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NUMBER OF LINES: 999
001=Usr:0 Null User 06/30/87 20:34 Msg:0 Call:0 Lines:19
1$If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
2$************************* 26 JAN 90 **************************************
3$Welcome to BWMS II (BackWater Message System II) Mike Day System operator
4$**************************************************************************
5$GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS II IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6$ PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7$BWMS II was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS II is a privately
8$owned and operated system which is currently open for use by the general
9$public. No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the
10$system is privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all
11$messages which I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the
12$system, it will be periodically purged of messages (only 999 lines of data
13$can be saved). To leave a message, type 'ENTER'. Use ctrl/C to get out
14$the ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering
15$the message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to
16$replace the line. To exit from the system, type 'BYE' then hang up.
17$Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18$**************************************************************************
19$
002=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 01/26/90 20:34 Msg:4898 Call:27090 Lines:3
20 However well organized the foundations of life may be,
21 life must always be full of risks. -- Havelock Ellis
22 **************************************************************
003=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 01/26/90 22:23 Msg:4899 Call:27093 Lines:9
23 &*&*&*&*'s
24 AT THE TOP!
25
26 It's been awhile since I've been at the top, and here I am on the first
27 complete disk of the 90's.
28
29 An Astral Dreamer
30 &*&*&*&*'s
31
004=Usr:385 Steve Culliton 01/26/90 23:36 Msg:4900 Call:27094 Lines:4
32 ------------------------------- ------------------------------
33 First new disk of the 90's? Heck I want to be remembered also!
34 ------------------------------- ------------------------------
35 And what a bonus, almost at the TOP!
005=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 01/27/90 01:42 Msg:4902 Call:27096 Lines:11
36 *%@#*)#^)*$@(_)(#%(#@^()#$(^#$(^#(^@#(_)(@)_%(_)~%(@%(_)%(~_)%(#(_)(%!@%(_)(%
37 Mikey, you have connections at Borland - could you forward a big thanks
38 from me to Jeff Brown in Quattro Customer support - he discovered an
39 undocumented but important bit of information for printing from QP to
40 postscript printers, but I was not able to thank him since he left the
41 information in a phone message. Anyway, if you could I would appreciate
42 it - competent help on answer lines is so rare these days...
43 voyeur: How goes the new box? Not even a peep (or just a small peep)
44 out of you. Can you make it to the PCS meeting on the 1st of Feb???
45 *_)#*$)%$#)^(_)(_)@#(%_@(%%() L'homme sans Parity *(%@#(%@((%@)_%*@%@#%(@(%)@
46
006=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth 01/27/90 12:21 Msg:4904 Call:27101 Lines:20
47 \/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/\
48 About the 6-year-old Programmers...
49 My brother first got an Apple II whe was 12 years old, and then
50 he found out about modems and BBSs when her was 14. In fact, one of the
51 first BBSs he was on was the first BackWater. Because he didn't want to
52 look like a "juvie", he got himself a dictionary and thesaurus and learned
53 to type and to spell and to sound like an educated human being. In fact,
54 I'm grateful to the BBSs for that -- he had been in a phonetic reading
55 program that has screwed up his spelli, I thought beyond repair.
56 My Point: If he had been insulted and ragged on fot getting those
57 first attempts exactly correct, he would never have made a further effort
58 and U of O would not have the excellent RA they now have. Please give the
59 "juvies" a little slack; just enough for them to either learn something or
60 hang themselves. Think about it.
61 Blue Rose
62 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\/-\/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-\/-\/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
63 /\-/\-/\-/\-
64 Sorry about the typos: new roomie, new computer, lousy keyboard.
65 'he', 'when','spelling', 'fo.
66 /\-/\-/\-/\-
007=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig 01/27/90 12:42 Msg:4905 Call:27102 Lines:14
67 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | I Be Back. Read Last Disk Fer Detailsssssssss
68
69 What are even scarier than the six year programmers are the 20 year old
70 programmers who've never grown up. Think about it. A six year old at least
71 has the chance to become a responsible modemer, and besides, they usually
72 don't have as much experience in twitdom as some of the 20 year olds I know
73 (some of whom are employed as computer programmers developing the software
74 the unsuspecting public buys, really scary huh?).
75
76 The point of this statement being (I assume nobody could get the drivel
77 above) that the younger generation out there at least has time to learn
78 responsibility before they learn to do anything really destructive.
79
80 KKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!!!!
008=Usr:137 The Professor 01/27/90 13:37 Msg:4906 Call:27103 Lines:5
81 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
82 The Professor returns.......(I know, big deal.)
83 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
84
85
009=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 01/27/90 13:55 Msg:4907 Call:27105 Lines:4
86 L'homme, The message is on it's way through the electronic
87 pathways and byways. With luck, it won't get lost or side
88 tracked to some small out of the way bit sink like BW <g>.
89 ********************************************************
010=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig 01/27/90 16:44 Msg:4908 Call:27108 Lines:15
90 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Survey Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
91
92 Enquiring Minds Want To Know:
93
94 Who all here saw Erik The Viking? What's you think of it?
95
96 Does anyone here finish reading the old disk when it is replaced by a
97 new disk? If not, what's the point of leaving final messages?
98
99 What's the difference between a duck?
100
101 Whadd'ya think of re-introducing wolves into the wilderness?
102
103 KKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | >R Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!
104
011=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth 01/28/90 11:57 Msg:4909 Call:27121 Lines:10
105 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\
106
107 20-year-olds are pretty bed... I lived with four for a while!
108
109 I wanted to see Erik the Viking, but they canceled it to sw a fight...
110 *I* read the last disk, so I think last messages are pretty important...
111 Re-introducing wolves is a goothing. "Predators Keep the Balance!"
112
113 (On that first line I meantAd... I still need to learn to type...)
114 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/-\/\-Blue Rose-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\
012=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig 01/28/90 13:55 Msg:4910 Call:27125 Lines:1
115@
013=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig 01/28/90 18:31 Msg:4911 Call:27137 Lines:3
116
117 Awright! Where the hell is everyone?!??!
118
014=Usr:4 Milchar 01/29/90 03:17 Msg:4912 Call:27145 Lines:2
119 We're hiding, KR. We're here, but we're hiding. :-)
120
015=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 01/29/90 09:42 Msg:4913 Call:27147 Lines:5
121 {Whispered} "What was that?"
122 {Loud whisper} "Is it time to come out yet?"
