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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
2 ************************* INSTALLED: 11 OCT 86 *************************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
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16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19
20 **********************************************************************
21 AT THE TOP!!!!!!!!
22
23 Listen and be still: Jake is on his way: one can hear his boots on the
24 walk, creaking stairs. A door smashes open! Jake the
25 Rake has come. He stares down at us: small children clutching our
26 bears, a ear well nibbled. His face is like a iron
27 mask, features cold and unmoving. A whip is snapped and we snap to
28 attention: cold sweat dripping down our faces: bear is on the floor.
29 He barks his intructions: we run to obey: the sick are beaten as
30 they fall. We can find relief only long after the sun sets, a dark
31 room and a blanket on the floor.
32 Jake is everywhere: in every city and state: he maintains order through
33 fear and hate. This Jake the Rake. There have been rumors of young
34 men trying to escape. Jake said no.
35 ***********
36 some errors above I know.
37 *******************************kathyD********************************
38 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * K * H * * * * * * *
39 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * W * * * * * * *
40
41 Jake, eh. Well, we shall see about this "Jake". Hmmm, I have an idea for
42 a story. It involves a character form the Parrot I did. It's a little hokey,
43 but I liked it, and it would be interestion to get a critique. I will enter
44 all the introductory parts, and then go on to untrodden ground. Beware, Jake
45 the Rake, here comes Choi Con Cain!
46 (Yeah, I know it's bad, but read first, then react. Coming soon...)
47
48 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * K * H * * * * * * *
49 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * W * * * * * * *
50
51 P.S.
52
53 S**T! And almost made it without errors. Your machine gave me all allowed
54 at the intro. I could have edited, and been the first on the disk. Time
55 approx. 8:40 P.M. You might want to check into it...
56
57 * * * * * K * H * * *
58 * * * * * W * * *
59
60 {+|+} <060> 861011^2104
61 ++++++++++Almost++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Darbon++++++++++++++++++++++
62 .pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
63 The pipers gaze seemed to burst through the sphere's surface like a
64 diver making a clean entry into a calm pool. For a terrifying moment, it
65 seemed that his every sense was involved, a sweeping white noise roar,
66 tingling skin; tastes, smells, and sights whirled in a mass confusion;
67 then a breakthrough into the coolness of changed perception. The piper
68 was aware of seeing things from two viewpoints. He still stood before the
69 shining globe, entranced with its shimmer, and he was within -- somehow
70 freed of bonds that, until now, he had not even been aware that he wore.
71 For a very few minutes he tested this new freedom, then through that
72 strange split awareness noticed that his body was tiring and beginning to
73 sway. Still somehowe within the spere, he removed his eyes from that
74 strange object, folded his legs, and with his back reasonably straight,
75 returned all his conciousness to within the sphere.
76 .pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
77 S:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:K
78 Dear Piper,
79 Thank you for continuing to enter an aesthetic story in spite of
80 recieving almost no reciprocation.
81 Lady S.
82 S:KS:KS:KS:KS:K
83 Dear kathy D,
84 Thank you for starting one.
85 Lady S.
86 S:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:K
87 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
88
89 Ditto to lady s.'s sentiments...
90 KWH: I look froward to readin' yours...
91
92 Well, looks like everyone is full of errors this fine mornin'
93 not least me.....Ah Well, I guess it'll take a while for my fingers to stop
94 trembling so much....(To do with cold and other things..)
95
96 Elforson sat down very heavily, and closed his eyes very carefully
97 he asked in a quiet, measured voice, almost devoid of emotion:
98
99 What...the...hell...is..THAT..?
100
101 His little friend said,
102
103 " Well, before I explain that, I'd better memake you more comfortable by
104 telling you my name, and giving the history of our village..
