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LIST FILE ON MARGIN IS 80 STATUS: ALL ALLOWED NUMBER OF LINES: 582 1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask.... 2 ********************* REMOVED: 19 MAR 84 ******************* 3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator 4 ************************************************************ 5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION 6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM. 7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned 8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public. 9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is 10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which 11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be 12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved) 13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the 14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the 15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace 16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up. 17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system. 18 ************************************************************ 19 20 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 21 WOW! MY FIRST NEW DISK! 22 OUTSIDER: CAN I PLEASE HEAR FROM YOU ON MY OFFER? I NEED TO KNOW QUICKLY! 23 NINJA: I THINK I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS WIZARD. HERE IS THE PLAN... 24 SIMPLY KNOCK HIM OUT, OR IN SOME WAY RESTRICT HIS MOVEMENTS. I HAVE NOT YET 25 MET A WIZARD THAT CAN FUNCTION WITHOUT A LOT OF WIERD GESTURES AND SOUNDS. 26 REMOVING HIS ABILITY TO DO THESE SHOULD STOP HIM. I WILL DISTRACT HIM WHILE YOU 27 COME UP FROM BEHIND! I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. 28 BARD: THE NEWSLETTER "XIGNALS" IS HOLDING A LIMERIC CONTEST. I HEAR 29 THAT MONEY IS INVOLVED. YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THIS(OR ANY OTHER PEOPLE) 30 JONATHAN CHANCE 31 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 32 33 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 34 FAST FRED:COME OVER HERE SO I CAN TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE. HERE'S THE SITUATION: 35 YOU SEEM TO BE VERY UN-COMMUNITIVE. SINCE I CAN'T GET INFORMATION FROM YOU 36 I MUST GET IT ANOTHER WAY. EVER HEARD OF THE TERM SPY?!?!? 37 IF LEROY IS WHAT HE SAYS, NO HARM DONE. IF NOT, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GAIN HARD 38 EVIDENCE FOR THE ARREST. IF YOU BREATHE A WORD OF THIS TO ANYONE, YOU 39 WILL FIND OUT THAT A FLINTLOCK CAN KILL IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT WAYS, NOT ALL OF 40 THEM PLEASANT. NOW, WILL YOU HELP ME OR NOT????? 41 MONSIEUR D'AUTUN: THANKS FOR THE ACCEPTANCE. I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO 42 MEET MR. MCKANE AND CONGRATULATE HIM IN PERSON. I WILL PAY ANY TRAVEL C 43 MYSELF, AND LOOK FOWARD TO A FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIP. 44 COMMANDER LACELLS 45 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 46 HessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHessHess 47 Dear frenchy: 48 I am not a Wassir symp., I do not follow anyones orders. 49 And in fact if Wassir really does have PAM, I most definately 50 do not have any favorable thoughts for this person. I am 51 currently holding McKane in disfavor for that little incident 52 in Iran when he sold my nephew to the army as cannon fodder. 53 By the way it is Rudolf, not Rudolph (I haven't spelled it that 54 way since '46). 55 Say, Dr. Frankenstupe, maybe we can see about getting a group 56 together to combat this McKane persons lies and inuendos? 57 Besides, I want to get him for what he did to my nephew. 