123 {Silence}
124 {Quite whisper} "I guess not."
125
016=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth 01/29/90 17:41 Msg:4914 Call:27156 Lines:3
126 If you made the last "real" entry 24 hours ago, is it bad taste to put on
127 another one?
128 /\-/\-/\-/\-Blue Rose
017=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 01/29/90 18:55 Msg:4915 Call:27158 Lines:1
129@YES.
018=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 01/29/90 20:32 Msg:4916 Call:27159 Lines:10
130 It's not bad taste as long as you don't hog the disk.
131 What will get people mad at you is using their character without
132 permission. Other than that, they'll let you know if it is iritating.
133 ********************************************************************
134 If you are having trouble getting through, keep trying. We seem to
135 be experiencing phone line problems. It looks like the old problem
136 has returned. Hopefully it will be cleared up soon. In the meantime,
137 if you get a busy signal, try calling again. you may get through after
138 couple of tries.
139 *********************************CM***********************************
019=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/02/90 14:02 Msg:4917 Call:27185 Lines:7
140 &*&*&*&*'s
141 Looks lik BWMSII has returned from the land of dead telephone lines.
142 Perhaps this was all a plot by the enemys of the NET...
143
144 An Astral Dreamer (Am I to hard to understand?)
145 &*&*&*&*'s
146
020=Usr:7 Leonard Erickson 02/02/90 18:17 Msg:4918 Call:27204 Lines:6
147 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
148 The NET has no enemies...
149
150
151 ....left.
152 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
021=Usr:70 Kurfur Redlig 02/02/90 19:41 Msg:4919 Call:27206 Lines:9
153 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Enemies, No. Rivals, Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
154
155 AD- You are perfectly understandable. One only needs to go without sleep
156 for 3 days before reading your messages.
157
158 Question: Since such classes as Art Appreciation and Literature
159 Appreciation exist, why are there no classes on Alchohol Appreciation?
160
161 KKKKKKKKKKKKKurfur Redlig | Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!!!!!!!!!!!!
022=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/02/90 20:57 Msg:4921 Call:27207 Lines:2
162 NET has no need for enemies, they _are_ the enemy! <grin>
163 ----------------------------------------------------------
023=Usr:136 Linda Forsyth 02/04/90 10:28 Msg:4924 Call:27221 Lines:7
164 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
165 So that's why I could never get through! Explains a lot - apparently
166 Artistic Licence had the same problem . . .
167 Does anyone ever do Backwater Inn stories any more? Are they passe?
168 Will people throw bricks if I start one up again? Whad'ya think?
169 /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\Blue Rose/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-
170
024=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/04/90 15:27 Msg:4925 Call:27225 Lines:3
171 No one would throw bricks if you were to write something. They might
172 throw flowers though...
173 .........................................................................
025=Usr:81 Albright 02/05/90 23:50 Msg:4926 Call:27234 Lines:49
174 Speaking of writing something -
175 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
176
177 Scarlet, Wadsworth, and I were separated in the brothel before I
178 could get any information concerning our mission. I was led to a room
179 adorned with lots of pretty things, including a redhead.
180 As we began the usual business procedures, I couldn't figure out
181 why the words "never put yourself into a vulnerable position" kept
182 flashing through my head. Within a couple minutes, however, I was mildly
183 surprised to find myself chained helplessly to the bed, with no specific
184 memory of the actual motions that had put me there.
185 "Tell me everything you know, mister." She demanded, slowly
186 unfastening my belt. I laughed in appreciation of the fantasy-scenario
187 she had chosen. She played her role well -- with a manner that was both
188 menacing and seductive.
189 She produced a knife. "Simon Albright. Tell me everything you
190 know about George!" Scratch seductive. Suddenly she was invoking certain
191 mental images involving knives and dropping-pants that, frankly, spoiled
192 the mood for me.
193 Just as I reached certain key stages of un-dress, her eyes blew
194 open and she froze in amazement (much to the satisfaction of my ego).
195 But when she collapsed across my supine body, I could see the tranquilizer
196 dart protruding from her posterior.
197 And I watched as my benefactor emerged from a darkened corner of
198 the room. It was the dark woman I had encountered in the lobby. She
199 hurried to my side and hauled the other woman off of me, glancing for only
200 a moment in the obvious direction, and then stretched over me to unlock
201 the handcuffs. Suddenly we heard angry, confused shouts and the sound of
202 panicked running in the hall.
203 "Hurry!" She pleaded. "They're here! I can get you to safety!"
204 She hit a control somewhere and a section of the wall slid away, revealing
205 a dark passage. I was almost through the doorway when I remembered
206 Scarlet!
207 "Wait!" I shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders. "I have to get
208 the two men I came with!"
209 "It's too late!" She said frantically. "They've already been
210 taken away! I found this--" She handed me a card featuring a silhouetted
211 rabbit.
212 Just then the commotion in the hall grew louder and someone
213 started pounding on the door to our room.
214 "Dammit, you're coming with me," I growled, forcing her roughly
215 into the passage ahead of me. Scarlet never had a chance to tell me what
216 the mission was about, and I needed someone with answers!
217 We emerged in a dark alley and found a black limousine with keys
218 in the ignition. It wasn't until after we had driven for several minutes
219 that we noticed a deck of the rabbit-cards on the dashboard.
220
221 Albright
222 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
026=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 02/07/90 20:12 Msg:4927 Call:27253 Lines:19
223 *@)*%_)@#%_)@#%_)(!(%!#(%#(%!#+_)#+_%($#_^*@!_)$!+@_%)!_#+(%@_#(^_@+%#+@_%(@+_(
224 Mikey: Sorry for missing the PCS meeting, but the professor kept us in class
225 till 9:00pm ('spoused to get over at 7:00pm) and I figured it was a bit too
226 late to drive from 196th west side to 92nd east side by then. I assume you
227 have worked out your own transform algorithms by now. If not, a good source
228 for such things is the seminal book on Computer Graphics by Foley and VanDam
229 (sp) - Also, Newman and Sproul (again sp?) have a CG book full of great
230 mathematical stuff. I have both and have used them many times...
231
232 voyeur: Still no peep? Is the box working or not? Phosphor does not reveal
233 its origin, 8MHz or 33MHz!
234
235 Blue person: The thing that gets me about 6-year-old programmers is how they
236 invariably claim they have been programming for 7 years. A feat I have yet
237 to figure out, given there are no registered patents for womb-based rs232
238 devices.
