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+====================================+ ! A GUIDE TO REAL SKIMBOARDERS ! ! ! ! Compiled by Mr. Wizard ! +====================================+ +====================================+ This is a guide as to what REAL skimboarders pratice. There is no room here for "pseudoskimmers," as you must use this as a guide for self improve- ment. There is always room for improvement, so I suggest you adjust yourselves accordingly to avoid being laughed at. +====================================+ Corollary: Real skimboarders make their own boards. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't decorate their homemade boards with magic markers, but with colored resins. Corollary: If real skimboarders are wealthy enough, they buy a J.GORDON. Corollary: Skimboarders who buy J.GORDONs use them to their full extent, not just show them off. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't have round boards. Corollary: Real skimboarders have bevelled boards, except in the case of J.GORDONs. Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't have stupid-looking boards or shapes that don't work. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't waste their time on flat beaches--- if they can help it. Addition to corollary: --- unless they are practicing for a contest. Corollary: Real skimboarders go for the real thing-----SHOREBREAK! Corollary: Real skimboarders know that the most superior boards around for shorebreak are foamies and some J. GORDONs. Corollary: Real skimboarders try to find out where contests are. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't chew gum while skimboarding. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't wear walkmans or backpacks while skimboarding. Corollary: Real skimboarders go on as little water as possible. Corollary: Real skimboarders aren't proud of "battle scars" (rock dings) because they know they make rad boards look like crap. Corollary: Real skimboarders repair dings as soon as possible. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't go on suicide runs over pebbles. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't carve the rough unless they are going fast and/or the rough is deep. Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't carve 6" rough unless they are bored out of their skulls, in which case they quit for a while. Corollary: Real skimboarders make the most of every ride (except in the above situation). Corollary: Real skimboarders don't try to skim on their boogieboards. Corollary: Real skimboarders are reluctant to answer questions like "What is that?" and "Where did you get that?" asked by ASS-WHITE tourists (but answer them anyway). Corollary: Real skimboarders usually hate tourists except for the gawking, pointing, and idolizing that they do. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't care if they mess up. Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders know that it's okay to mess up, and that if one doesn't once in a while, there's something wrong. Corollary: Real skimboarders are willing to try new tricks. Corollary: Real skimboarders laugh out loud (or at least bust up inside) at pseudoskimmers who talk up their weak, inferior moves. Corollary: Real skimboarders don't use poses to impress anyone else but judges. Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders also use poses to outdo someone they are competing against. Corollary: Real skimboarders accept female skimmers because they are being adventurous females. Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't jeer at female skimmers because they just might blow away everyone else. Corollary: Real skimboarders try to attain the ultimate--------------- the skimboard AERIAL.