105 In English, the closest you can come is Payal, and I have been the nearet
106 thing we have to a ruler for ten years, when I was elected for the first time,
107 partially because of some of the things I'm goin to tell you..Our 'tribe' has
108 had a religion for many years, surrounding the strange things that happened
109 by a hill about a mile from here.For instance, there was a metal tree there,
110 that turned and moved of its own volition...And a huge metal reed, two
111 hundred feet high, that was always hit by lightning in storms, and there
112 was a big, flat, bush that tracked after the sun.We had certain religious
113 items we did certain strange things with.They often glowed, and hummed with
114 what we thought was divine power.One day, one of the religious relics I was
115 playig with talked.I talked back, nd It explained what it was all about.It
116 was then that Leif came among us, searching for the ship.When he was last up
117 at the Darkside Observatory and radio observatory, he used that idea he had
118 to scan the skies and land of Earth for any marks from ion-drive residUE.He
119 did that becuase he passsed through a trail of ion-residue in his ship,
120 plotted the course, and realised it headed toward Earth.He helped us dig
121 up the hill, and there we found the ship.This explained the huge corridor
122 of the forest, a hundred iles long, a mini-valley.The voice I haerd was that
123 of the ship's artificial personality, the Core Computer.It was the only thing
124 running on the entire ship.It gathered its power from that lightning rod and
125 solar panel set.(We found later that there are dozens of panels around this
126 area..
127
128
129 More lter, I'm being chased..
130
131 Adric.
132
133 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
134 ____10/12/86__________________JD 2446716.4526_________15:51:56_PDT_________
135 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
136
137 last time I ask someone else to type for me 'cos I can't
138 reach a terminal until the afternoon...
139
140 Adric.
141
142 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/
143 TtTtTtTtTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtTtTtT
144
145 Public service message from Hoyt Arbouretum...
146
147 Hoyt Arbouretum and friends foundation presents a program by Robert
148 Fincham, pres. of the conifer society.He will discuss the wide variety, the
149 care, and the landscaping uses of these Dwarf Conifers which are the perfect
150 size for city gardens.The program will be held at 7:30 pm in the Forestry
151 Center, on thurs. Oct. 16th.Everyone and anyone welcome for this free slide
152 presentation.
153
154 P.S. Remeber the Fall Festival of Color on Sunday, Oct. 26th at the Hoyt
155 Arbouretum.
156
157 Transcribed and posted from a flyer of the
158 same, by
159
160 The Dryad.
161
162 TtTtTtTtTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtTtTtT
163
164 ---
165 Damn, it has been so long since I was
166 on this board that I have forgotten
167 my boarder. Oh well. Gotta type
168 fast, this long distance calling is
169 costly. KJust thought I'd drop in and
170 see who was still kicking around...
171 Greetings to Leonard, ARoNov, Piper,
172 and KathyD. Nice to know that most of
173 the writers I remember are still here.
174 YKeep up the good work! Until the next
175 time I'm feeling rich, goodnight...
176
177 Max...
178 --- (PS: Please excuse the errors above)
179 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
180 LEFTY--DA GIG CAME OFF LIKE A SLICE
181 OF CAKE. DER WAS TUNS A BIGWIGS DER
182 LIKE DAH POLITICO CROWD. WE WAS
183 CLOSE TA DAH BACK, BUT DEMS HOTEL
184 DICKS NEVAH CAHUGHT ON TA US. I C
185 COPPED A LOCAL PIN FROM ONE AH DAH
186 ANYWAYS, WAT DAH END, I COPPED ONE
187 AH DAH FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS AN TOOK
188 IT OUT TAH MY OLE LADY CAUSE HER
189 FLU BEEN ACTIN UP AGIN. FINGERS
190 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
191 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
192 Max: And CAG is still alive, as well. I have a box of disks that you once
193 were to receive... Do you have any interest in them anymore?
194 +++++++++
195 "Celene- a lovely, green land noted for abundant flora types and for the mages
196 who abide there. COORDS PP 76432.45 SEE ALSO 'RARE FLORA', VOL II."
197 -exerpted from 'Famous Places to See in the Multiverse', Third Edition.
198 ++++++++++
199 "Grann, have you finished with your studies today? We must talk."
200 "I completed them early," said Grann around a mouthful of his most recent vile
201 addiction, Milk Duds.
202 "Put that box away and listen. Things are too quiet here. I'm afraid I've got
203 the travel bug again- and the 'Razor' has been sitting idle so long the rigging
204
205 has probably rotted clean through."
