this message, and use their
ignorance as a crutch when a sysop gets pissed off at their failure to
comply with the regulations of the system.
Sysop: What the hell is wrong with you, you moron? Didn't you read the
RULES?! It says "No Aliases". Can you understand that, or are you
saying that your name is REALLY "Psycho Clam"?
Loser: Hello?
Sysop: YES!! Can you read?
Loser: Ya
Sysop: What did the rules say about aliases?
Loser: I dunno
Sysop: Why not?
Loser: I didnt see nothin on aliases
Sysop: It says "NO ALIASES". Wouldn't you say that that means that you
can't read?
Loser: Well I didnt see it ok
Sysop: Obviously. If you must, call back and log on again. This time try to
read the rules.
* Connection terminated *
b) Losers seem to have EXTREME difficulty entering their phone numbers. How
this is so difficult has always and continues to baffle me. Remember, don't
let it bother you. Its all a part of the LoserUser scheme to drive us into
the asylum THEY used to be in. Here's a classic example:
BBS: Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
Loser: (hits return)
BBS: Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
Loser: (hits return)
BBS: Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
Loser: 000-0000
BBS: Incorrect format
Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
=--> Sysop interrupts...
Sysop: Whats your problem? Do you know what a phone number is?
Loser: Ya
Sysop: Do you know what your phone number is?
Loser: 545-6754
Sysop: Ok, so enter it. And remember to enter your area code.
BBS: =--> Chat ended
Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
Loser: 545-6754
BBS: Incorrect format
Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
=--> Sysop interrupts...
Sysop: Holy shit! Do you know what an "area code" is?
Loser: Ya
Sysop: So put in your area code! Now whats your phone number?
Loser: 545-6754
Sysop: With your AREA CODE!
Loser: 416-545-6754
BBS: =--> Chat ended
Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
Loser: 545-6754
* Connection terminated *
c) Perhaps one of the most common displays of the inability to read comes in
the posting of messages. How many times have you seen people try to end a
message with "done", "/e", "/ex", "/es", ".s" when it clearly says that you
should use "/s" to "send" the message? Even worse is the guy who after
trying 2 or 3 of the above, just starts hitting <Return> until the message
is full. These messages are hard to read as the text scrolls off the screen
before you have a chance to read it all. But then again, being written by a
loser, it's probably to your benefit that you couldn't read it.
Then, of course, so often messages posted in a conference deal with some
topic which plainly should be posted in some other conference. Again, these
losers just don't seem to understand that the title of the conferences
should somehow give them an idea of where to post something. Then, there's
the loser who posts the same message on 3 different conferences, just to
make sure all the losers read it (losers often aren't even aware that the
other conferences exist, let alone what they're for).
d) Now, invariably, sysops find themselves chatting with losers. This is
perhaps the single most difficult and taxing chore of running a BBS. A solid
loser can drive you to drink at the best of times, and force you into a
state of temporary insanity at worst (to date, thank God, we still don't
know of any sysops who committed suicide following a chat with a loser).
Firstly, losers must be taught that it is "chat" protocol to leave a blank
line between what they say, to indicate that they are finished saying
whatever and are now waiting for a reply. Chatting with a loser is so boring
and frustrating because of the speed he's typing at, without making the
sysop decide whether or not the gumby has finished typing. Next,
understanding a loser is sometimes a difficult chore. The loser seems to
have his own vocabulary. Essentially, they use many words which are obvious
misspellings of regularly used words. The only theory I've been able to come
up with that accounts for this bizarre behaviour is that they do this to
cover up the fact that they make spelling mistakes every 5 or 6 words, so
this way you're never sure if he misspelled it, or whether its just another
part of his regular "vocabulary". Remember that losers (based on the number
of times they select the main menu as their command) have a hard time
remembering the 20 or so options available to them on the BBS, let alone the
English language. Chatting with one of these people is similar to talking
with a caveman (or Arnold Schwartzenegger; only difference is that Arnie's
smart... He carries a gun with him so no-one bothers him, and he never logs
onto a BBS). What is really disturbing are situations where you heap sarcasm
and criticism on a loser, and he doesn't even realize it! An example:
Sysop: Good day. What did you want to ask me?
Loser: Wow, are u the sysop?
Sysop: No, I'm the zit on your face.
Loser: Iv never talk to sysop be4. This is awesum!
Sysop: Whatever. What do you want?
Loser: How do i get more acces to the BBS?
Sysop: If you contribute, call regularily, and prove yourself worthy of a
higher access level, you'll get it.
Loser: So what button do i push?
Sysop: What?!
Loser: How do i get acces?
Sysop: You don't.
Loser: Howcum?
Sysop: Cause I said so.
Loser: Ok. But like can i get more time on the BBS?
Sysop: No.
Loser: Oh. U r a k00l d00d thow cant i get to do more stuff?
Sysop: No. Listen I have to split. Talk to you later.