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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$ $$$$$
$$$$$ HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION $$$$$$
$$$$$$ $$$$$$
$$$$$$ *N*E*W*S* $$$$$$$
$$$$$$ $$$$$$
$$$$$ Issue #12: Free Money $$$$$$
$$$$$ $$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
the best things in life are F R E E
F R E E
For more info, send all your money to: ***********************************
* AUTHENTIC SACRED RELICS *
Holy Temple of Mass Consumption * 22nd SubAtomic Dobbs Devival *
PO Box 30904 * enclosed in random mailings *
Raleigh, NC 27622 * May include: Devival fliers *
* Cards from Overman pinata' *
NEWS since the last time: * Dobbs-blood soaked MONEY... *
***********************************
PHENOMICON '92 in Atlanta: DOBBS DEVIVAL - heads successfully launched!
Possibly the best convention yet to hit Atlanta- with tons of conspiracies,
vampires, sleaze, face-fucking bats, and SLACK-ful anti-music supplied by the
Swingin' Love Corpses Anti-Music Dissemination Corp and Recreational
Chemical Analysis Brigade. Terrific videos too- with 2 fantastic 24-hour
movie rooms...and the Bob Tilton Fart Video. Full-scale devival included:
Rev. Ivan Stang, Sister Mary Squared, Papa Joe Mama, Janor Hypercleats, and
a host of others performing schisms, miracles, rants, launchings, and
"Bob" killings. Don't miss this next year! Memorable quotes:
Sister Susie the Floozie:
"Without slack, life is like a bowl of shit with the handle on the inside"
Sister Mary Squared: "Feed me, pet me, milk me, eat me."
Janor Hypercleats: "To join the Church of Don, you must TAKE A LIFE!!"
Rev. Ivan Stang: "Haven't they released those bats YET?"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Comics: Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. #12 by Sheldon and Mavrides
Rip-Off Press - PO Box 4686
Auburn, CA 95604 (also ask for 1992 Fall/Holiday catalog)
Savage Henry #23, Tequila with Clint Ruin. (Also from Rip-Off Press)
Ren & Stimpy #2, Marvel comics. Sick and twisted, as it should be.
387 Park Ave. South, NY 10016
****** The Church of Tina Chopp has transmutated into....... ********
The Church of Hemp! Dedicated to fight to re-legalize the
PO Box 1511 sacred Cannabis plant! Still with the
Bellingham, WA 98227-1511 GREAT Jack Chick-ripoff comic books!!
Also check out the book "The Emperor Wears No Clothes" by Jack Herer,
$14.95, available from: Help End Marijuana Prohibition, 5632 Van Nuys
Blvd #210, Van Nuys, CA 91401 (213) 392-1806
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This news article was transcribed during a trance session. Mr. Ambasgun,
completely zonked on 'Frop [TM] (Trade Name for Hazafropzipulops Herb Blend),
apparently viewed it precognitively during a trance rant at the Chicago chapter
of The Clench of the Stark Fist of Removal. T_Deacon transcribed the session,
with annotations by T_Rev.
BYRNE AND BYRNE BURN BYRNE, THEN BURN
CHICAGO(UPI) - The bodies of famed entertainer David Byrne, comic book writer
John Byrne, and former Chicago mayor Jane Byrne were identified this morning as
apparent victims of a murder-suicide pact at the former site of the 3 Penny
Theatre. Firefighters were alerted by the theatre's fire alarms almost
immediately, but their attempts to control the blaze proved futile as the
structure burned to the ground.
The bodies were found near a locked iron box, which escaped the flames
undamaged. The box contained old campaign posters, several recent issues of
_Superman_, and Laurie Anderson's album, _Home of the Brave_. Police
detectives also discovered an encrypted note describing in detail the motive
and means of the murder. "It appears that John Byrne, in his final effort to
subjugate women, enlisted the aid of the musician in a bizarre plot to protest
women in politics and boost his employer's sagging sales in the comics
industry," said police captain Margaret Sawyer. On the subject of the
murder/suicide's details, Captain Sawyer explains, "It was a pretty grisly
scene. We believe that John and David immolated the ex-Mayor, then doused
the theatre with gasoline and set it ablaze, dying on their own pyre."