239
240 *%#@_%*_)#%_#%)@#%@#*%_)#*%_@#&%@#)*^@ L'homme sans Parity *%_*_)!)(_)%*!*%!%!%
241
027=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/08/90 19:55 Msg:4929 Call:27259 Lines:6
242 &*&*&*&*'s
243 One Short
244
245 An Astral Dreamer
246 &*&*&*&*&*'s
247
028=Usr:81 Albright 02/08/90 20:51 Msg:4930 Call:27262 Lines:19
248 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
249
250 "Who is this rabbit!?" I demanded, thrusting the deck of rabbit-
251 cards into my companion's face.
252 Alexandra only shook her head. "All I know is that he's been
253 taking over all sorts of small-time crime operations. Drugs. Prostitution.
254 Confidence. You name it. Apparently this is one of his limousines we
255 borrowed."
256 I nodded. It made sense -- George had spent years consolidating
257 small organizations, knowing that the surest way of influencing a country's
258 actions is to corrupt and dictate the morals of her people. It was no
259 wonder George was interested in this Zephyr. Although it was probable
260 that Zephyr was just a penny-ante, greed-motivated thug.
261 "How can we get my friends back?" I asked her. "How can I get in
262 touch with this rodent?"
263 "Lagomorph," she corrected. "You can't. He's completely unreachable."
264 So I practically jumped through the roof when the car-phone rang.
265 Albright
266 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
029=Usr:146 mike ahl 02/09/90 11:28 Msg:4931 Call:27271 Lines:2
267
268
030=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 02/09/90 14:07 Msg:4933 Call:27275 Lines:87
269 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
270
271 "Are you certain? Did you sweep the area?"
272 "From floor to ceiling, and damn straight. They're nowhere to be
273 found."
274 Dawson cursed softly. "Right, then. Turn this building over to
275 one of the Crack groups, and set them up with the materials for what they
276 need." Stepping through the doorway, he kicked aside the impaled blonde who
277 blocked the entrance. "And somebody clean this place up! It looks like a
278 Whorehouse!"
279
280 * * *
281
282 Leichter stepped through the Main Hall and into the inner chamber,
283 Hall and into the inner chamber, heading towards a wall of books. Examining
284 the rows of titles, he made a selection, removing THE COLLECTED WORKS OF
285 BEATRIX POTTER from its place on the shelf. Immediately, with a dull hum,
286 the wall rose upwards, clicking firmly into place above him and revealing a
287 tiny door.
288 He rapped three times, listening to the resounding echo.
289 "Come in, come in, Leichter." came the syrupy voice from inside.
290 Leichter complied, squeezing through the miniscule entrance with as much
291 dignity and respect as he could.
292 "Sit down, sit down." wheezed the old man behind a desk that looked
293 as if it had been hewn from stone. "And tell me..." he paused "Tell me
294 about how things are going."
295 Leichter eyed the Old Man warily, trying to gauge the emotions that hid
296 behind those glassy eyes. He complied with the Old Man's wishes, seating
297 himself in the soft leather seat that had slid into place in front of the
298 desk from across the room.
299 "If you're asking about George-"
300 "Now," the Owithered face twisted into a grin that chilled Leichter.
301 "What else do you think I'm talking about?"
302 "The fact of the matter is that my independent research hasn't turned up
303 anything beyond what we already knew. Specifically, that it was a covert
304 group independent of government ties, though it was not initially such.
305 That, and that it's on the move, and that their chief agent for is motion
306 is a man named Albright. Beyond that, the records are so ridden with bugs and
307 psuedo-viruses that we can't go ay further. At least, not now."
308 "So in other words, we're back to where we started from?"
309 "Look at it this way. You cleared out the brothel."
310 The Old Man's eyes never left Leichter's as he rose from his desk and
311 hobbled over to a cabinet. Opening a drawer, he extracted a whiskey bottle
312 and two glasses. "Leichter... you're a good man, and I look for that in my
313 line of work."
314 Leichter shifted, decidedly uncomfortable with the tone of the
315 false praise. "Thanks." he muttered.
316 "You're young, bright, resourceful, and looking to, erh, go places..."
317 He filled the two glasses with liquor. "Whiskey?" the Old Man offered.
318 Leichter popped a stick of spearmint gum into his mouth.
319 "Ehr, I see." the Old Man coughed. "Now, let us get down to the real
320 matter at hand-" The intercom on the Old Man's desk began flashing
321 frantically. "Just a moment. Yes?"
322 "Sir?"
323 "Yes, Dawson, what is it?"
324 "Sir, we've located the missing operative. It seems that he stole our
325 vehicle."
326 "Excuse me?" the Old Man hissed.
327 "Yes, he stole our vehicle while we were inside..." Dawson's voice
328 trailed off.
329 o "Ah, I see. Now get back to what you were doing. I'm busy here."
330 "But-" There was an audible click.
331 "We'll discuss our little matter later, Leichter. Now, I believe that
332 you had some business to attend to?"
333 "Right, boss."
334
335 * * *
336
337 Leichter strode like a lion into the still air of the white chamber,
338 sending the fine mist that permeated it darting about his massive form.
339 He eyed the man chained to one of the padded walls. "Hello there, my friend.
340 I belive we have a mutual acuaintence by the name of George?"
341 The replywas suitably derogatory.
342 "Thank you. I DID so want this to be fun." Leichter opened a pocket
343 on his overcoat and withdrew a large skinning knife. "I believe your name
344 is Scarlet, no? How appropriate."
345
346 * * *
347
348 Within the confines of the black limousine, the ringing of the phone
349 was the only sound. Finally, someone realized that they should answer.
350 "Hello?" came the quavering voice.
351 "Hello there, my young friend. I hope that you have been suitably
352 enlightened regarding our procedures. How delightful."
353 Beneath the car, a small box with an LED readout sprang to life...
354 15...14....13....12...
355 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
031=Usr:148 aaron kimpton 02/10/90 20:42 Msg:4935 Call:27290 Lines:5
356
357 For all you modem people....
358 A NWBS
359
360
032=Usr:152 Aaron Kimpton 02/12/90 17:39 Msg:4936 Call:27328 Lines:10
361 For all you modem people....
362
363 A NEW BBS
364 Capt. Zzap introduces:
365 Programers Paridise=641-7295
366 It has the latest online games, and the best
367 Vietnam, Darklord, Qest
368 Suports ATARI, ANSI, ASCII color modes
369
370
033=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/12/90 20:00 Msg:4937 Call:27335 Lines:5
371
372 HELOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
373
374 Not even an echo.
375
034=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/12/90 20:41 Msg:4938 Call:27337 Lines:1
376 burp!