58 HessHessHessHessHessHessHess Rudolf HessHessHessHessHessHessHess 59 ^^-^^^-^^^^^-^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^-^^-^^^-^^^^^ 60 What has happened to the Inn? Where is it? All I see here is a pit of 61 62 international espionage, etc. WHERE IS PAM??????????????????????????? 63 ^^-^^^-^^^^^-^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^-^^-^^^-^^^^^ 64 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 65 The piper stood silent for a while to let the effect of experiencing to 66 realities at the same time reach some sort of equilibrium inside his spinning 67 head. Finally he could pay some attention to something other than the sensat- 68 ions pounding through his brain. With the double memories slowly accepting 69 one another, he saw that he was back in the midst of several familiar-seemig 70 companions on a brightly-colored road. 71 "Uugmph" he remarked brightly. "Thanks, apprentice. If my personal reality 72 had been split much longer, my sense of identity would have been totally 73 destroyed. Have you noticed that the color scheme of the landscape has been 74 changing?" He waved his hand in the direction of the green fields surrounding 75 the party. The blue country lay mostly to his back. 76 "I wish I could remember more Ozography. I do remember that the country is 77 divided into four lands, each having a dominant color. The lands all meet 78 in the center of the country where the capital is located. This small enclave 79 is color coded green. This brilliant feat of deduction has led me to the 80 conclusion that we are coming close to our goal." 81 As they were talking, the party had become quite adept at moving in the same 82 direction. They quickly moved through the land in the direction of a -- first 83 distant, then not so distant -- gleaming green wall. The party proved itself 84 not quite so adept at stopping as moving however. When the leading edge of 85 the party walked up to a closed gate in the wall that blocked the road, those 86 persons stopped. The remainder of the party attempted to continue, jostling 87 those ahead and shortening a few tempers. 88 After the confusion subsided somewhat, the piper glanced to the left f 89 the road. A small door was just closing in the wall, after a strange figure 90 that had just left. The piper quickly gained his companions' attention by 91 the brilliant observation, " L .. l.. look!" 92 The figure approaching them was about 5 feet tall and apparently made of 93 solid copper. It's body was sperical and seemed to be made of two halves 94 joined at the equator which served as the creature's waist. Two spindly legs 95 issued from the lower hemisphere and two arms from the upper. A thin neck 96 carried a spere upon which the outlines of a face had been molded, complete 97 with a handlebar mustache. This (creature?) (contrivance?) topped it's 98 sartorial splendor with a black derby hat perched precariously on its polished 99 cranium. With faintly jerky motions, it moved closer to the party. The piper 100 coul hear a very faint whirr coming from within it. The creature opened its 101 mouth (migod! it does have a mouth!) and spoke. 102 "well-come to oz gen-tel-men and lad-ies. i am tik-tok the off-ic-ial 103 greet-er of oz. i am a mech-an-i-chal con-tri-vance and work by clock-work 104 and am much less vul-ner-able that meat people to hos-tile ac-tion. I have 105 been sent by my ruler Ozma, to as-cer-tain your in-ten-tions in this vis-it to 106 our fair land." This strange person then removed the hat from his polished 107 cpopper head and bowed low to the party. 108 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 109 GIVE ME A BREAK. 110 111 112 113 I AM BACK I think, I was dead but I am now alive 114 I can not remember who I was. I (or more 115 accurately we) seen to be hear with a ready made 116 personality [last time I take acid and try to fly 117 did I) in Las Vegas] 118 But the real question is why am am I setting on a 119 YELLOW?!? cobble road in a land rover. 