Preliminary autopsy reports, including dental records, indicate a strong
resemblance between Ms. Byrne and supposedly deceased Chicago political
"Boss" Richard Daley. Pop psychologist Eric Berne, author of _I'm OK,
You're OK_, was unavailable for comment.
The comics and music industries have been badly shaken by the news. DC Comics
released a statement that performance artist Laurie Anderson will take over
the plotting and scripting of _Superman_. Many changes are in store for
Anderson's Man of Steel. Anderson said, "As my new colleague Chris Claremont
pointed out, 'Is there any reason why this character _can't_ be a woman?'
I'll be exploring the implications of this in the months to come."
Aforementioned comics writer Chris Claremont will be taking over David Byrne's
mantle as songwriter/lead singer of the rock group Talking Heads. "I
believe that the band will be reissuing _Life During Wartime_, and I personally
have an idea for a Jerry Harrison limited series. Crossover characters will
probably include Wolverine, Kitty Pryde, and Janet Van Dyne. Also, Louise
[Simonson] has suggested that Power Pack be included."
A lead to a possible link between the tragedy and a pornography ring
based in the harbors of Chicago is being pursued. Any citizens having
relevant infomation should contact the Chicago Police Department.
[Soul-saving graphics here]
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"You'll pay to know what you really think" - Dobbs
I'm here to quote various SubGenii sources and do a mini-Rant while waiting for
Stang or someone to come rant for a while. Thanks to BoB TeCH (or however
it's capitalized these days) for the group and the first introductory rant.
Perhaps someday soon I'll do a real rant, for now though, I'll slack off...
"We lie constantly and DO NOT TRICK YOU. The Conspiracy lies constantly and
TRICKS YOU. We talk in absolutely _no-bullshit_ fashion about a FUCKED-UP
WORLD, and the Conspiracy hems and haws and bullshits and FUCKS THE WORLD UP"
- St. Clair McNutt non-pervert and Dad, in the _Stark_Fist_of_Removal_,
"A Short Hate Rant On The Word "FUCK" And The New Child Sex"
"`Bob's` surreavolutionary doctrine of PATRIO-PSYCHOTIC ANARCHO-MATERIALISM
has found ever-larger number of zealous adherents despite relentless
persecution by the FBI and other robot engines of the Conspiracy"
- SubGenuis propaganda pamphlet
For those of you who have not achieved slack, have not attended devivals and
do not understand Bulldada, there is time. Yes, For J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the
perfect "Bob" to ask when you need someone to cut you some SLACK. He alone,
I say that he ALONE represents on Earth the true manifestation of SLACK so
necessary to the SubGenuis.
Take the first step in fighting of the Conspiracy and avoiding the pinks.
Quit your Job! Slack Off!
dammit
[Neuro-hypnotic graphics at the bottom of this page]
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Prom Night Do you get tongue-tied, flustered,
and turn to jello when an
Johnny was excited. Prom night was attractive woman propositions
finally here. He had been waiting for you? Well, world-famous author
this day for two months. His knees were Snavely Patch is here to help
shaking. "Is she gonna like me? Geesh, I you with his highly acclaimed
hate first dates. Why did I have to make manual.....
our first date Prom?" He donned his
tuxedo and went down stairs.
HOW TO SAY
"Doesn't our little boy look so grown up!" "NO" TO WOMEN
"Mom...stop that. When are you going to
let me grow up?"
"She means well son. Come here a minute, [graphic]
I want to talk to you," his dad said as he
ushered him off to the corner. "You need
some money?"