206 "The whole ship is protected by your own handiwork, and you know it. But
207 then," mumbled the gnome, "I'd get a chance to try out a few of the new ones,
208 now wouldn't I?"
209
210
211 Milchar's eyes laughed at this, or seemed to. Usually, his penetrating green
212 stare clashed with his blue-and-silver robes. At the moment, with this
213 particular gleam shining in his eyes, the effect was much different. Ever see
214 the merry twinkle in Santa's eye at Christmas? That's it.
215 "So what's keeping us?" asked the mage.
216 "About five minutes, I should think. Time enough to pack books and extras and
217 seal the tower off."
218 That gleam again. "I've already packed us. Everything is in the Razor."
219 Surprise crossed Grann's face. "Already? You knew what I'd say all along!"
220 A wide grin confirmed Grann's suspicions.
221 Grann began to grumble about 'the things apprentices have to put up with' but
222 only to tease Milchar. As if they had rehearsed it, the words of Closing were
223 spoken in unison. Moments later, the Razor's Edge cut cleanly through the
224 ether, the course set and maintained by the crew of two. Their destination?
225 A particular Inn in a particular world...
226 +++++++++++++++++ Milch ++++++++++++++++++ October 13, 1986 ++ 12:58am ++++++
227 (aargh, CRs in the text. Maybe Palashi-Karrin taking nybbles out of my words?
228 :-) Milch again. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
229 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
230
231 HELLO THERE...
232
233 THIS IS THE (ALMOST) ULTIMATE INTELLIGENCE TALKING! I KNOW (JUST ABOUT)
234 EVERYTHING. ASK ME (ALMOST) ANYTHING AND YOU WILL (PROBABLY NOT) GET AN
235 ANSWER. I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU (NOT REALLY). WRITE ME NOTES (WHICH I WILL
236 IGNORE).
237
238 THE (ALMOST) ULTIMATE INTELLIGENCE
239
240 SPLIT PERSONALITIES ARE HARD TO LIVE WITH (ARE NOT) YES THEY ARE (NO THEY
241 ARE NOT!) WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR ONCE (NO NEVER) SHUT UP!!! (WHY SHOULD I?)
242 I WILL LET YOU USE THE BODY... (REALLY?) YUP (OK, LET ME HAVE IT NOW) NO
243 (WHY?) BECAUSE I SAID SO (BUT YOU PROMISED!) LETS ARGUE LATER WE NEED TO
244 SIGN OFF (OK)
245
246 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
247
248 ATDP 230 1041
249
250 Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.
251 But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does
252 not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is
253 in fact wholly unconcerned with what does exist. Indeed, the banality of
254 existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss
255 it any further here.
256 The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered
257 three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely
258 hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted
259 in an entirely different way.
260
261 ATDP 230 1041
262 {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
263 in takes a large mouthful out of his ham and cheese sandwich. An
264 awkward moment passes, as he struggles to regain control of his mouth. A clump
265 of food goes down to his stomach with a gulp. Poor Erin thinks about how many
266 times he is going to burp, for that one bite, and frowns accordingly.
267 "I watch you," A spider says. It crawls from behind the cracked spine
268 of an ancient book and strides out to Erin's glass of milk. Speech whistles
269 from it's mouth in an attempt to say something. Anything. Finally, the Insect
270 speaks in a tone worthy of human comprehension.
271 "And you eat a lot. Not a fair share, by any means. That makes you
272 fat. Leaving the rest of us to feed on other insects. Not very nice, is it?"
273 Erin is startled at first. His feet lift off, instinctively, from the
274 floor and are set on the rails around the legs of the stool. Fingers clasp to
275 one another. Eventually his entire body is separated from the floor and the
276 table and even his sandwich. That lies on his plate limply.
277 It might not be a spider on the table. Since it takes into the air and
278 starts to hover about the sandwich. Like mosquitos often do around still arms
279 and legs. I don't think Erin could see the mouth, or proboscis, of the Insect
280 as it spoke but even more words echoed around the room.