120 121 Cap'n Crazy 122 and his zillon zany zealot 123 :*******************************************************: 124 125 ######################################################## 126 # MCKANE...A MAN TO TRUST, AN ORGANIZATION TO DEPEND ON # 127 ######################################################### 128 129 :********************************************************: 130 131 McKane: A man to distrust, an organization to fear! 132 133 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 134 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 135 Well, whadya know!!!! Just as I was beginning to think the zaniness would 136 never end and there would be no coherence to the incoherence, we find our- 137 selves at Oz and greeted by a cuprous Humptey-Dumpty! Harrummph! So 138 much for us slab-sided types. Nonetheless, I am definitely beginning to 139 think that Leroy McKane sucks air and that that Monsieur d'Autun is his 140 stooge. I think I would rather take my chances with Humptey-Dumptey here 141 than try to put up with the likes of McKane and his lackeys. If we hang 142 around here long enough, we might get ballooned back to the Inn (so long 143 as it's not in Kansas), in which case we might be able to handle McKane 144 a little more on his own ground. 145 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ GEEZER ++++++++++++++++++++++++ 146 Dear Rudolf; 147 I'm sorry, I don't get involved in matters such as that. However, I'm 148 sure that Wassir, Salazar, or most people in the main party traveling through 149 Oz would be most pleased for your assistance. If you meet Wassir, tell him 150 you're a friend of mine. 151 Dr. Frankenstupe 152 P.S. I thing I'm becoming a Backwater junkie... Hmmmmm.... 153 +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_ 154 155 Consider the art of computer as weapon: 156 It may be broken down into two broad categories, Hackdo and Hackjutsu. 157 The difference between these two ideas may be illustrated thus: 158 the disciple of hackjutsu is the one who develops facility with 159 computers and uses it to break into someone else's system and causes 160 damage there; 161 the disciple of hackdo develops equal facility but does not engage 162 in invasive/damaging computing. His satisfaction comes not from extreme 163 action, but from knowing that he is capable of such action in self-defense. 164 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ the microsensei ///////////////////// 165 /V.Z/Z/Z/Z/Z/Z/z/X/Z/Z/Z/Z/Z?Z/Z/X/ 166 HELLO THEBE , I'@M /Z/ XENON ?Z//Z/Z/Z//Z/Z'x.Z/Z/Z/Z/ 167 168 AND I KEEp GETTING BAD AHCRACTARC BACK DRO] THAS SYRTEM 169 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 170 does the above person have a computer problem, or is he in another reality? 171 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 172 I turned back to the commander. "Do you have any other hobbies 173 besides making threats? That's about all you've done since 174 your arrival. I really don't know where McKane is. If you want to 175 get in touch with him, go through that frenchman contact of his. Rumor 176 has it you've already talked to him, so why keep badgering me." 177 "Besides," I added, "in case you don't remember, these people 178 are after me too, although they don't seem to pay much attention to 179 me except to make sure of my location. A bunch of paranoid wackos if 180 you ask me." 181 Fast Fred 182 BSAL 183 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 184 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 185 I STILL DON'T KNOW WHICH SIDE TO JOIN UP ON....... I HAVE A PLAN TO 186 GET THIS "PAM" BACK, WHOEVER SHE (HE?) MIGHT BE... 187 SOUNDS LIKE THE COMMANDER WANTS TO MEET LEROY IN ORDER TO DO BODILY 188 DAMAGE TO HIM. HE SOUNDS TOO ACCOMMODATING ABOUT THE TRAVEL COSTS. 189 THE MONSIEUR MIGHT DO WELL TO KEEP HIM AT ARM'S LENGTH. 190 MR. T. 191 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 192 NET 1 to all NETWORK members: 193 It seems that McKane has chosen to disregard the PUBLIC warning given 194 by our rivals (the SOCIETY OF ASSASSINS). He is also attempting to tie some 195 of our operatives to the Albanians. 196 Prepare for active anit-McKane measures. 197 || | ||| || || ||||| | | | || | 198 0101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101 199 The bard turned on the commander, "ALL RIGHT! That's just about enough 200 of that...." 201 Reaching into his pack he removed a strange assemblage of wires. 