YOU WILL LEARN:
"No dad. Well on second thought I could
use a little, 'ncase I run out of gas or * Humiliating put-downs that
somthing." will devastate women so
thoroughly they will think
"No sweat, how about a $50?...That's twice before ever molesting
what I thought. Uh... Johnny, do you have you again
your party hat?"
* Rejections that don't
"Dad, nobody wears top hats anymore, sound corny.
c'mon..geesh!"
* Subtle reflex maneuvers for
"No Johnny, what I mean is, well, uh... diverting their grasp from
Are you planning to fuck your date tonight? your genitalia.
"Oh. Yes Dad I have my Party Hat." * Where all the "icebergs"
Johnny couldn't believe it. His dad, never hang out
acted like this before. "Prom must be
something special," he said to himself as * 101 uses for a properly
he left to get his date. "After all, it slung sidearm.
isn't every night that a Catholic priest
offers to give his illegitimate son condoms CALL BEFORE MIDNIGHT - $29.95
to fuck his companion on their first date. Visa/MC/AmEx 1-800-555-BLOW
A GOVERNMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO
[more graphics] PUT CHAINS ON PEOPLE WHO WILL
PUT THEM ON THEMSELVES. WHAT
ARE YOU CHAINED TO?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Blatant ad for:]
Church of the SUBGENIUS
Radio Show
12pm Sunday Night
KZSU 90.1 FM
[Great graphics by Dr. Howl]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Illuminatus Official Doc. 46364
Organization: A.I.S.B., Jim Jones Cabal, Sphere of Bureaucracy,
Age of the Yog-Sathoth.
Keywords:
I'm afraid there have been some rumours floating around that the Ancient Illumi-
nated Seers of Bavaria have had a hand in 1. Kennedy's Assasination, 2.
George Bush's Public Vomiting, and 3. The Church of the SubGenius founding, and
administration.
We here at the Jim Jones Cabal would like to get a few things straight
right now. We HAVE NEVER been a part of the JFK assasination, except for
hiring the killers, co-ercing the CIA and the Dallas Police into 'turning the
other way' for us, getting Lee Harvey Oswald to play the part of Dupe and take
the fall for the whole thing, securing the weapons and ammo., getting the
killers into position, hypnotising all of the members of the Warren Commision,
blackmailing Oliver Stone into putting out "JFK" to further cloud the issue,
and coming up with alt.conspiracy so that our little mis-information games
could continue.
We at the A.I.S.B. however are entirely responsible for the LHO
shooting though. After all, he was the Head Honcho for the Chaos branch of
the A.I.S.B. and we couldn't allow him to remain alive.
We hope you understand.
As for George Bush's Public Vomiting, except for one of our Secret
Service contacts slipping a canister full of synthetic Stomach Flu virus
into the Presidential Suite two nights before, we did nothing.
The Flu was synthesized at the POEE's SphincterZone Labs in Umbrage,
Vermintown, Atalantis (which is, BTW, the official name of Atlantis, which
is the commonly used name). We have had the labs check the Prime Minister of
Japan Brother Oliver Stone is hard at work on this one as well.
The Church of the SubGenius, though, is another bowl of tumours
entirely. The Church has been completely infiltrated by the A.I.S.B. and
is being finely tuned to bring the majority of those identifying themselves
as "the SubGenii", mostly college aged males, into line with official
A.I.S.B. and POEE mindset. Thus, as has been hypothesized before, the Church
of the SubGenius and all of its publications, trademarks, and upper ecshelon
are all Illunminatus puppets. "Bob" himself, who was, according to Jim Jones
files, born in Gary, Indiana in 1403 and 1924, and was killed officially, only
once, on May 23, 1985 (5/23/85 for all you numerology buffs), was first
conceived, in vitrio, in the same SphincterZone Labs.
The date for X-day; July 5, 1998; has been set, because that is
the day when the Eschaton will be immenantized. On this day, the Illuminati
will return to South America, and the Cracking of the Great Pyramid will
occur, taking all of the Illuminati to the safe havens under the ground.