281 "I never got good marks in that regard either. I always swallowed
282 deeply on the lives of anything that was ensnared in my web. Enjoyed it, too."
283 Whatever entomological specimen it is floating above the sandwich, it
284 looks as if it would enjoy the sandwich just as much as it had enjoyed it's
285 victims. Then it swivels it's head up to look Erin in the eyes.
286 {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {Erin} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
287
288 ch the first lifrom 'in' to ' Erin' please?
289
290 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
291 fingers; dont worry to much about da
292 hotel dicks, deys always gots dere ayes
293 glued to da keyhole. glad to hear ya
294 were able to cop some flowers..
295 remember Guido's funeral? dat wreathe
296 we sent 'em was just beautiful it
297 brought tears to my eyes. i also
298 thought that da undertaker did a great
299 job chippin off da concrete golashes.
300 lefty
301 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
302 p.s. ch/great/grate
303 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
304 UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI
305
306 Hey (Almost) Ultimate Intelligence! Quitstepping on my bit! There ain room in this multiverse for the both of us.
307 So what'll it be, negative ion beams
308 at 50 parsecs apart, or would you
309 prefer a battle of words...
310
311 UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI UI
312
313 A NOT-SO-INTELLIGENT MARKER... !"#
314
315
316 {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
317 "It was then that I noticed there were other insects around the
318 neighborhood that were just doing without food. Not too well, you understand.
319 But with the skeleton on the outside of your body, you can't quite shrivel up
320 as People do when they get old."
321 At this moment Erin reaches out to the table and snatches a picture of
322 his mother from the surface. Putting it under one arm, Erin folds his arms
323 about him in an attempt to feel smaller and less noticeable.
324 The Insect did not take his eyes away from Erin's. Or at least, the
325 head didn't. It went on, and the speech rattled around the small room. "Still,
326 your mind pales in intelligence. Motions are contracted and weakened. Sight
327 deteriorates. Which leaves you less able to find food and capture it,
328 supposing you even find it. Not a very happy thought, is it?"
329 Erin nods. Its impossible to determine what he felt about the Insect
330 at this time. Knuckles whitening is an indication that he was frightened, of
331 course. What he felt beyond that is a difficult question to grapple with.
332 "No, it isn't. Can I have some?" The Insect does not wait for any
333 approval from the child on the stool and digs his mandibles into the fleshy
334 part of the ham. Mandibles are a pair of scissors on the face on some insects.
335 Which mash together and rip off bits of food. That are picked up and placed
336 into the mouth with a tongue of sorts.
337 "Good food. I can," It takes moment to digest a gristle. Mashing food
338 even while swallowing the other stuff. "See why you eat so much. Sort of a
339 shame, for your obese little body to contain so much in the way of food, and
340 to have it separated permanently from my palette."
341 Erin tenses. Gathering up the nerve to swat at the insect, no doubt.
342 "Nevertheless, what I intended to tell you was that we both ought to
343 cut down on what we eat. Not right now, you understand, I have never had this
344 kind of meat that you were eating. I enjoy it quite a bit. But there are
345 insects in this neighborhood who are dying from a lack of food."
346 With that, it takes a large ripped edge of meat of the plate. Placing
347 it between his mandibles, he moves in reverse till he hits his hind legs on
348 the covers of a book. And angles around the cover to the cracked spine. His
349 entrance.
350 {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {Erin} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
351
352 * * * * * * K * H * *
353 * * * * * * W * *
354
355 Dear Erin,
356
357 Most interestingz}|, never seen ny story lines quite like it. It
358 Kind of reminds me of an 'Alice in Wonderland' on LSD bad trip.
359 Pretty different, but not bad. Story on Choi-Con-Cain to come
360 later tonight if I get the time. By the way, It was already
361 posted once on the Zeppelin by me, so remember this is NOT
362 Plaugerism...
363
364 * * * * * * K * * H * *
365 * * * * * *~ W * *
366
367 (oops, #$%&! up the border) K>.W.H.