202 "I trust that you recognize AKKA?" 203 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 204 Does anyone ELSE remember AKKA? 205 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 206 Sail for Amber (words & music: Jordin Kare) 207 We sail for Amber, on the seas beyond the world. 208 Set sail for Amber, on a ship thru Shadow hurled! 209 Kolvir behind us, Cabra passing a-lee, 210 Shadow before us, to the ends of the endless sea. 211 212 We are the men who sail for Amber, 213 Let our wives and lovers tell, 214 For when the call goes out that we leave at the dawning 215 They are bid but brief farewell. 216 217 Then we lift our anchor, and slip from the harbor 218 On our journey now begun, 219 And the Unicorn flag flies from our masthead, 220 Proud in the morning sun! 221 CHORUS:We sail for Amber, on the seas beyond the world. 222 Set sail for Amber, on a ship thru Shadow hurled! 223 All hands climb high as we spread our wings, 224 White sail o'er violet seas, 225 And our helmsman steers by the blood of princes 226 As we drift on a Shadow's breeze. 227 228 But it's watch on watch when the storm clouds gather 229 And the thunder fills the fills the sky. 230 Before the gales that roar from reality's rim 231 Down the world-shifting winds we fly! 232 CHORUS 233 'Til at last we spy, on shifting horizon, 234 Some strange and foreign land, 235 And the wreck of war, or a virgin forest, 236 Or the towers of a city grand. 237 238 Then it's gold for grain, red wine for rubies; 239 Barter, buy, and sell, 240 'Til our holds stand full and full and the salt sea calls us 241 With a cry that we know full well. 242 243 244 So from port to port we wander Shadow, 245 Steered by our captain's will, 246 And a hundred legends behind us gather 247 Of a ghost ship wandering still. 248 CHORUS 249 Though tomorrow's voyages call to our souls, 250 And will not be long denied, 251 Yet tonight our sails seek home and haven --- 252 And our hulls a familar tide. 253 254 So we steer for the center of the Universe, laden 255 With the wealth of a thousand lands, 256 To the hurricane's core, where, calm in Chaos, 257 Amber forever stands! 258 CHORUS 259 And at last, when Kolvir clears the horizon, 260 Comes our lookout's joyful cry, 261 And the gulls of the harbor rise in greeting -- 262 Gray wings in an evening sky. 263 264 And we pledge our lives, as we moor 'neath the mountain, 265 Here at the heart of all, 266 While we've water and wind, sail searoom, 267 Amber shall never fall! 268 We sail for Amber, on the seas beyond the world. 269 Set sail for Amber, on a ship through shadow hurled! 270 Kolvir before us, Cabra to windward be, 271 Shadow behind us -- always behind us -- waiting behind us 272 To the ends of the endless sea! 273 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 274 (Sniff!) Sorry.... but it does bring back memories, doesn't it Piper? 275 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 276 HAM RADIO OPERATORS PLEASE NOTE========== I'M LOOKING FOR A 4 OR 5 BAND 277 TRAPPED VERTICAL IN GOOD CONDITION NATURALLY AT A REASONABLE PRICE. IF 278 YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE FOR SALE PLEASE CALL ME AT 399-xxxx SALEM 279 280 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++THANKS TERRY+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 281 *************************************************************************** 282 Attention Earthlings: 283 284 While monitoring earth communcations techniques we chanced upon this media 285 I am somewhat confused. Computers on our planet Mxyzptlkizar are logical 286 and predictable. This technique for public communications using the 287 computer is totally out of our realm of reality. We are not sure if this 288 can be allowed. We will be reporting our findings to our Imperial Megyesi 289 at our earliest convenience. This may take a few lunar rotations however 290 and if the reality levels of this media assume normal paramaters the report 291 may not be necessary. I would not want to incure the wrath of the Imperial 292 Megyesi. As you earthlings would say "A word to the in intelligent should 293 be enough. 