This is where all of the SubGenius fantasies of the X-ists came from.
Unfortunately, we have already chosen the desirables from the UnFit, so
becoming a card-carrying member is pretty pointless. This doesn't mean,
however, that you should stop sending money; it goes to pay for our
doughnuts.
Sorry.
Novus Ordo Seclorum --><--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Prince Reverend Doktor Lord Sam Widgets of Pendleton; Prince of the Milky
Way; Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences; Grand Master of the Ancient Illuminated
Seers of Bavaria, Jim Jones Cabal; Wise Siviast of the Ancient and Primitive
Memphis-Misraim Rite; Knight of the Black Cross of the Ancient and Accepted
Scottish Rite; Magister Templi (8=3) of the Ancient and Noble Guardians of the
Rosy Cross.
C. Arnold gorilla@cats.ucsc.edu
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FACTSHEET FIVE
Electronic version is now available.
Finally, the fantastic zine listing/review magazine that went to shit after
Mike Gunderloy left it is *BACK AGAIN*, but for the time being, only for
people with Internet access.
To subscribe, send e-mail to: jerod23@well.sf.ca.us
Updates, issues, or both methods are available; specify what you want on
the subject line. Updates are sent out as they are completed, issue
subscriptions will have 20-30 messages sent out all at once to your mailbox.
An issue subscription will generally insure that large file won't be lost.
Printed versions may be available later.
----------------------------- R A V E S ------------------------------------
SOUNDSHOCK presents | SAT DEC 5 - Groove to Moove 2
"earth 2 elvis" | 10pm-230am at Cedar's, downtown
| Youngstown, OH. Call for directions
Fryday * December 4th | (216) 743-6560. Cedar's is a little
Hosts: Rick Phifer & Graflin | bar in BFE but the first Groove to
One for the money...Two for the Show! | Moove night was a BLAST so you'd
Been away too long...It's time to | better come out for this one. Live
TECH * TECH * TECHNO!!! | performances by Body Release, Big
"LIVE" Elvis | Engine. DJ's: Mike Filly (Cleveland),
| Nik Popa (Akron)
DJs: O'Die from Memphis |---------------------------------------
DAZ from Memphis | SAT DEC 12 - Jive Alive and the
Chip B from Nashville | Everlasting Gobstopper. Nashville TN
with T-Zer Visual Attacks | Info: (615) 780-3730
|---------------------------------------
Smart Bar by Flip & Dip | Fallout Shelter - 2 S. West St.
50000 Watts of Sound by Space Bass | Raleigh, NC. Mondays and Wednesdays
$10 Cover * $12 w/o invite | Industrial Dance Nights
Lights & Visuals by Technocolor |---------------------------------------
Live performance by SoundShock | 88.1FM WKNC Raleigh, NC - Night Waves
Omni New Daisy on Beale Street | Wednesdays feature rave music, but
info 901.763.8064 | ignore Spam&Eggs, the reviewers
*** Memphis, TN *** |---------------------------------------
| Depot - Raves with U.N.I.T.Y.
---------------------------------------| 300 E. Washington St, off Market St.
ELECTRONIC RAVES LISTINGS: | Greensboro, NC
SE-RAVES, southeast coast. |---------------------------------------
to subscribe, send an empty message | Wilmington, NC: Metropolis
to: dickendj@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu | Located 1 block back from docks
with subject: "SUBSCRIBE SE-RAVES" |---------------------------------------
|
MW-RAVES - midwestern region | Detroit: VOOM rave in the basement of
to subscribe, send an empty message | the "Bank". First date is Sat, Nov 21
to: ajbennett@miavx1.ac.muohio.edu | FOR INFO, CALL (313) 433-2129
with subject: SUBSCRIBE |
===============================================================================
C O N V E N T I O N S
December 11-13, 1992 (Louisiana)
SMOFCON 9. Doubletree Hotel, New Orleans LA. Convention for convention
organizers. Memb: $40 until 9/30/92, more after (checks payable to
William Jensen). Info: William Jensen, 8331 Donoghue St., New
Carrollton MD 20784.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sing-song of the dead
@@@@@@^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^@@@@@@@@ ---------------------
@@@@@ @@@@@@ An (ahem) original work.
