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Title: Neo Abomunist Manifesto Author: Hailey Language: en
Abomunist don't know where the school counselor's office is
Abomunist live rent-free in others minds
Abomunist should consider rehab for their oatmeal cookie addiction
Abomunist think they aren't the only solipsist
Abomunist hit ctrl+v in twitch chats at an alarming rate
Abomunist know there is a mid-point in immortality
Abomunist love baseballs purely because they share a common enemy
Abomunist will learn to love squares
Abomunist choose to be cremated
Abomunist cried when the first and last snowman melted
Abomunist never find taco seasoning at the store without assistance
Abomunist are far too scared to ask for assistance
Abomunist tend to leave the store without taco seasoning
Abomunist hate robots on the grounds of anti posadist action
Abomunist never write grocery list
Abomunist feel smelly regardless of grooming habits
Abomunist hate the elderly's windows
Abomunist never regard snipers
Abomunist sometimes regard snipers
Abomunist prefer the written word to speaking
Abomunist hate writing
Abomunist are anti kite flying
Abomunist never eat smores
Abomunist use commas too often even when they, aren't necessary
Abomunist use neo pronouns
Abomunist protest losing their sings regularly
Abomunist are immune to cognition hazards
Abomunist are believed to think they are immune to cognition hazards due
to a cognition hazard
Abomunist don't trade pictures of dead presidents
Abomunist never eat each other's poems
Abomunist like living post reality
Abomunist are all bed wetters
Abomunist wage war on mirrors
Abomunist believe windows are mirrors that haven't grown up yet
Abomunist advocate for pan universal curtain usage
Abomunist wrote the beginners guide to rocket science before remembering
everyone is already a rocket scientist
Abomunist don't watch the news, but now read newspapers
Abomunist only have pets to convert them to abomunist
Abomunist write their letters in crayons
Abomunist get sad when people don't like their poems
Abomunist make money by stealing pies in window seals
Abomunist hold meetings in UFOs
Abomunist will never [redacted]
Abomunist are not impressed by those with undyed hair
Abomunist reject summer
Abomunist never know what season it is
Abomunist are notorious for being inspired by boats made of gems
Abomunist think the longest word in any language is abomunist, and are
willing to wage war on doubters
Abomunist need pre therapy therapy
Abomunist make alliances with squares but still refuse to refer to them
unless talking to squares
Abomunist live in non euclidean environments
Abomunist wonder why they failed high school geometry
Abomunist read books backwards
Abomunist construct buildings out of shadows, then exercises their tear
ducts when the sun rises
Abomunist are pro surprise parties, but only when it's not their
birthday
Abomunist cough bombs regularly and randomly
Abomunist are prepared to drink root beer for the rest or their lives
Abomunist write their time capsules on frosty bus windows
Abomunist forget to put water in their oatmeal before starting the
microwave
Abomunist only wear glasses with one leg missing
Abomunist always have outdated prescriptions
Abomunist, if able to be any color but green, would choose to be void
Abomunist do not have bedtimes, and if they did, they would ignore them
Abomunist operate time machines that move forward in time one second per
second
Abomunist are fluent in the language comprised only of suboptimal chess
moves
Abomunist historically opposed movie theaters but go to them anyway
Abomunist never read their emails
Abomunist main weapon is a broom, but love is an occasional substitute
Abomunist main weakness is dialogue trees
Abomunist love bees
Abomunist regret inventing ceiling fans
Abomunist befriend rats regularly
Abomunist host oatmeal cookie baking classes with no alternative motives
Abomunist hate the sound of oven fans
Abomunist don't know how to file taxes
Abomunist think spiders and flies are just good friends
Abomunist main political goal is to move super Tuesday to Wednesday
Abomunist hate Thursdays and Tuesdays because they get them confused far
too frequently
Abomunist subscribe to last Thursdayism
Abomunist prefer carpets over tile even in the kitchen
Abomunist are in conflict with regimes of the normal
Abomunist wonder how car advertisers find so many empty roads
Abomunist skip the sugar and spice as to better get to everything nice
Abomunist hold speedrun world records in obscure point and click horror
games
Abomunist if unable to get a speedrun world record make their own games
and don't let anyone else play them
Abomunist vandalize red boxes on the principle that DVDs should be free
Abomunist can be found napping under tents made from fallen nations
flags
Abomunist never claim to walk on water
Abomunist respect traffic laws purely by accident
Abomunist will never tell someone about [redacted]
Abomunist speak from experience when they tell anecdotes
Abomunist have a high resistance to poptart ads
Abomunist dress as succubi for Halloween
Abomunist often forget to take off their costumes
Abomunist main fear is ketchup packets
Abomunist don't believe in the existence of fly traps
Abomunist never die from natural causes
Abomunist only have parasocial relationship with themselves
Abomunist only hate that websites use cookies because they aren't
oatmeal cookies
Abomunist always read the terms of service agreements then disregard
them instantly
Abomunist keep proximity to their heroes
Abomunist no longer have heroes
Abomunist disagree with the phrase "ladies first" due to not believing
in gender