294 295 Snrub Regor 296 297 Grand Gnob 298 299 of 300 301 It's Imperial Megyesi's Psuedo-Secret Province 302 303 **************************************************************************** 304 305 "Well, Johnathon, it shouldn't be much..." 306 My words are cut short as we come to a green wall. 307 "Good job," sneered Johnathon Chance, "Where have you taken us to? Get 308 us out of this one." 309 "I told you I knew the way," I say as a move a shrub aside."Walla. Open 310 entrance heading straight where we want to go--wizard's lair." 311 After about 10 feet of tunnel, we come to an opening right in the Wizard's 312 lab. My eyes wondor over to the side near us. Floating mid-air is the jewel! 313 "This will be cake. I'll just wondor over and grab it." 314 Before Johnathon can object, I'm already moving silently across the lab. 315 Smiling with my ingeniousness, I grab the jewel and tuck it into my robe. 316 Krrrrraaaaazzzzzzaaaaaapppppp! 317 The Wizard didn't think so much. It appears as if he petrified me. Last 318 I checked, The only way out of this one is dousing in frsh squeezed O.J. 319 coming from an orange from Uganda. As I drift off into sleep, I try and 320 send a telepathic message. 321 #Johnathon Chance, I have the jewel. The Wizard is here. Try and steel 322 me away before those other bozos get here. Hide me and then get some 323 orange juice from Uganda.# 324 The Ninja 325 P.S. I'll be gone until Monday. 326 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 327 P.P.S. Sorry if I offended anyone, but this story needed a little something 328 What in the name of GOD has gone on here?? It looks 329 like MAIDS (Modem Affliction and Intellegence Deficiency 330 Syndrome) has shown its' ugly head here... 331 332 What is needed is a little pizzaz... 333 ----------------------------------------------- 334 Do you need a job... 335 Then send me a loan of $10000 (interest free) 336 and you can go to work for the federal government 337 in any position you want. Be a paper shuffler or 338 a big decision maker (like the President). 339 340 Send now to 341 ED MEESE EMPLOYMENT AGENCY 342 343 WASHINGTON, DC 10231 344 345 Act now...position are filling up fast... 346 ----------------------------------------------- 347 Are you losing those early primaries and caucuses? 348 Has your campaign lost its' zip? Are you tired of 349 saying "Where's the beef?" Then you need to join... 350 351 P-N-F (People Named Fritz)... 352 353 We are a group of hard working, loyal fools that 354 want nothing more that to take over the USA through 355 election. There are more than 10,000,000 Fritz's 356 in this country and we need to show our political 357 power...JOIN TODAY... 358 359 PNF 360 C/O Walter Mondale 361 362 WISCONDA, MINNESOTA 53232 363 364 Send today.... 365 ------------------------------------------------ 366 The above messages were brought to you by 367 BIG BROTHER 368 369 I have returned to the INN to take 370 control....I AM WATCHING... 371 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= BIG INC... =-=-= 372 Dear Bard: 373 You said that the words and music to your latest song were written 374 by 'Jordin Kare.' Well, I knew a Jordin Kare a long time ago in a galaxy 375 far, far away. Could it be the same one? The one I knew went (as I did) to 376 a college in Massachusetts affectionately called the 'Tute.' 377 ----------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ---------- 378 **************************************************************************** 379 Snrub Regor is watching you............................................... 380 **************************************************************************** 381 Scoff not lower life forms 382 **************************************************************************** 383 #Ignore him, Jonathon. It's a trap. No wizard worth the name would 384 leave such a thing so open and unguarded. The Ninja should be told that 385 he's holding a phony. Don't tell him where you found out.