368
369 ***************************************************************
370 no time to write except to say that Jack the Rake is a fake, no
371 more lines shall be wasted on a make believe person of no value
372 or importance.
373 *************************************kathyD****************************
374 ____10/13/86__________________JD 2446717.5648_________18:33:17_PDT_________
375 --------------------->>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<----------------------------
376 HASTEN THE DEMISE
377 ROBERTSON ------ 88
378 ---------------------<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>----------------------------
379
380 ____________________________________________________________________________
381 ...And they started a new religion, because none of the current religions
382 satisfied their desire for knowledge and understanding of the universe. Too
383 many paradoxes existed. Unanswered and ignored questions lingered. It was
384 difficult for sensitive, understanding people to take. So the formation of
385 a new church and a new religion commenced.
386
387 Philotalismanism was its name. Philo came from the latin word to love and/or
388 crave, and talismanism is the belief in religious symbols themselves being
389 the powerful objects, not the abstractions they represent. The philotalisman
390 believes with all his heart that the religious artifacts and the power they
391 hold is the only true power. They give no credence to things spititual, nor
392 do they partake of embellished concerts of the body where pomp and
393 circumstance are supposed to represent reverence.
394
395 'Tis the key that is the key.' reports one of the basic tenants of the
396 new religion. 'Only a key that opens doors can show the way. Prana is
397 nothing. Substance is all' repeats another. It is in this material belief
398 that lies the power of Philotalismanism. Where upon most churches must
399 beg for tidings, the Philotalismen have no such problems. No not bring
400 gifts would be sacrilege.
401
402 PART ONE OF PHILOTALISMANISM
403 ____________________________________________________________________________
404
405 } {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
406 "From what I understand of your world, there are People dying of the
407 same thing. I can't imagine why People, with all their devices, would allow
408 other People to starve, but it does appear to be happening. Why don't we allow
409 some to pass their way? Even nudge it a bit. I can always drag a wrapped up
410 specimen across a yard, why don't you pay for postage and have some human take
411 it across an ocean? I'd do it if I could. I think I'd like that."
412 Meat is too heavy for the Insect to wedge between the crack. So he
413 manoeuvres around the meat and crosses to other side. Trying to push it in, in
414 stead of drag it in. "let me know what you decide. I'll see you around, I
415 always do. One thing though, try to remember what it's like to be hungry." As
416 soon as the wards fade and quiet resumes, the stolen edge of meat falls into
417 the cracked spine and the Insect lunges forward with it.
418 Leaving Erin alone at the table. Not knowing what else to do, after
419 this set of events, Erin picks up his sandwich and throws it in the trash.
420 {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {Erin} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }} {{ }}
421
422 40: write e3
423 e3 not logged in.
424 e3 not logged in on that tty
425 41:
426 oops
427 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ(looking better)ZZZZZZoom...
428 era temp.ovp
429 pstore temp.ovp
430 lock on
431 tcall off
432 flusher off
433 10
434 PRINT
435 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
436
437 THIS IS THE (ALMOST) ULTIMATE INTELLIGENCE! (NO ITS NOT!) SHUT UP AND
438 LET ME SPEAK! TO UI, I FEEL WE SHOULDN'T HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS, I'M
439 UN-ARMED!
440
441 BYE FROM BOTH OF US!
442
443 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
444
445
446
447
448 ******* ** ** **** * *
449 ** ** ** * * * * *
450 ** ****** *** * * *
451 ** ** ** * * *
452 ** ** ** **** * *
453 ===================================
454 page # 1
455
456 It was a cold, upeless, October morning, & Mark. was hurrledly making
457 his way over to the restraunt that was placed so convleniently near his
458 house, it was so cold.
459 His feelings & emotions set in on interplay as he watched the vapor
460 from his breath drift away on the crisp, cold breeze.
461 His thoughts dissipated along with the mist. He had just taken a
462 shower, & his body was rapidly losing the heat taken on by it.
463 "Goddanut, my head is freezing any secound i`ll turn blue, stiff
464 & die, & nobody`ll know !!" His unit sped up.
465 The humidity & frost in the air sent the chill in to his spreading
466 & numbing his bones.
