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* The Digital Gang: Rag File 1 *
* Written by: The Cookie Monster *
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The first time I ever heard of the Digital Gang, was on
"Super Hires Scroller". I thought it was a pretty nice program.
Useless, but nice. I thought The Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk
were pretty cool people. They did nice work, they had a certain
extent of originality. Over the months, they put out more and
more software. Their originality started to fade. Every title
page looked the same. It seemed that they had a liking for a
particular font named "Park Avenue". But still, I respected The
Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk a lot. I thought that they had to be
pretty smart people to crack that many wares. On the other hand
Sherlock Apple never did match up to them. He obviously only
bought the wares. He had money but no talent. As the months
progressed, I kept trying to get something decent to crack. I
had found over cracking a lot of software and staying up late
swearing at my computer,that I could crack most any software that
could come out for the Apple. Finally, I got a call from my
friend The Owl. He said he had been trying to reach me for the
past two weeks (you see, I have a social life too), and that he
had a hot new ware for me to try and crack. I thought it was
another old one. Something like Dinosaur Dig that had more
challenge in putting a title page on than in cracking it. Well,
I was sort of right. It was an incredibly easy crack. It was
also called "Raid Over Moscow". It was the best game that had
come out for a long time. The Raven helped me distribute it, in
exchange for having his name on the page. I thought this was
cool especially since I wasn't on very many out of state boards
and he was. So I let him do it. It was uploaded everywhere.
All of a sudden, we were popular, everyone wanted us on their
boards. I didn't call everyone's board, but I did do something I
had wanted to do for a very long time. The Raven and I talked
with The Dragon Lord. He was stupider than I thought. The whole
time we talked with him, he shouted at the TV set. I thought he
wasn't playing with a full deck, but Raven told me that he was
over enthusiastic about sports. I never did get him to talk
technical with me. Then there was time that he sang "Shot In The
Dark" by Ozzy Ozbourne over the phone to Raven, this made Raven
wonder if I was right about TDL's mental state. We never did get
close to the reclusive Tom E. Hawk. I wondered if there was more
than everyone knew and believed about Digital Gang, but I never
bothered to ask....
A couple of months later, we met up with some more people.
They were basically unknowns. But we didn't care, just as long
as they weren't imbeciles. We met a person named Apple Spy. He
had something to tell us. I don't think he would have ever come
to us if it hadn't been for Digital Gang's idiocy. There is a
board called The Haven. I knew that several of Digital Gang's
members were on there, but I had never called it. Raven told me
a lot about it though. Apparently, someone had stolen part of
Micro Nut's exclusive BBS software and Digital Gang was using it
in their other BBS, Apple Trade Center. Micro Nut accused them
of stealing (which is a ridiculous concept for pirates anyway)
and Dragon Lord and Schmucklock Apple got upset. They called for
a boycott and they got about 12 people to participate. The
people who did participate were losers anyway, so there wasn't
any real loss. DG even had the gall to say the Raven
participated, even though he still calls The Haven occasionally.
They had done more than ask for a boycott though. They attacked
Apple Spy in the rudest form I can even imagine. Apple Spy had
recently had a heart-attack. Dragging Whore and Schmucklock
Apple had thought this was funny (in their own sick way) and
decided to rag on Apple Spy for it. They sent him E-Mail that
said "Apple Spy will die!!" and several other things not worth
mentioning.
I couldn't believe it. I had never heard of pirates being
so inhumane. Well Apple Spy told us more. He told us that
Dragging Whore never could crack. He once spent 10 hours trying
to crack "Fuzzywomp", which isrX very simple DOS 3.3 crack. He
told us that the only thing that Dragging Whore had ever cracked
on his own was something called "Decimal Sheet". Then the
question came; Then who does crack their stuff? Apple Spy told
us... Tom E. Hawk. He said that TEH never was into the fame and
glory game and that he cracked just for the challenge. So
Dragging Whore would just get the cracked software from Tom E.
Hawk and slap a title page on proclaiming that he had actually
cracked it. With a nice little "Thanks Tom E. Hawk" down at the
bottom. Tom never protested, so there wasn't a problem.
Dragging Whore was destined for the pirate hall of fame (I don't
know where it is, but I suspect that it is on some lame BBS
screaming for users). I asked Apple Spy about "Super Hires
Scroller", what was TDL's contribution to that? The title pages
were all that he did.