# 386 10110011000110100010110101 ? 10110100010110011000110100010110101000101101000 387 EXIT 388 PRINT 389 390 THE LIGHT DAWNS... 391 I UNDERSTAND SOMETHING ELSE NOW THAT EXPLAINS WHY 392 I AM SITTING IN A RED LLAND ROVER(RED ROVER,RED ROVER...) 393 ON A RAD MADE OF COBBLESONES RADIATING IN THE 6K ANGSTROM FIELD 394 NOT KNOWING WHO WE ARE BUT THIS ENLIGHTENS ME,I FOUND THE OWNERS MANUAL!! 395 AND IT SAYS...I'VE HAD MY PERSONALITY SPLIT INTO A ZILLION PARTS,2 OF 396 WHICH CAN EXIST AT ANY ONE TIME.AND RIGHT NOW I'M RUNNING ON THE DOMMINANT 397 ONE(CAP'N CRAZY) AND THE SECONDARY(RED LAND ROVER) 398 BUT WHY DO I HAVE THIS URGE TO DRIVE OVER TO THAT FIELD OF... 399 POPPIES,POPPIES,POPPIES,poppies,poppies.(FADE AT 3 db PER STEP) 400 YOU NEVER WALK ALONE 401 CAP'N CRAZY 402 403 AND THE ZILLION ZANY ZEALOTS 404 BOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDER 405 Hello all! 406 mr.mckane:when do i get my first assignment? do i distribute meta-barbie 407 dolls? 408 Jonathan Chance:no reports as of yet 409 bBOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDERBOARDER 410 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 411 WHAT STUPID FOOLS! 412 THEY THINK THAT THEY CAN JUST COME IN AND STEAL THE PHONEX EGG FROM ME 413 .. THE WIZARD..HOW PREPOSTEROUS,WHEN I STOP LAUGHING I'LL 414 PUT THE NINJA BACK AT THE INN AND LET THE OTHERS HAVE A CHANCE. 415 ::::::::::::::::::::::::THE WIZARD::::::::: 416 417 NOW HOW DO I GET THIS PERSONALITY INTO GEAR??? 418 419 CAP'N CRAZY 420 421 422 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 423 Hello people,remember me,i've been away for a long time 424 perhaps somebody can tell me who the outsider is? 425 who all of thease new people are??? 426 Bard:when do I get the prefix? 427 The Man in Gray 428 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 429 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 430 BARD: SOMETHING MUST BE LOST IN THE TRANSLATION. THAT AKKA LOOKS FAMILAR 431 BUT I AM NOT SURE. I AM SURE THAT I DON'T LIKE THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE. 432 PLEASE CLARIFY(SOON!). 433 FAST FRED: TRY TO LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY CLOSELY: 434 W H A T S I D E A R E Y O U O N??? 435 I DON'T WANT TO THREATEN YOU, BUT I NEED TO GET MY JOB DONE AND GET OUT 436 OF HERE. THE QUICKEST WAY TO DO THIS IS INSIDE HELP. YOU SEEM TO HAVE A 437 PROBLEM WITH LEROY, SO I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HELP ME. IF YOU WON'T HELP, 438 THEN GOOD-BYE FOR NOW! IF YOU WILL, LET'S BE FRIENDS.(I LOWER AND SLING THE FLINTLOCK, HOLDING OUT MY HAND IN FRIENDSHIP) 439 SNRUB REGOR: HA HA HA HA! THE INTERSTELLAR FOUNDATION FOR MUTUAL PROTECTION 440 LAUGHS AT YOUR ATTEMPTS. LOOK UP THE WAR OF 18463. YOU DON'T SCARE ANYONE. 441 LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I TRIED TO INTERFERE. JUST CLEAR OUT, AS 442 "I'M WORKING THIS SIDE OF THE GALAXY". 443 COMMANDER LACELLS 444 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 445 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 446 ALL: THESE REALITY SHIFTS MUST BE IMPARING SPELLING SKILLS. 447 MY NAME IS SPELLED JONATHAN CHANCE. 448 THINK YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT, PLEASE???? 449 450 I THINK THAT THE EGG IS REAL, OR WHY WOULD IT BE SO PROTECTED?!?!? 451 I HAPPEN TO TRUST THE NINJA, SO I WILL TRY TO HELP HIM. LET'S SEE.... 452 AH! A MAIL ORDER CATALOG IS WHAT I NEED. (POP!) ORANGES, ORANGES, ORAN- 453 HERE IT IS! FRESH ORANGES FROM UGANDA. WILL DELIVER BY MONDAY. SOUNDS ALL 454 RIGHT TO ME! I'LL TAKE 10.... 455 I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF SOME OF THE BOOKS IN THE WIZARD'S LAB AS I 456 "ADVANCED TOWARDS THE REAR". ONE LOOKED GOOD,"THE HOW AND WHY OF ENSCORELL- 457 MENT" SINCE LOCATION SEEMS TO BE NO OBJECT, LET'S TRY MY TALENT. 