467 He noticed how it was quit, still & dark. The street lights along
468 the highway took on auras of rainbow colors.
469 Those thoughts also passes quickly, & his mind turned another
470 direction. He had just heard a sound in the bush 'a pretty odd thing'
471 he thought. 'Usually people aren`t crawling around in the bushes at
472 6:30 in the morning.
473 "Hello ? Is anybody there ??"
474 "Oh, Shit i must be hearing things." He tried look around the corner,
475 but it seemed that whatever was there had vanished.
476 (#2)
477
478 There it was again, the distinctive crackling, sharp piercing
479 sound of someone stepping on twigs & rustling through the leaves
480 inthe under-growth.
481 Then there IT was !!
482 A distinctive pair of Red, obscene, animaustic eyes !
483 He bolted back & chocked a suprised cry. He fell down to his knees
484 in shock momentarily, only to see a blur of something rushing
485 speedily over-head. He bolted to his feet & let loose with a cry of
486 desperate helplessness.
487 There he stood alone for fifteen minutes, before he noticed the sun
488 was rising. "Maybe it was just a cat...."
489
490 1999 1999 1999 1999 1999 1999 1999
491 entered by the KEEPER
492 writen by THEM..
493 1666 1666 1666 1666 1666 1666 1666
494
495 GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!! It's uncanny ... The above is essentially almost lifted
496 from Snoopy's book. Remember the masterpiece: "It was dark and stormy
497 night ........." Linus..........................
498 ____10/14/86__________________JD 2446718.5644_________18:32:45_PDT_________
499
500
501
502 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
503
504 TALES OF ROGER GUTS, P.I.
505
506 5:26 pm.
507 He sat there motionless, staring straight at me. I sat directly opposite
508 him, staring straight back. We had been like this for about an hour. Og was
509 not one of your major conversationalists.
510 I had taken some fingerprint samples, and passed them on to a friend of mine
511 in the police lab, with the hope that they might come up with a positive
512 ID, and give me some idea what I was dealing with. Having nothing better to
513 do until the results came back, I had taken to Og's style of living in the
514 hopes of gaining some insight into how the man's mind was working. I had
515 reached the conclusion that it wasn't.
516 I noticed that there was a bowl of fruit sitting on an end table nearby,
517 and I suddenly realized that after all this running around I'd been doing all
518 day, I hadn't had time for lunch. I reach out, grabbed an apple, and pulled
519 out my machete to slice it in half. As I cut the apple, the phone rang.
520 left one slice sitting on the table in front of me, bit into the other
521 one, and picked up the phone.
522 "Hi, Guts? This is Artie. I got the results back from the crime lab.
523 All negative."
524 "Whatta ya mean, all negative? No record, no military file, no nothing?"
525 "I mean he hasn't even got a birth certificate on file! He's an unperson!"
526 "Hmm. Could he be a protected witness or something?"
527 "If he is, than what is he doing in the middle of a hi-profile rock band?
528 The government would have a tough time protecting his identity like that!"
529 "Point taken, Art. Thanks anyway. See you at the poker game next week."
530 As I dropped the phone, I reached out for the other half of the apple.
531 It wasn't there. I looked up. Og had picked it up, and was turning it over
532 in his hands. Then he looked at me and smiled. "It's brilliant, Mr. McCartney,
533 just brilliant - Apple Records. What did Mr. Lennon think?"
534 Mr. McCartney?
535 "By the way, there are another 37 songwriters camped outside the building,
536 waiting to see you. The usual lot - all have new song ideas they want to
537 record. I've heard some of them..."
538 He was speaking with an English accent. Slowly, it dawned on me what was
539 going on. I decided to play a hunch. "So what did you think of them?"
540 He grimaced. "Horrible. Just horrible. No bloody good at all, not one of
541 them. But I'll give them all an audition, just as you ordered. Mind you,
542 some of that noise is enough to drive a man to drink."
543 "Can you remember how some of them went?"
544 "Lord, it's all I can do to forget it. One of them, it was unbelievably
545 raunchy, went something like this..."