035=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 02/12/90 23:41 Msg:4939 Call:27344 Lines:7
377 *@#*%^*(^@%(@_)(@#_)^$#^*_)%(#@_)%(@_)%(@#_%)(@#+%)@_#+%@#_*%@_^*@@#_^*
378 That burp must signify that no, you don't need any graphics routines
379 anymore, and yes, I can put my books back on the shelf, eh? :-)
380
381 voyeur: still no word? This is worse than the trs-80 model 1 days!
382 *(%_)@#*%)_%(*_)(%#%^_)%@%)(@#_% L'homme sans Parity %*)_%_(@_)%(@#_)%(
383
036=Usr:394 Rayall the Pirat 02/13/90 16:02 Msg:4942 Call:27355 Lines:5
384 ArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArr
385 Ah yes, I remember back in MY day! Had to use an ABACUS then, matey, so don't
386 be complainin' about no TRS-80, me boyo! Arr! Whiskey for everyone!
387 Rayall
388 ArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArrArr
037=Usr:4 Milchar 02/13/90 22:56 Msg:4944 Call:27364 Lines:12
389 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
390 All I wanted was a ray trace... and it wouldn't give it to me! Just
391 a ray trace...all I wanted was a ray trace...
392 CM: A two-cpu Sequent running Dynix under a moderate load takes 10 minutes
393 to generate a trace. I seem to be taking 93% of one of the cpus...
394 Since QRT hasn't produced any results, I am using a ported version of
395 another program entirely, with the help of one of the local graphics
396 gods... But I still haven't got the effect we want. Now, if I had an
397 account in the engineering department, where all the COLOR workstations
398 lurk, perhaps things would be different...
399
400 ++++++++++++++++++ still trying ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++
038=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/14/90 20:20 Msg:4945 Call:27380 Lines:7
401 L'Homme: I managed to sweet talk a certain friend to help out. Don't know
402 how long he'll remain a friend after this though! <grin>
403 Milch: Well, I suppose you could come over and use my Cray that my wife
404 Morgan Fairchild gave to me for my birthday last year. Yeah, right,
405 my wife gave it to me...yeah, that's that ticket!
406 Just got a new book. Crc Handbook of Mathematical Curves and Surfaces.
407 ******************************* CM ***************************************
039=Usr:4 Milchar 02/14/90 21:58 Msg:4946 Call:27383 Lines:4
408 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
409 Oh, I don't think I'll need more than a few nano-cpu-seconds (now, is
410 that a few seconds on a nano-cpu, or...?)
411 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++++++++++++++++++++
040=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/15/90 19:14 Msg:4947 Call:27395 Lines:3
412 Well, as Robin Williams might say, I think I might have a few Nanu's to
413 spare. Nanu nanu.
414 ********************************* CM ************************************
041=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/15/90 21:24 Msg:4948 Call:27398 Lines:6
415 &*&*&*&*'s
416 New Part Time BBS. Hours are 11 pm till 6pm weekdays. 1200 N81.
417
418 An Astral Dreamer
419 &*&*&*&*'s
420
042=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 02/16/90 17:32 Msg:4949 Call:27416 Lines:5
421 *@#*%@#%@#(%_)(%_)(^_)*^)@(%%(_)(%#%@#^*@#_)(!_)%(!_)*^_)(%!#(%_)(!%(%(_!%_(
422 CM: Good news. Let's see if your friend is still a friend in a few weeks.
423 AAD: How many kid-co-sysops do you have? Can I be one too, pleeeze???
424 *%_@#(%*_)@#(%_)@#(_)#(%@&@#^@_( L'homme sans Parity %(_#%_%(!_%_)#^*_(_%(_%(
425
043=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/16/90 21:54 Msg:4950 Call:27421 Lines:6
426 But Lhomy, you already *are* a kid-co-sysop!!! ;-)
427 ********************************* CM ************************************
428 All: I've been considering reducing the number of lines available on
429 each disk here by about 300 or so lines to pick up some needed disk
430 space. Any comments? Do you hate the idea? Like it? Don't care?
431 ****************************** CM ***********************************
044=Usr:4 Milchar 02/16/90 22:57 Msg:4951 Call:27423 Lines:6
432 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
433 About 300 lines or so....999 - 300 = 699. Oh, NO! We're approaching the
434 dreaded 629 LINE LIMIT! Aaaack! :-)
435 L'homme: Count 1 roommate with sysop powers. First time I've been a kid-co
436 -sysop...
437 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
045=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/18/90 11:07 Msg:4952 Call:27439 Lines:9
438 &*&*&*&*'s
439 No Kid Co-Sysops. In fact, so far there are very few users. The hours are
440 rather limiting right now. It's hard to get people to call in regularly, as
441 there are a billion or so BBS's in portland. Given full time status I think
442 things will improve.
443
444 An Astral Dreamer
445 &*&*&*&*'s
446
046=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/18/90 20:42 Msg:4953 Call:27448 Lines:2
447 How come when I log on I get this "rooms available message?"
448 -------------------- kid-co-sysop ---------------------------
047=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/19/90 00:08 Msg:4955 Call:27452 Lines:2
449 And what's this "ALL" command thingy?
450 ---------------------------------------
048=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/19/90 08:33 Msg:4959 Call:27457 Lines:7
451 &*&*&*&*'s
452 Just a reminder to everyone to call my BBS. Number posted above. Milch and
453 I are the sysops.
454
455 An Astral Dreamer
456 &*&*&*&*'s
457
049=Usr:81 Albright 02/20/90 20:43 Msg:4967 Call:27499 Lines:67
458 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*
459
460 I slammed the phone down and skidded the car to a stop.
461 ...TEN...NINE...EIGHT...
462 "What's wrong?!" screamed Alexandra.
463 ...SEVEN...
464 "Get out!" I shouted, trying to open my door.
465 ...SIX...
466 She spotted the LED and froze for a moment while I leaned across
467 her to open her door. It wouldn't budge.
468 ...FIVE...FOUR...
469 She started banging on a window with one of her stiletto heels.
470 ...THREE...