458 BUT FIRST, SOME RUBBER GLOVES. THERE NOW LET'S TRY THAT! 459 (THE BOOK STARTS TO FADE IN, OBVIUOSLY HAVING PROBLEMS. I STRAIN TO MY 460 LIMIT, WONDERING IF IT WILL BE WORTH ALL THIS EFFORT, OR WILL IT EVEN 461 SUCCEED? I HOPE SO!.....) 462 JONATHAN CHANCE 463 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 464 &^%$%^&*()(*&^%$^&()@#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$##$%^&*()_)(&#$%^&*()(*&^$###$%^&* 465 UPI - KANSASA large structure bearing the name, "Backwater 466 Inn," was found deposited in a cornfield 24 miles north 467 of Topeka. I was apparently dropped there by the largest 468 tornado to rip through Kansas since the filming of a 469 Judy Garland film some 45 years ago. One girl suffered 470 minor head injuries in the first tornado. No persons 471 were found in the building, but, by the number of ales 472 half consumed inside it is estimated that there were 473 approximately 26 people inside when the tornado touched 474 down in Portland, Oregon some four days ago. 475 In an apparently related story, FBI and Federal 476 Marshals have reason to believe that a possible kidnap 477 victim (identified only as Pam) could be in the vicinity 478 of the relocated Inn. 479 )(**&^^$%^&*()*&^%$%^&^%$#@#$#@!#$%^&*()(*&*()_)(*&^&*&^%$#$%^&*()(*&^%$* 480 Commander: if the Bard is really in posseession of AKKA, I would suggest 481 that you don't cross him. Charles Anthar (of the Green Hall, you 482 may remember), while incarcerated on Pluto, forced the Emperor 483 Adam the Third to abdicate and restore democracy to the System. He did this using the simple device called AKKA. 484 485 Bard: are you an ancestor of Aladoree Anthar, or a minion of 486 Eric Ulnar? In fact, since there seems to be such doubt about your 487 true identity, perhaps you're Eric himself! 488 I manage to follow most of your references, but what is the 489 origin of the BOLO? I know I've read it somewhere, but cannot remember 490 where. I though Dorsai, or Pournelle, but could find them in neither 491 place. Enlighten me, Oh plier of words! 492 493 Snrub Regor, Grand Gnob. Looks like Roger Burns, grand bong to me. 494 :::::::::::::::::O O:::::::voyeur:::::::O O::::::::::::::::::::::::: 495 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 496 Bard: Please be careful where you point that thing. Yes I vaguely remember 497 AKKA (enough to be impressed if that is necessary). Please don't point it down 498 as I would like a place to stand if it accidentally goes off. Up is not too 499 good either -- I never did have a hankering to see a nova first hand. 500 The copper being interrupted. "ex-cuse me gen-tel-men but my gracious ruler 501 wish-es to know your in-ten-tions. we have no par-ti-cu-lar fear of any out- 502 side weapons as our par-tic-u-ar re-al- 503 i-ty is main-tained by the be-lief of 504 mill-ons of litt-le chil-dren. This pow-er-ful force is quite en-ough to be 505 proof against a few dis-org-an-ized com-pu-ter us-ers!". The copper being 506 drew himself upward and seemed to be looking down his copper-colored nose at 507 the party. "as a mat-ter of fact, if it were up to me, you would be ap-ply-ing 508 for en-trance to the city at the ser-vants door!" 509 The piper turned to the meatal man and spoke, "Please excuse our unorganized 510 appearance and actions, Tic-Tok. I, myself, have been a follower of the Oz 511 books in childhood. Their recollection is somewhat garbled in my memory, 512 however. Our intentions as a group are honorable -- we seek to find the source 513 of an incursion of high-tech weaponry into the placid reality of the inn we 514 often frequent. However (glancing at the bard) we sometimes forget our purpose 515 and get sidetracked into other pursuits. We were attempting to consult the 516 wizard as to how to find and put a stop to such incursions into formerly 517 peaceful surroundings. Many members of our party seem to be exhibiting tenden- 518 cies toward violence that normally do not surface. In addition, I believe that 519 some others whose motives may not be so pure are gathering like vultures who 520 surround a thirstly man in the desert. Their purpose seems to be to incite 521 violence and feed off the leavings. I and I hope most of the other more 522 peacably inclined persons still hope to accomplish our original purpose --- 523 MAKE THE BACKWATER SAFE FOR INANITY!" 