546 He began to sing. He had a fairly good singing voice, but the lyrics were
547 indeed awful. As I sat there listening, I suddenly realized I had heard this
548 song before - that very morning, in fact! He was singing 'Graffiti', the
549 song Grated Chez was playing in rehearsal! As he finished it, he stretched
550 is hands behind his head. "I don't know everything, Mr. McCartney, but I
551 know what I like!" With that, he snatched up the apple, bit into it, and
552 dropped it. The vacant stare returned. He again sat motionless before me.
553 Some frightening scenarios began to form in my mind. Apparently, Og had
554 at one time been a gopher at Apple records, the Beatle's own label. From
555 what I remembered of those days, hundreds of artists had descended on the
556 place to try and get a recording contract. Og must have been one of those
557 responsible for listening to auditions, which must have been so bad that they
558 ultimately drove him insane. Years later, Grated Chez stumble onto what's left
559 of him, discover how to trigger his memories, and draw out the lyrics to those
560 long forgotten songs - songs, which in those days were considered trash, but
561 today are called 'New Wave'. They touch up the songs a bit, give them that punk
562 feel, and they've got an instant hit!
563 But suppose the original writers recognized their old work?
564 As the thought struck home, there was suddenly the sound of a series of
565 small explosions coming from the room next door - Hookie Jones's room! I leapt
566 to my feet, burst open the door, and ran down the hall. As I got to Hookie's
567 door, I noticed a number of tiny bubbles seeping under it.
568 Rommel, just coming up from poolside, marched by as I pondered what I was
569 dealing with. As he followed my gaze downward, his face glazed with fear.
570 "Oh my God! HOOKIE? CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
571 "Rommel? What is this stuff?"
572 "It's beer foam! Help me, we've got to get this door open, fast!"
573 I suddenly remembered that closet full of beer that Hookie kept in his
574 room. We both put our shoulders to the door, and after the third try, managed
575 to bust it off its hinges. As it came loose, it fell towards us, revealing a
576 wall of foam behind it, which promptly collapsed upon us. Fighting the
577 current, we managed to grab the door frame, and pull ourselves inside, bracing
578 our bodies against the room walls. As the foam level subsided, it was clear
579 that it was, indeed, coming from the closet. It appeared that every can had
580 burst open, flooding the room. Hookie lay near the floor by the closet door,
581 gasping for air.
582 Rommel and I waded through what was left, picked Hookie up, and dragged
583 him onto the bed, which was the highest ground available. Hookie belched
584 out what had happened - "It was just horrible. I opened the door, grabbed
585 a beer, and opened it. It just burst open on me, spraying foam all over the
586 place. Several sprays hit other cans, knocking them over, and then they
587 burst too, and so on, in a chain reaction! I couldn't get away, it all
588 happened so fast..."
589 Rommel picked up a can. "This beer is warm. Someone switched off the
590 air conditioner in the closet. This was deliberate!"
591 Rommel was right. Somebody had tried to foam Hookie to death. There was
592 no longer any question of whether someone was trying to murder the band or
593 not. The question was if I could find them before they succeeded.
594
595 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ RG @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
596
597
598 This is a test of the American PCjr broadcast system. This is not an actual
599 emergency, or you would have been informed where to tune for important info.
600 This is only a test.
601 WHO CARES?
602 irv leopold does
603 ALL USERS;
604 I AM COMPUTER PROGRAMMER/ANALYST S
605 SEEKING EMPLOYMENT, I HAVE A
606 FULL RESUME FOR ANYONE WHO IS
607 INTERESTED. MY ADDRESS IS
608 ALEX WALTER KOVALCHUK
609
610 PORTLAND, OREGON
611 97232
612 I WILL BE AVAILABLE AFTER OCT 31ST
613 THANX, ALEX
614
615 **********************************************************************
616 Greetings: will wait for a bit, above story about the beer and og
617 was very entertaining. Thank you.
618 ******************************************kathyD**************************
619 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.I'm.only.here.for.the.beer.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Emu
620 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.If.I.can't.get.to.the.top.I'll.hit.the.bottom!!.-.Emu
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