471 I looked around wildly, helplessly.
472 ...TWO...
473 We cringed grotesquely.
474 ...ONE...
475 Alexandra lunged suddenly, grasping the ignition key and rotating
476 it from "ACC" to "Off." The LED faded.
477 ...?...
478 After several seconds, considerably less than one of which involved
479 our dismemberment, we burst into laughter, and threw our arms around each
480 other. The tension slowly drained from our bodies as we held each other in
481 the ensuing silence.
482 Finally, we took stock of our situation. The doors wouldn't open
483 and we couldn't locate any knobs for the windows.
484 "Oh, here!" Alexandra proclaimed, pointing to a switch on the
485 door. "This switch lowers the window." She clicked it a couple times, with
486 no effect. "Needs electricity though."
487 "No problem!" I said, absently reaching for the ignition.
488 Albright
489 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
490
491 WwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw
492
493 Scarlet hung, exhausted, from the wall where Leichter was interrogating
494 him. He had revealed nothing to the fiendish man.
495 "So, you are willing to die rather than reveal your secrets!" said the
496 interrogator. "We'll see if you feel the same way while your friend is
497 mutilated before your eyes!" So Scarlet was removed and Wadsworth was
498 fastened to the wall in his place.
499 "You realize I am sworn to delete myself, and my companion, before
500 downloading...uh...revealing any vital data," said Scarlet quietly.
501 "But Leichter simply ordered an electric shock to be administered to
502 Wadsworth's helpless body. Scarlet watched in anguish.
503 "Now, Scarlet," Leichter said smoothly, "let's start with this cal-
504 culator-looking thing." He produced Scarlet's little computer device. "My
505 scientists can't get it to work. Tell me what it is."
506 Scarlet took it from Leichter. "This? Why, this is just a simple
507 calculator." He secretly connected its dangling wire to something beneath
508 his jacket. "For example," Scarlet continued, "If I were to enter two
509 zeroes, like this ...zero...zero... an then an undefined variable, like this
510 "D", which could stand for ... oh, say... 'Destruct', and then I were to enter
511 another zero..."
512 Wadsworth
513
514 WwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw
515
516 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
517
518 "You nearly blew the shit out of us." Alexandra observed.
519 "Well you didn't have to overreact." I replied, massaging my
520 bruised jaw. "Anyway, it's a good thing I remembered about this anvil I've
521 been carrying around!"
522 And so I smashed the window and we were free.
523 Albright
524 Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al*Al
050=Usr:1 CISTOP MIKEY 02/21/90 18:48 Msg:4971 Call:27513 Lines:6
525 the one with the muscular arm decending from above with a vaugly
526 labial growth on the shoulder, clutching a mammary nosed Zephyr,
527 veiled in thin chromnium yellow, spewing a green chrona, with a
528 figure in the rear dashing to the distance to get out of the path
529 or pull away from the chest of the arm, I don't know which....
530 -------------------------------------------------------------------
051=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 02/22/90 14:24 Msg:4974 Call:27530 Lines:150
531 696969696969
532 The Little UFO that Could
533 *************************
534 * TOP SECRET *
535 *************************
536 GAMMA SIGMA PHI
537 FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
538 by
539 Benjamim Jamen
540 What I am about to tell you is a story which will tax the limits of your
541 imagination. This story is as true as any other UFO documentary. Every word
542 of it. There is a Howard (known around the office as Howierd). We ARE the
543 best of buddies. There is a Prissy. She IS a skinny little Japanese girl who
544 works at Frizby's. And, worst of all, there IS a coverup in progress right as
545 you read these words!
546
547 What does all this have to do with UFO's? More than you think. Read on...
548
549 Howy and I were designing the next generation of software on the back of beer
550 soaked napkins at Frizby's when the subject was first broached. Howierd
551 designs software with wire wrap tools and soldering irons. He's the kind of
552 guy who reads every issue of Microcornucopia from cover-to-cover and has
553 little gadgets, scattered throughout his cubicle, to prove it. Since the
554 company won't let him connect directly into the phone line with some of his
555 wizmos (our 'Telephone Control Officer' is a flunky GS-2 who constantly has to
556 flex his nonexistant power muscle by not letting us do the neat and
557 interesting things which require a direct connection to the local PBX), Howy
558 built a neat little robot arm (see issue 16 of Byte magazine) that lifts up
559 the handset and places it on his 'answering machine', which is really a
560 digitizer connected to his PC which...anyway, you get the picture. Howy,
561 despite his harmless pudge, is a force to be reckoned with. The Aliens never
562 had a chance against him.
563
564 There I go, getting sidetracked again. But, if you want to hear this story,
565 you're going to have to sit through the whole thing, as I remember it.
566 Anything less would be a distortion of the truth! You wouldn't see the 'big
567 picture', as they say in the Intelligence world. Howy and I have worked on
568 Intel projects for years, now. We go in the building in the morning and
569 sometimes come out at night. There are no windows or anything like that in
570 there. Looking from the outside, you'd call me a liar, because it looks like
571 the building is no less than 80% glass. But, if you could look through that
572 glass you'd see a metal shield staring you right back in the face. The shield
573 is there so that the important work Howy and I do for the security of this
574 country doesn't emanate into the government housing project across the street.
575 No telling what the dead beats across the street would do with that kind of
576 information.
577
578 With a job like that, you can now see why we were at Frizby's soaking up the
579 suds. Prissy was standing there-after a few I always wind up leaning as far
580 back as possible to get a good gander at her posterial (look that up in your
581 Websters!) gift as she bends over to hand Howy his next brew (if you are going
582 to appreciate any part of her anatomy, it's got to be the rear since the other
583 two parts are smaller than freeze dried lotus buds). I use the angle of the
584 lean as a measure, that is, I allow myself to lean far enough back to fall out
585 of the chair up to 3 times before declaring I've had enough and calling it
586 quits for the night. This proved to be a good night. The chair was already
587 at a good 45 degree angle and I wasn't even beginning to lose balance.
588
589 Howy started it, "You seen all that UFO stuff on the Bulletin Boards lately?"
590
591 "Yeah, pretty crazy...", I replied. Prissy was ambling away, holding the
592 empty tray in the curve of her left side. I watched her. You know, there
593 comes a point just short of middle age when the lower part of a man's anatomy
594 sporadically and totally drains the cerebral cortex of blood, leaving him in a
595 state of semiconsciousness, a point at which he is no longer responsible for
596 his actions. In other words, the brain is drained of blood in order to feed
597 the capillaries of the lower extremity. Thinking is not possible. It is a
598 good time to talk about UFO's.