Well, at this point, I was only slightly upset. It wasn't
because they were lying to every damn pirate in the nation, it
was because once, I had looked up to these guys. I still did
look up to TEH and continue to do so. Even if he did "steal" his
code from EOA for his booter. It still is an incredible booter.
Soon, I became furious... Apple Spy continued to tell us
about our own ware "Raid Over Moscow". The night that it was
distributed, Dragging Whore picked up a copy from someone (I
imagine it was Schmucklock). He called Apple Spy and told him
about this awesome new action game. He said that he wanted to
release it. After all, who had heard of The Bunnymen before
this? He told Apple Spy that they had already put a new title
page on it (cracked by you know who). Dragging Whore wanted
Apple Spy to call up The Haven and remove our crack so their
version could be uploaded. Apple Spy then told Dragging Whore
the news. He already had it and he had been playing all day...
At this point Dragging Whore got very upset. If Apple Spy had
it, then everyone probably everyone had it. If they released it,
then everyone would rag on them for a double release (another
stupid concept). So Dragging Whore held back and didn't touch
it. Raven and I once talked to Dragging Whore about "Raid Over
Moscow". This was before we even knew about what he had tried to
do with our title page. He explained to us that it was already
in the stores up in Canada and that they had plans to release it,
but they were too busy (right). Access Software is about 10
miles from my house. To this date, they still haven't released
"Raid Over Moscow".
Our next big release was "Intrigue". It was also a great
piece of software. We had been offered garbage like "Glidepath"
(a real tough Applesoft crack, Martyr, you stupid ass-kisser),
but we turned it down. We had also gotten "Universe II". We had
it for about two months. I had never bothered to look at it,
because I had just gotten my Amiga and was enjoying it entirely.
Raven didn't care either, his copy was buried in his room. We
let Dr. Encinitas look at it, he screamed at its complexity (no
offense Dr. E.), so I realized that I probably didn't have time
to screw with it. Besides, I would rather go see "Lords of The
New Church" with two voluptuous females than stay home and crack
"warezz". So we let it pass.. The news came later that Digital
Gang was planning to release "Universe II" very soon. Raven
requested for me to look at it. I finally said OK. I went over
to his house and he told me that he had just gotten "Intrigue".
I read the review and I decided that it looked better than
"Universe", so I did it. It took about 15 minutes to crack.
There was a small problem with the code for the safe. I told
Raven that I didn't have time to screw with it. He told me that
was fine and that he would make sure that all the codes to the
safe were included on the dox. I asked if I could leave, but he
reminded me about "Universe II". He asked to me to take a look
at it at Alley Cat's house if I had time. Right now I have no
idea where that disk is. Raven frequently jokes with me about
returning the disk. After getting the disk from him, I then
walked out the door and saw "Ferris Bueler's Day Off" (I
thoroughly recommend to any DG member who hasn't been out of his
room for three years).
The next day, Raven told me that "Intrigue" had been
distributed everywhere with the dox. He also told me that a new
member Mr. Slick had just cracked "Universe II". He said that we
had to hurry and release it. He told me that Rick Rocker had
informed him that Digital Gang was planning to release it the
next day. I told him that I really didn't care. He told me
that all I needed to do was to go down to Alley Cat's house and
fix the booter. Ahhh, the booter. Yes, it was true, we had
gotten a hold of Tom E. Hawk Boot. Although the person who gave
it to us shall remain unidentified, we were probably the only
people outside of DG who had a copy. I realized that it would
probably piss them off quite a bit if we left it as "Tom E. Hawk
Boot". So I simply changed the encoding and put "The Bunnymen"
in the center of the screen. I had done this by patching it by
hand on "Intrigue", but The Raven didn't know how to do this. So
I simply patched the booter and told him how to do it over the
phone. It was only obvious to anyone who knew anything about
disk access that we had stolen the booter. Tom E. Hawk sent mail
to Lord Sauron (on The Haven of all places) saying that it was OK
if we used the booter, but he wanted credit. Later we released
"Continents and Countries". Not only did we have the "Hulk
Bunny" crushing that stupid DG logo, but we changed the booter to
"Bun E. Boot". This pissed off Tom. He said that we had no idea
of how it worked, so we shouldn't be using it. Well, Tom the
only thing I can say to that is I do. It would have been no big
deal to steal it right off of any disk that you guys have put
out. You place the track and sector numbers in pairs right after
your name, which is "encoded" by EORing it with a $69. If you
want me to Sourcerize it and comment it I will. But realize that
if I do that, I won't just give you the source code (you don't
need it), I'll give it to every damn person in the free-world (I
wonder if that includes Canada?). Then your precious booter
won't mean a thing. Besides, did you give EOA credit?