524 With these words, the piper struck an impressive pose, his pipes slung under 525 his left arm with the drones horizontal and pointing forward, head thrown back 526 and gazing upward, his right arm held up and forward, forefinger extended. 527 ------------------------------------------------------------ 528 Well, here it is St. Patty's day! So for you Irish types out there; 529 Erin Go Braugh 530 And for the Irish women libbers; 531 Erin Go Braless 532 ----------------------------------------------------------------- 533 Personally,I think that you are all gone crazy! What is going on here? Is everyone gone mad? SHAOLIN 534 && && && 535 It was a queit spring afternoon, and the Inn was empty save for the Innkeeper himself as the robed man swept in 536 and quickly shut the door on the still-chilly air outside. 537 "Ah! It's good to be back! I'll bet you don't even remember me. I was here but once before, a couple months back." 538 "There IS something familiar about your face. Weren't you with that party that went off to stop the weapons- 539 smugglers? It's been Much quieter in the Inn since that belligerent lot took off." 540 "Why, no sir. I've been here but once. I broke into a political argument with a love sonnet I'd just written. 541 When they threw things at me afterwards, I chose not to return. I heard that things had changed, so I have returned." 542 "That's funny, I thought you were the one who got all of them all excited to go in the first place." 543 "Nope. Got the wrong fellow. Now, may I please have seven ales? A Poet gets thirsty, you know." 544 && The Mad Actor && 545 546 The Poet looked down at the Ninja writhing on the floor. The young ones sure didn't show much sense, sometimes. 547 "Hey! Ninja! The Wizard is not a violent person. He wouldn't hurt someone for just grabbing a jewel hanging in 548 front of their face. This's probably just some sorcerous form of hypnotism, meant to hold you here. Try letting the 549 gem GO. 550 "Nobody touch him. If it is a spell, it probably extends through physical contact." 551 && The Mad Actor && 552 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 553 HUH, WHAT THIS?!?!? WHERE IS I? I WAS SITTING IN A BAR, MINDING MY OWN 554 BUSINESS, WHEN SOMEBODY RUN UP SHOUTING"CANDYGRAM! CANDYGRAM FOR MONGO!" 555 MONGO LIKES CANDY. MONGO TOOK THE CANDY, AND BANG! MONGO WAS HERE! WHERE 556 IS HERE? WHERE BULL? BULL NOT HERE. MAYBE OUTSIDE! OOPS, THERE GO DOOR! 557 NO NEED DOOR. THROW IT AWAY. WHERE BULL?THERE MAN ON METAL BULL. GO SEE HIM. 558 "HEY MAN! YOU KNOW WHERE BULL IS? YOU SEEN BULL? WHERE BULL?" 559 MAN JUST SIT THERE, STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD. MAN NOT ANSWER. WHY NOT ANSWER? 560 MONGO 561 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 562 563 Obviously, Mongo--- man is merely SITTING,BULL 564 has been running...when will you learn, little buttercup? 565 ME NO UNDERSTAND. WHAT MEAN SITTING BULL AND BUTTERCUP? ME MONGO. 566 =============================================================================== 567 Attention COMMANDER LACELLS and voyeur: 568 569 Your apparent lack of regard for earlier transmissions is intolerable. It's 570 Imperial Megyesi will not be amused. Also your feeble attempts at cryptography 571 with my name and title are unnecessary. Transmissions are uncoded to enable 572 understanding even with the backwards technology of the garbage dump you call 573 a planet. I dluoc etirw gnihtyreve sdrawkcab tub ouy era oot diputs ot daer ti. 574 Snrub Regor 575 576 Grand Gnob 577 578 Of It's Megyesi's Pseudo-Secret-Province 579 580 ================================================================================ 581 SNRUB--NAC I 582 ?"?"?"?"YBBA RAED >