@@@@ w ww wi @@@@@ (c) 1990 by Senkrad Latot.
@@@, ~ ~~ ~I @@@@
@@@' ; ,-@< @@@@ I saw Elvis selling candy to the
@@@ _eW@@@ `@@@ children on the corner
@@@ @@@@@@@q j@@@@@@@ O @@@ He grinned and winked at me
@@@ @@@@@@@@w___,w@@@@@@@@ @ @@@ Right then, I knew he wasn't dead
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ } @@@ He and Mr. Freedom drink tea at Mae's
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I @@@ on Sundays
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@*@[ i @@@ Don't ask me how I know
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~ ; @@@ The proof is in my head
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@[] | ]@@@
@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@[][ | @@@ Buddy Holly cuts my hair-
@@@ ~_._ ~@@@@@@@~ ____~ @ @@@ he's got a knack for it
@@@ ;;- `@@@@@' @@@ Just a bit of a snip or two
@@@ _~ ,en, `@@@~ en `@ ]l J@@@ He always gets it right
@@@ -()- @@@/ _-()- @ ]L @@@ Morrison sacks groceries at the
@@@ , @@w@ww+ @@@ww``,,@w@ ][ @@@@ five-and-dime on Bellevue
@@@ . @@ @ @@@~-zz..@@@ ][ @@@@ You really can't tell that it's him
@@@, @@@@www@@@ @@@@@@@ww@@@@@[ @@@@ Unless the light is right
@@@. @@@@&&&@@@ @@&@@@@@@@@@@@[ @@@@
@@@@ || @@@@@@P' @@Q@@@@@@@@@@@[:C@@@@ Saw Stevie Ray on Jeopardy--
@@@@_ @@@@@@ @@ @@@@@@@@@@ ;$@@@@ he came in second place
@@@@@w| '@@P~ ,@@@@-w, wU@@w'],@@@@@@ Didn't know all the answers
@@@@@@ @@ P]@@@=~j ~Y@@^ ] @@@@@@ But still he played the game
@@@@@@_ !@@t+ ~~ ]]@@@@@@ Janice J. and Jimi own a KAO in Flagstaff
@@@@@@[ - -J@@T# @@@@@@ They run an honest business
@@@@@@@,@ @@, _,,,,,,,y ,w@@[ ,@@@@@@@ Though they don't use their real names
@@@@@@@ @ @@ C !@@ @@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@ i @w. ====--_@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ Some day soon the dead
@@@@@@@@ @2' '@@@@~ @@@@@@@@ will arise
@@@@@@@@@`,P~ / ~^^^^Y@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ before your eyes
@@@@@@@@@@. y @@@@ @@@@@@@@@ to your surprise
@@@^^=^@@^ ^' .@@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@ But not mine
@@ , ,ww,w@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@@
@@_xJw w , @@@@@@@&~_@@@@@@@@@@@@ They'll have a word or two
@ @~ ~ ,@ @@@@@@@P _@@@@@@@@@@@@@ for all you grievers
@ U. ,@@@,_____ _,J@@@@@@@@@@@@@ non-believers
@ v; @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ deceivers
@L `' ,@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Of your own depressing minds
@~ _-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ They will say "Be happy
don't worry
Holy Temple of no hurry
Mass Consumption mustn't scurry
PO Box 30904 Around feeling down--it's all wrong
Raleigh, NC 27622
"We should all be living
"Why No Holy Vegetable?" for the day
let us play
'cause if we may
We'd like to have you join us in a song"
[George Bush La la la la la la la .....
graphics here]
Liberace is dead
I saw him die
And I don't know why