💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › rider.txt captured on 2022-07-17 at 02:33:07.
⬅️ Previous capture (2022-06-12)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MacWeeny Rider (with apologizes to Charlie Daniels) Sung to the tune of "Uneasy Rider" I was taking a trip to spring COMDEX, cruising along in my 300 ZX, gonna demo the MAC version of Crosstalk Sixteen. I had just turned on to old Spring Street, when I felt a crunch down by my feet, my poor little mouse had just broke apart. Didn't have a spare so I started to sweat, 'cause the Director of Sales would have my neck "Don't screw up son, or we'll be hung out to dry!" I started looking for a park for my ride found a tall building then pulled to the side, kinda white collar looking place called the IBM tower. I stuffed the mouse down into my jeans then walked inside, it was surgery clean, asked a cute blonde if I could use her phone. Well she looked so fine I'm telling you son but her eyes were colder than the finish on a gun and she glared at me and passed the cord around. I called up Innacomp down the road away the man said he wasn't very busy today and he could have someone there in a few minutes or so. He said "Now we know Crosstalk's our biggest account, so just sit tight we're gonna help you out, we'll drop a new mouse right on your front seat!" I just walked on over to the chrome and glass couch the kinda of seat were you never can crouch and picked up a copy of PC Magazine. I started reading a story `bout a bankrupt VAR when some guy walks in and says "Who owns this car with the Escort, nose-bra and alloy wheels?" Well he looked at me and I damn near died so I decided I just better wait outside, so I gave the blonde a wink and headed for the door. I was about out the door without laughing out loud when in walks this fascist looking crowd with another blonde; all of wearing white shirts. I was almost to the door when the smallest one said "You're a MAC weeny, aren't you son?" but when I went for my car keys the mouse fell out. Well they all started laughing and I felt outa place I knew better to fool with the "master race" so I just reached out and kicked old shorty right in the balls. He let out a shriek that could crack some glass but before he could speak he fell on his ass and I said "Watch him boys, cause he's a Apple user too! You've all been conned by this here fool he's sold all the secrets about the PS2's to anyone who ever used a mouse." I said "Would you believe this man, has gone as far as giving micro channels to Apple VAR's and he's a member of Greenpeace as well. He eats granola and wears bikini briefs drives a Volvo and has silk sheets, hell, he even voted for Walter Mondale! He's a real liberal, I tell ya guys when talking 'bout women he don't even lie and his wife is a secretary for UNISYS. He wants gun control and free school lunch socialized medicine and I gotta hunch, he drinks Perrier and eats only vegetables." They all started looking real funny at him but he jump right up and said "Now wait a minute Lynn you know he's lying I had double meat Whopper for lunch! I hunt them deers with my Remmington and down at the Cheetah III we all have fun when I get those gals to table dance." Then he started saying something 'bout the length of my hair and I felt them eyes all starting to stare at the "Simon for Prez" button on my pants. Well, I hit the door but they followed my ass my Reeboks dug in and I made a dash toward my car where the Innacomp van was parked. They had plugged a new mouse in the back of the MAC so I threw 'em a PO and said "Hey, thanks a bunch Jack!" dropped her in first and got rubber getting out of that spot. They headed for their Buicks but I hit the gas and turned around and headed them off at the pass I was at full boost, putting a ton of gravel in the air. Well, I had them all their yelling and screaming and they were so lost they thought they was dreaming but I figured I'd better git 'fore security got there. Ralph Nader himself would have sure be proud (I was obeying the speed limit when I left that crowd) and my catalytic converter was working just right. I moved on down to Peachtree street thinking how it was particularly neat, the way those Nazis looked when I left. With COMDEX in sight I paused to think, how IBM could employ such finks all white shirts and ties, what a bunch of drones. My demo went fine, the MAC was a hit and the PS2's took a lotta shit 'cause Compaq was showing off some clones. COMDEX FALL is where I'll go next year, provided, of course, IBM's there to jeer.