Abomunist are experienced in the art of surgically removing crowns
Abomunist construct their homes in the uncanny valley
Abomunist know their shadow has a delay
Abomunist know where the poets hide
Abomunist wrote their thesis in emojis
Abomunist never subject themselves to definitions
Abomunist see clothes as walking advertisements
Abomunist sell their middle names to the lowest bidder
Abomunist remain stationary but still experience jet lag constantly
Abomunist don't fuck with absolutes
Abomunist are wet clowns
Abomunist hate Times New Roman
Abomunist minds are filled with thoughts of bisected rectangles
Abomunist refuse employment as window cleaners
Abomunist only feel nostalgic for things they have never had
Abomunist build hallways with no doors or entrances
Abomunist carry pocket dimensions on them at all times
Abomunist can ride their bikes without handlebars
Abomunist avoid well lit rooms
Abomunist ate all the gods and class reductionist
Abomunist ride Trojan horses to their non-existent jobs
Abomunist transmit from low places
Abomunist oppose branded sneakers
Abomunist are anti self destructionist
Abomunist don't put big red buttons on their inators
Abomunist don't renovate their homes, they renovate their minds
Abomunist reject those who claim their career is bootstrap pulling
Abomunist reverse engineer their blueprints
Abomunist are immune to pie charts
Abomunist theorize about fanaf lore
Abomunist refuse to reshake their 8balls because they are never wrong
Abomunist know living is a protest
Abomunist are aware that society holds all the deeds, but trespass
anyways
Abomunist, more often than not don't know what to say
Abomunist believe there isn't enough rearrangeable letters to describe
their love for oatmeal cookies
Abomunist think they have 9 toes
Abomunist 2nd worst enemy is the sound brooms make when brushing on
carpets
Abomunist get stat debuffs in the sunlight
Abomunist put Excalibur back in the stone
Abomunist befriended all bees
Abomunist see calling yacht owners repugnant as being redundant
Abomunist take their wax jetpacks to the sun
Abomunist accept carcinization and that they one day will be subjected
to it
Abomunist stand by ready to reduce all statutes to dust
Abomunist don't respect the authority of handcuffs, and a thus are
immune to their effects
Abomunist reject common sense
Abomunist heckle the river of Styx ferryman, claiming fees are unjust
hierarchies
Abomunist never submit baking soda volcanos to science fairs
Abomunist apply anarchist logic when analyzing time
Abomunist seek to abolish pledges of allegiance
Abomunist need more ambition
Abomunist side arm is a t-shirt cannon with no ammunition
Abomunist wish for a world of universal screwdrivers
Abomunist want glass to return to sand
Abomunist don't use public bathrooms
Abomunist know anti philosophy is itself a philosophy
Abomunist raise void worms as their own
Abomunist fly only invisible banners
Abomunist know tradition is the dead peer pressuring
Abomunist for reasons unknown (even to abomunist) can often be found
with adult turkeys resting on their heads
Abomunist mine for ideas in the back of their mind
Abomunist get their ideas from places they are told not to go then
report back their findings in the form of old literary forms and
roadside advertisements
Abomunist are notorious for not being capable of seeing the color cyan
Abomunist thoughts, if translated into a text document would be in Comic
Sans
Abomunist think they are immortal because they haven't died yet
Abomunist specialty is identifying phonies
Abomunist rooms can only been seen by abomunist
Abomunist never break the 4th wall, thinking it to be the only thing
protecting them
Abomunist, contrary to popular belief are not pataphysical
Abomunist more often than not are human but not exclusively so
Abomunist know the best ideas are illegal
Abomunist made a perpetual motion machine then lost it
Abomunist would never steal another abomunist's cookies
Abomunist do not like arriving on time
Abomunist despise a rhyme
Abomunist wrote the dictionary of obscure joys
Abomunist are experienced in temporal anomaly recognizing and tractor
beam avoiding
Abomunist hate consistency
Abomunist are not a paradox personified
Abomunist are a paradox personified
Abomunist forgot to remember something
Abomunist give lecturers unprompted
Abomunist make pie charts just for the aesthetic
Abomunist can be found sitting on fire hydrants pretending it doesn't
hurt more often than one would expect
Abomunist move at the speed of school gossip
Abomunist find questions for lonely answers
Abomunist make cover art for songs that don't exist
Abomunist wipe all info regarding mlagtors from everyone's memory, this
being their most selfless act
Abomunist hold grunt revolutions on High Charity
Abomunist don't collect pearlescent loot, they melt it into silly
trinkets
Abomunist sell trinkets in pan unversial yard sales with varying success
Abomunist invested all their skill points in gun damage then became
pacifist
Abomunist play hide-and-seak with their other identities
Abomunist don't dual their enemies
Abomunist are not what they eat, and they found this out the hard way
Abomunist lay eggs just because people said they couldn't
Abomunist refuse to reduce people and things to rankings
Abomunist cast their weather forecasts from places of desperation
Abomunist pick daisies off asteroids
Abomunist look for answers to questions they never had
Abomunist skip out their court hearings for violations of Milo Murphy's
law
Abomunist love love, hate hate, smoke smokes, drink drinks, live lives,
and die deaths.
"Welcome to reality" said the flytrap to the fly. True anarchist are
immune to flytraps.