599
600 "No, I don't think it is, Ben. Think about it. It's all starting to fit
601 together. Why would the United States government fund such a silly project
602 like SETI to the tune of millions of dollars for years unless there was
603 something in it? You've been doing government contracts for years-doesn't all
604 of that strike you as the least bit peculiar?"
605
606 (...to be continued...)
607 696969696969696969
608 696969696969 (part 1b)
609 "Nope. The government's got tons of money and doesn't know what the hell to
610 do with it. Look at all the rat shit things they've had us do. Just this
611 morning I was calling all over the place to find someone to QA that little EMF
612 monitoring trinket you threw together. Only, when we find someone to do it,
613 they won't be cleared to even see the thing, much less QA it. By the time
614 they get cleared, you'll have come up with something even spiffier which will
615 obselete the first one while this QA guy sits around reading something really
616 mentally straining, like Wadsworth, and earning $50K/year. It's absurd!"
617
618 "Oh, you mean Herb. He was reading Whitman, not Wadsworth."
619
620 "It's all the same-your quintessential Liberal Arts trash."
621
622 "Funny-didn't you get a BA, as in Liberal Arts?"
623
624 "I got a degree in mathematics at a time when physics, chemistry, and math
625 degrees all fell under the BA umbrella. Now you can even get a BS in Business
626 Administration! Hey, when we got our degrees, the men were men and so were
627 the women. Remember, Howy???" I smiled and did a Groucho with my eyebrows.
628
629 "Hey, that's not funny. I had no idea that Brit was in drag. And facts are
630 facts: The Intelligence Community was willing enough to overlook my little
631 misadventure and still hand me a compartmented clearance.
632
633 "Look, Ben, don't change the subject. I'm serious. I want to talk about
634 UFO's before you lose count of how many times you've fallen off your stool and
635 decide to go home. Damn, beer's empty. HEY, PRISSY," Howy held up his hand
636 in the peace salute of yesteryear, "TWO MORE COLD ONES!"
637
638 Howy turned back and looked at me. This thing was eating him. Howy gets that
639 way sometimes. A problem is eating at him. He sleeps in his office a few
640 days, his breath starts smelling like axle grease, eyes turn red and wild,
641 everybody starts avoiding him. Then the problem is solved and good old Howy
642 is back.
643
644 Howy leaned over the table. He was really getting serious. "UFO's, Ben.
645 They're real. And you and me, we've got to prove that science is useful here.
646 The whole UFO movement is going over the deep end into all this mysticism
647 crap. "
648
649 "Why 'you and me'?"
650
651 "Because you're a practical person. You believe in the scientific method and
652 all that. You-"
653
654 "Wait a hold it. I'm a mathemaultician." Words were starting to slur a bit,
655 but I still had only tipped over once. "I make a bunch of rules, apply
656 numbers to them, if it all works out-great. If it means homosexuals can make
657 babies and the sky is green, that's fine as long as it all fits within the
658 context of the latest rules."
659
660 "Ben, you're such a logical person you can't even see it. Listen, I want to
661 tell you something serious and I don't want you to laugh. We have to go to
662 South America, Ben. We have to go to prove the UFO phenomenom is real and the
663 Aliens are a force to be reckoned with.
664
665 "Please, don't ask me how I know this. It's hard to accept, but it IS the
666 truth. Have I ever been wrong before?"
667
668 Good point. Wasn't much I could say to that. Howy, no matter how wierd his
669 claims have seemed in the past, has always turned out to be dead center, on
670 target, whenever he gets past the hypothesis stage. On the other hand...
671
672 "Before you always have said things for a reason. Yeah, there's been lots of
673 times when I haven't understood the reasons, but at least I had some idea,
674 maybe subconcious, you were on the right track." Then I suddenly realized I
675 was getting sucked into Howy's sullen attitude and tried to get the
676 conversation back to reality. "Jesus, let's get off the philosophical jargon.
677 Howy, you've already had too many beers and the fact is YOUR facts warped."
678
679 (...to be continued...)
680 696969696969696969
052=Usr:84 Michael Miller j 02/24/90 01:14 Msg:4975 Call:27557 Lines:8
681 &*&*&*&*'s
682 I've been somewhat less verbal here recently. Seems the older I get the less
683 of interest I have to say. This doesn't stop me from checking in every couple
684 of days though. I wonder what the lurk to post ratio is right now.
685
686 An Astral Dreamer
687 &*&*&*&*'s
688
053=Usr:4 Milchar 02/24/90 20:53 Msg:4976 Call:27572 Lines:3
689 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
690 Calls/messages = 5.54.
691 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milch-almost-lurking ++++++
054=Usr:13 voyeur 02/25/90 23:28 Msg:4978 Call:27588 Lines:11
692 :::::::O O:::::::02/26/90::::::::::::::::::::::::::::00:09:14:::::O O::::::::
693 L'homme: the Savage Bench88 gives Error: 0.0046340376139
694 E.T. : 00:00:09.06
695 Relative to IBM-PC: 22.185
696 (just a bit slower than a 286 /w 287)
697 the Dhrystone says:
698 Dhrystone(1.1) time for 50000 passes = 4
699 This machine benchmarks at 12500 dhrystones/second.
700 As someone once remarked, "Aye, Captain, and at Warp 9 we're going nowhere
701 mighty fast."
702 ::::::::O O::::::::::::::::::::::::voyeur::::::::::::::::::::::::::O O::::::::
055=Usr:11 L'homme sans Par 02/26/90 22:58 Msg:4981 Call:27605 Lines:4
703 $@%@%#@%))^)^*^(%$^#%^$#^(_*(&^$#%@#$%$)&(^^)^&_&$@#%$@%)^)^^%%(*%$%$^&%^$@&(_&
704 voyeur: green!
705 $#%@#%@$#%@#%~@~!@)^)^*)(_+(+^%^$^#@ L'homme sans Parity ^)^(*())%@#%#@%%^)^((&
706
056=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 02/28/90 14:06 Msg:4986 Call:27629 Lines:54
707 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::====
708 The Old Man watched in abject fascination as the unsavory occupants
709 of the automobile struggled in vain to extricate themselves from what appeared
710 to be an inescapable trap. He rotated away from the private camscreen he was
711 watching to flip open a small control panel, his trembling fingers hovering
712 over a few of the buttons... TOXIC SPILL, ACID, GAS... The decisions wer
713 so TAXING! But, then, that's why he was in charge, he mused.