Later, Schmucklock began to scream about "Intrigue". He
stated that it was a bad crack, simply because we didn't bother
with fixing the safe. So he had that awesome cracker The Sheik
fix it. Little did he know that on CPU (801) 277-3200, Alley
Cat already had fixed it. Alley Cat is the little brother of a
good friend of mine. He is in 8th grade and he already knows
more than 90% of Digital Gang. What the patch consisted of was
changing track: $03, sector: $03, byte: $C6, from a $12 to a $11.
That sounds like it is about your speed Trojan (whoops, I meant
Sheik), you don't even change one byte, you change one bit. I
haven't looked at your patch, but I imagine that uses about a
dozen NOPs. From what I have heard from the Talisman, you didn't
even crack "Neven Ending Story" by yourself. Maybe you should
re-read your "Digital Dictionary" (What's next? Real Pirate
Guide IX?) and look under "ignorent" (ig' ner ent (the e's are
phonetic schwas), not pronounced "ig-ne-rent", you dumb
ass-wipes). Should I even mention that "Incompetent" is
pronounced "in kom' pi tent" (the e is also a schwa) and not
"in-kam-pet-ent". Do you often kick yourself in the face Trojan
or is this a new thing? Or was Triton and High Voltage
responsible for your "incompetence"?
Schmucklock later declared that I didn't crack "Raid Over
Moscow" by myself. He said I used "Disk Jockey Kracks II". I
don't even own that disk. I don't even have "DJ Kracks I". If I
am such a lousy cracker, how did I do "Intrigue"? Oh yeah, I
forgot, bad crack. Everything that comes out of an assembly
language genius such as yourself Schmucklock has to be truth.
You later ragged us because "Universe II" was an "old ware". Why
were you planning to release it the day after? You want "old
wares"? Look at "Instant Pascal". You also said that "Intrigue"
was a stupid "mail-order ware". Ohh, I am so hurt by such a
strong accusation.
Today, Raven told me that someone had put out a text file
called "Bunnymen Trivia". Apparently it was a sack of lies
written by someone who was so guttless that they didn't even sign
their name. Obviously another closet-case Digital Gang member.
The file said that we had millions of members... Here is the
member list as of today: Me, Raven, Lord Sauron, Cyborg,
Marauder, Pac-Rat and Alley Cat. These are the people that
actually do something. <DATA LOSS>
We don't define our members as only
being able to distribute. Our distributors give us input on what
needs to be done and they are respected for the job they do. We
have about four of them. I don't want to name any of them,
because I am not sure if they want to be included. I am sure
that each and every group has just as many distributors as us.
Well, that about summs it up. Everything you wanted to ever
know about Digital Gang, but were afraid to ask. Recently, a
boycott has been called against the Apple Trade Center. I fully
support it. I never did call Apple Trade Center and I never
will. I hear that have some pretty good Amiga wares up. I laugh
at that. I have and will always have more Amiga wares than you
Triton. Your friend Admiral Ackbar has learned that fact and now
he is benefiting from it. You are so stupid, you probably don't
even sleep right. You don't even have a prayer with the Amiga
pirates. The Digital Gang may put out their "Bunnymen Trivia"
and their "Digital Dictionaries" and their "Dragging Whore's
Guide To Good Cooking", but always realize this. They don't know
the first thing about me. I never talked with any of them on a
friendly basis. So they can go ahead and ask their ass-kissers
(ie: Punisher, The Watcher, and Pieces of Eight), to write all
they want. I personally don't give a damn.
Finally, I am asking everyone, not to just boycott Apple
Trade Center, but everything Digital Gang does. If they upload
something to your board, delete it. If a member signs on your
board, don't let them on. The Bunnymen, First Class, and LSD can
supply your every software need.
Typed July 13, 1986, on an Amiga, by The Cookie Monster, user #34
on <C><P><U> (801) 277-3200.
With thanks for advising to The Raven, user #65.
Our apologies to Apple Spy.