💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0906.txt captured on 2022-07-17 at 05:52:58.

View Raw

More Information

⬅️ Previous capture (2022-06-12)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

               ,...
               $$
               $$T""P$$ba,  ,gd&P""T&bg.   ,gd&P""T&bg.              
 gggggggggg    $$    $$$b d$$    $$b d$$   $$$b   ggggggggggg
 """"""""""    $$    $$$ $$$    $$$ $$$bxxP&$&P   """""""""""
               $$    $$$ T$$    $$P T$$                      
 $$""""" "    """"    $$$  "T&$bxxd{body}amp;P"   "T&$bxx$$


   "  """""$$
 """                   """"""                                         """
 ggg                     "The Biography of Clippit"                   ggg
 $$                            by -> Mogel                           $$
 $$                                                                  $$
 $$             (* HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #901 -- 11/29/99 *)          .,$$
 `""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`

	Clippit, the most dominant and recognized member of the staff of
 Microsoft Office Assistants[tm] is certainly worthy of recognition. It's
 obvious this classic Office icon is great subject for a research paper
 such as this--not just his more well documented and influential work, but
 because he has a complex, fascinating life.  A life filled with hardship,
 accomplishment, and inspiration.
	For those of you that don't know, Clippit grew up as a slightly
 malformed aluminum creature, in the cold, mean offices of New York City.
 There his beloved mother and emasculated father worked long, hard hours
 on the paperwork, virtually like slaves.  The living conditions were
 obviously not that of a human being, and it doesn't take a rocket
 scientist to presume that Clippit was badly treated as a child.  Was
 there parental abuse and neglect?  It's hard to say.
	In Clippit's own words, "...those were hard, hard times.  I don't
 remember them too well anymore.  Teehee!"
	But sometimes overcoming hardship is exactly what builds
 character, and what makes something great.  Clippit met this challenge,
 and even at an early age--he realized his dream.
	"I wanted to make the world a better place for paper clips.  We
 get so much bullshit, you know."  After winking, he went on to say, "and
 with the coming dependence on computers to store information, I was the
 first paper clip to realize that my world was slowly getting even
 smaller."
	Yes, Clippit was an innovator.  But the road was long and hard for
 Clippit.  He first had to deal with the tremendous bigotry that
 surrounded being a paper clip.  Sometimes office workers would bend and
 unbend him over and over again until he was *this* close to snapping.
	"People think that just because you're a piece of cleverly-crafted
 metal that they can just toss you around, disrespect you, and treat you
 like dirt!"  He giggled.  "Well, you can't."  There was a meditative
 moment of silence.  "Well, I guess you can."  More introspection.  "But
 it's not right!"
	Clippit was refused from every major university in New York State
 simply on the grounds that he was a paper-clip.  But this would not stop
 Clippit.  All this cruelty, all this denial--it just fueled Clippit's
 fire to stop this oppression.  Sometimes great things come from tragedy.
	Unknown to most, Clippit made his first show business attempt as
 struggling stand-up comedian in night clubs in New York City.  This is
 where he *first* met his now closest friend, Scribble the cat, a far
 more successful comedian.  That was where Scribble first learned his
 now-famous routine of folding himself up into an envelope, and then
 mailing himself.  It usually brought down the house.
	Clippit's jokes weren't nearly as successful.
	"Why do paper-clips.. hold paper?  Uh, because they were made to?"
	It just wasn't funny.  But it was important experience to give
 Clippit more *personality*!  A personality that would rocket him to the
 top!  You see, while getting hammered one night, a rather confused, young
 Microsoft employee, at the time a mail-boy, entered the comedy club.  
 "The Genius", as he was later called, was coming up with a new project.  
 Microsoft Office Assistants were needed.
	The rest is history.
	Clippit's life has completely changed.  He now enjoys tremendous
 publicity, being on millions of PCs across the world, being translated
 into different languages, and doing something he loves... helping make
 other people's lives a lot easier!  He goes to work every morning in his
 new car, Hoverbot, with a smile on his face.  Some of Clippit's critics
 miss his message--they call him annoying, unnecessary, redundant.  But
 they're missing something very important here--influence!  Clippit has
 truly changed the entire world's paradigm about what it means to be a
 paper-clip.  For this he should be recognized.

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    HOE #906 - WRITTEN BY: MOGEL - 11/29/99 ]