714 A loud crash from the camscreen shattered both the distant car window
715 and his narrative posturing. He spun back to face the screen, cursing low
716 when he witnessed Albright and his group climbing clumsily from the car.
717 "Blast!" he hissed, sending a shiver down his spine with his own foulness
718 of word. "Such as this will not be accepted." He turned back to the
719 control panel and punched a key. TIMED DETONATION... 3... 2... 1
720
721 * * *
722
723 Far away at that exact same moment, Albright and company were
724 amazed to witness the exploding car provide them with a showing of what
725 appeared to be the widest assortment of car-deaths imaginable outside of a
726 James Bond film. Gas nozzles flared amidst burning jets of acid, a thick
727 green ooze devoured the leather interior, all as the flames from the
728 charges placed strategically around the car chose to detonate. Truly, it
729 was a sght to behold.
730
731 * * *
732
733 Leichter grabbed the calculator from its owner, ignoring the intense
734 electric shock that coursed through him. He held the device in front of
735 Wadsworth. As an evil grin crossed his mangled face, he crushed it,
736 sending bits of circuit board to the pristine white floor. "American
737 engineering." he whispered, as a black boot pressed the life out of whatever
738 bold computer chip had survived the terrible fall. "Now, as we say, back
739 to business?" Leichter drew the skinning knife. "George?"
740
741 * * *
742
743 Dawson pressed firmly on the intercom switch. "Boss?"
744 "Yes?"
745 "About the George cronies... Whaddayawan us to do wit' em?"
746 "Once Leichter is finished with them you can do whatever you wish.
747 Just make sure that they turn up floating in the East River by morning."
748 "You got it, Boss."
749 "Oh, and Dawson?"
750 "Yeah?" The Old Man could hear the audible snap ofDawson's bubble gum,
751 even across the intercom thick with coding static.
752 "Make it messy."
753 "Ciao."
754
755 Dawson lifted his finger from the first switch and pressed another.
756 "Boss wants us to ice the twerps. They took our main means of transport.
757 Accordin' to the Big Guy, they're somewhere near Fifth and Hutch. Send
758 in about seven guys and a chopper backup in case things don't work out."
759
760 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr (I told you We're Fast)===:::::====
057=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/01/90 12:57 Msg:4989 Call:27640 Lines:56
761 696969696969 (part one-c)
762 Prissy showed up right about then. Frizby's was pretty packed. She must have
763 heard the last part of the conversation since she chimed in while setting down
764 the little golden treasures, "You guys believe in flying saucers?"
765
766 "No", Me.
767
768 "Yes", Howy.
769
770 "I tell you something," Prissy continued. "I know flying saucer are real.
771 Believe it or not, I never slept with a man in my whole life. But I still
772 have a little boy. How that happen? Very simple. Space Aliens. They came
773 one night, give me a shot, then I have little boy in nine months."
774
775 You know, some people say that love can be measured in inches. If so, my love
776 for Prissy just deflated itself sufficiently well so that I was able, at least
777 a short time, to think in her prescence. In other words, the cerebrum became
778 engorged with blood and my brain's first reaction was to make me laugh. It
779 made me laugh real hard. Then it made me fall out of the stool for the second
780 time that night.
781
782 Howy was disgusted with me as he looked at Prissy, "Immaculate Conception-very
783 common theme among UFOlogists. Prissy, where are you from? I don't mean your
784 parents-you Orientals think 'where are you from?' means where are your folks
785 from. No, Dear," (boy, he was laying it on pretty thick-wish I'd thought of
786 that), "Where are YOU from?".
787
788 "I born and raised in Tokyo. But I still US citizen. Lot's of men here think
789 I need to get married to stay here, but that not so."
790
791 "Thanks for the personal history." Howy turned back to me, "Japanese. Gosh.
792 Do you know what that means, Ben? Part of this UFO cult believes the
793 Orientals are under the control of the Aliens. Mind boggling.
794
795 "How do you think a nation that has seen their currency double in value can
796 still produce superior automobiles at competitive prices?"
797
798 "Subsidies?" Prissy asked.
799
800 "No. Look at their Subaru's, for instance. No one else in the world can
801 build an $8,000 4 wheel drive vehicle and sell it with a 100K mile warranty.
802 Nobody. I'm not going to jump to conclusions-don't misunderstand me. It's
803 just part of the evidence. Ben, let me tell you something. Do you know what
804 Subaru means in Japanese?"
805
806 "Yeah, it mean a kind of star-consterration?" That was Prissy again.
807
808 "Right! It's a constellation, Pleiades to be exact. Why would a car company
809 name itself after a constellation?" Howy turned to me with that serious look
810 in his eyes again. I think Howy's been working too hard lately. Then he
811 slurred, "It all adds up. Ben, WILL you go to South America with me?"
812
813 At this point, I was afraid he was going to fall out of HIS chair.
814
815 "HEY, PRISS!" It was the bartender. "We got some thirsty people over here,
816 let's quit yapping and start flapping." I'm not sure what that meant,
058=Usr:165 Bart Simpson 03/01/90 13:16 Msg:4990 Call:27641 Lines:119
817 "HEY, PRISS!" It was the bartender. "We got some thirsty people over here,
818 let's quit yapping and start flapping." I'm not sure what that meant,
819 probably some sort of alien talk.
820
821 "Sorree. Got to go. You be here at 3am and we talk more. Okay?"
822
823 "You bet I'll be here!", I said, tipping back a little too far and crashing
824 into the floor behind me. Ouch, that hurt. Prissy was giggling, and then
825 walked away. Howy wasn't too impressed. Let's see, that leaves two crash
826 dives before I've got to make an exit. Or have I used them up? Damn.
827 Probably best to order another brew.
828
829 -----------------------------------
830
831 Let's summarize what's happened here. Howy wants to go to Rio and I've
832 unknowingly contributed to the Alien cause by owning a Subaru. Prissy is
833 probably related to the Aliens by race and has certainly been impregnated by
834 them. This is almost too much to bear. Got to get this story out to the
835 local BBS before the CIA finds out. The FBI, KGB, and the Aussies (that
836 comes later) will be standing in line to bug my phone after this story hits
837 the line...
838
839 By the way, Howy says, "Happiest of Holidays to all of you, and stay tuned for
840 the next episode.".
841
842 Next episode: We hypnotize Bob, Prissy's 4 year old son, to find the truth
843 about the abductions.
844
845 =========================================================================
846 696969696969696969
847 -696969696969
848 =========================================================================
849 2 of many
850 The Little UFO that Could
851 *************************
852 * TOP SECRET *
853 *************************
854 GAMMA SIGMA PHI
855 FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
856 by
857 Benjamim Jamen
858
859 "I've always dreaded the day when the Chinese
860 discover communism is bull shit."
861 -Former President Reagan to
862 Former Prime Minister Nakasone over a cup of Saki
863 at Frizby's East in Tokyo
864
865 Hello, we're back again. Hope you survived the holidays as well as we
866 did. The biggest complaint we heard about the last episode was that it
867 "jumped around a lot". The second biggest complaint was that it didn't
868 start with a memorable quote. Well, there's your quote.
869
870 The last thing I remember from the last episode was slopping down
871 a brew or two at Frizby's and then...
872
873 Drifting, drifting, going somewhere. Was this an astral experience?
874 Where the hell did Howy go? I looked behind me to see if he was
875 following. He wasn't. The only thing behind me was a massive
876 blue-white sphere, which began receding rapidly as I looked back. Oh
877 shit. What have I done now?
878
879 Obviously, I died in the bar and was disembarking from my home planet.
880 That must be it. It was an effect of missing my physical exam this
881 year. Too many cold ones at Frizby's, too little warm food at home,
882 typical Western excesses, the next thing you know you're an astronaut.
883 Goodbye, earth...
884
885 I looked up in time to see the Moon approaching. Let's see, there's
886 Tycho, Mare Nubium, and, holy shit! We're really picking up speed now.
887 "We"? Who's that? I looked back. Neither Howy nor Prissy was following
888 me. In fact, all that was there was the blue-white orb (rapidly
889 receding), the Moon (rapidly receding) and millions of stars (not
890 rapidly receding). I was really going somewhere this time.
891
892 You know, after you've died and started this long journey to the Maker,
893 you say a prayer, even if you're not inclined towards that sort of
894 thing. So, I started the prayer process. It's pretty hard when you
895 haven't even mumbled thanks for a crummy meal in over 20 years. Time to
896 put my best foot forward.
897
898 "Hi, God. I'm not sure what to say, it's been so long. " Even the sun
899 seemed to be receding now. Boy, was I in trouble. "How are things up
900 there? Guess I'll find out in just few. Nice view." It's hard to
901 make conversation with Someone you've ignored for 20 years. "Say, you
902 know what? All that ELINT work I did for Uncle Sam? Well, it was
903 just a job, you know. Yeah, I did have fun at other people's expense,
904 but look at the circumstances-the Sovs were doing the same thing to us.
905 And, hell...sorry, I meant 'heck'...I was doing it for cheap."
906
907 God didn't say anything.
908
909 It's pretty tough when you're trying to remember something you did for
910 which you should repent, knowing that any second now you'll meet whoever
911 happens to be at the Gates of Heaven. Damn. I wish Howy was here.
912 Howy's religion is better defined than mine. He doesn't go to Synagogue
913 much any more, but he was better raised to know the ins and outs of
914 getting to heaven, I guess. Me, coming from a Gentile/WASP background,
915 I had no idea where to even start.
916
917 "God is great
918 God is good
919 And we thank him for this food..."
920 No. That's not the right thing to say.
921 "Now I lay me down to sleep..."
922
923 No, I should just shutup and enjoy the view. Maybe I wasn't dead
924 after all. Maybe the Aliens had abducted me and were now transporting
925 me, Shirley MacLaine style, to their Leader.
926
927 It was the dead quiet which was most unnerving. The quiet almost had a
928 texture to it. Against that texture, was this deep black (by deep, I
929 mean light years deep). Against that black, were the stars and a few
930 shiny orbs speckled here and there. The thoughts finally quit rattling
931 through my mind. My mind took on the texture of the quiet. Maybe I
932 fell asleep for a while.
933 (...to be continued...)
934 696969696969696969
935
059=Usr:368 Nemesis Warlock 03/02/90 13:17 Msg:4991 Call:27656 Lines:3
936 HOW CLEVER!
937 I'VE GOT IT! LET'S JUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY WAIT FOR EVERYBODY ELSE TO
938 FILL THE LAST 64 LINES! THEN WE'LL GET TO A NEW DISK REALLY QUICKLY!!!!!!
060=Usr:272 Talos 03/03/90 19:03 Msg:4993 Call:27678 Lines:61
939 <*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
940 Okay, but I'll bet not many will see it!
941@
942@ Birdhouse in your Soul
943@
944@ ' orol redImntyur only friend
945@ u ' ite gloigfiend
946@ u eally I'm not actually your friend...
947@ .but I am
948@
949@ lecnr nteote y the lightswitch, who watches over you
950@ aealtl idos nyour soul
951@ o oput too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bei your bonnet
952@ aealtle birdhouse in your soul
953@ Ihve a secret to tell, rmm lcrcal well
954@ tsemsaeadImleaving out the whistles and bells
955@ othe room ms iten to me; filibuster vigilantly
956@ ynm sbu canary one-note spelled l-i-t-e
957@
958 Birdhouse in your Soul
959
960 'yu oly friend-I'm ot your only friend
961 But I'm a little glowing friend
962 But really I'm not actually your friend...
963 ...but I am
964
965 lue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
966 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
967 ot to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
968 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
969
970 I have a secret to tell, from my electrical well
971 It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
972 So the room must listen to me; filibuster vigilantly
973 My name is blue canary one-note spelled l-i-t-e
974
975 My story's infinite, like the Longines Symphonette-it doesn't rest
976
977 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
978 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
979 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
980 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
981
982 I'm your only friend-I'm not your only friend
983 But I'm a little glowing friend
984 But really I'm not actually your friend...
985 ...but I am
986
987 There's a picture opposite me, of my primitive ancestry
988 Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free
989 Though I respect that a lot, I'd be fired if that were my job
990 After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts
991
992 luebird of friendliness like guardian angels it's always near
993
994 Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?
995 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
996 Not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
997 Make a little birdhouse in your soul
998
999@ Adwhile you're at it leave the nite light on