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GADGETFILEGADGETFILEGADGETFILEGADGETFILE
A L
D [GADGET-TERM 1.0 S0PHTD0><!] I
G F
E [>PH0RMATTED 4 40 K0L00MZ!<] T
T E
F WR0TED BI: G
I [=> THE GADGET MASSTER!! <=] D
L A
ELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAG
HI!1!!, THIS IS LARRYE. I FURZT WANTED 2
EXPLAIN WHYE I WR0TED THIS PR0GRAMZ.
EWE SEE, THERE R SUM PE0PLEZ WH0E D0N'T
ACKN0WLEDGE (KINDA LAYK WHEN CATFUR D0EZ
N0T ACK-N0WLEDGE, ACK/NAK! GET IT!?!?!?
EYE D0N'T, BUT S0ME1 T0LD ME T0 SAY IT
BECUZ IT'Z PHUNNY. ANYWAY, M0VING RITE
AL0NG) MY GRATE ELITENEZZ AND SUPER-
HY00MAN KRAKING P0WERZ. THERE R SUM
PE0PLE WH0E SAY THAT B942:18 IZN'T HARD
2 D0E. THERE R EVAN SUM PE0PUL WH0 SAY
THAT I AM ST00PID F0R FUCKING UP C0PYA
WHEREZ.
WELL 2 TH0SE PE0PLE, I JUST HAVE T0 SAY
LIEZ, LIEZ, ALL LIEZ, I DIDN'T D0E IT,
IT'S N0T MY FAULT. (REPEAT 50 TIMEZ).
EYE D0N'T KARE IF YOU HAVE PR00F, EYE
D0N'T KARE IF IT'Z TRUE. IT D0EZN'T
MATTER BECUZ I YAM ELITE, AND THEREF0RE
EXEMPT FR0M JUDGEMENT BY EVERY1 ELSE
BUT ME.
2 PR0VE MY ELITENEZZ I WR0TED THE GADGT
MASSTER CRACK PHILE. IT PR0VED T0 THE
W0RLD WHAT EVERY1 ALREADY KNEW. NAMELY
THAT I YAM A T0TAL IDI0T, WITH A 3RD
GRADE GRAMMATICAL STILE 2 B00T.
^^HAY!@#!@#1! EYE DIDN'T WR0TE THAT UP
THERE, THAT'Z AN0THER LYE BEING SPRED
BYE MY ENIMIEZ.
T0 FURTHER EXPREZZ MY ELITENEZZ I WILL
SH0W T0 N0N-ELITE EYEZ 4 THE FURZT
TYME, THE ELYTE!@#12!@ PE0PUL K0DE.
---------------------------------------
Elite Commandments:
-------------------
1] Never admit you have no idea what you're talking about.
2] Never have a good word to say about anyone else but yourself.
3] Join every group that will let you join. After a few weeks have passed,
quit & claim they aren't good enough to merit your prescence.
4] Always shift the blame to someone else. "It's not my fault" should become
2nd nature to you.
5] Always have nasty things to say about your so called friends behind their
backs.
6] Hate as many people as possible.
7] Start as many rag wars as humanly possible. When your up against
intelligent people (As on Adventurers Tavern, 1982-1986. RIP), and losing
your end of the war. Say "This is stupid and childish, even if I did start
it", and stop posting.
8] When someone becomes pushy and openly challenges your lack of knowledge
about something. Say "I know the answer, but you're not elite enough, so I
can't tell you".
9] If anyone still dares to question you then threaten them with tough things
like getting someone to turn their phones off, or charge 10 billion toilets
on their mothers credit card. (It doesn't matter whether or not you
actually know how to do this, or know anyone else who will do it for you.
This is a favorite tactic of ELITE!@ phreak groups like L0D!!@#1!.) If all
else fails began chanting "Cable throw, Cable throw, Cable throw" or if you
are a pirate: make a frightening rag page on them in your next Copya crack.
[Warning: Be sure to only use this on a fellow ELITE!@#1! phreak, pirate or
equivalent ignorant person. Anyone else will laugh at you & tell you to fuck
off. Only adding to the questioning of your massive eliteness.]
10] Make as big a fool of yourself as is possible. Display your ignorance and
stupidity in a manner that will make itself noticible to the modem
community at large. If you are a aspiring elite pirate, get your name on
as many copya cracks as fast as possible. Or if you are a up and coming
elite phreak, start up your own little world (or join someone else who has
already done this, such as LOD), refuse to see anyones viewpoint but your
own, & declare yourselves mega-elite.
Remember: When in doubt, repeat to yourself the sacred chant: "I am elite, I
can't be wrong, I am elite, I am always right and know everything", repeat
until your confidense is restored (Humming, or accompanyment by a choir, is
optional).
Also be certain to rag on anyone who displays any kind of knowledge about
anything, and is not currently ELITE!@# If he's not elite, he can't be right.
After all, everyone in the universe cares about the "elite hierarchy!", its
what makes the world go around!@#21!!!!
[National Enlightener!]
- 4 yr. old boy is the anti-christ.
- Robert Woodhead (Co-Author of Wizardry for the Apple) suggests that all
pirates be flogged to death, and recommends that their parents use birth
control next time.
- Aliens from the planet z0d abduct Mrs. Glop, force her to participate in a
heated 56 way orgy, then dump her into her backyard.
- King Blotto talks to newsweek for the 93rd time in 2 weeks. Ms. Blarf the
secretary finally tells him the shattering truth that they don't care
anymore. Blotto is now sending his up to the minute exposes' to Young Miss
magazine & Bingo news around the world.
- 19 yr. old boy goes on a spree and kills 98. When questioned by auth-
orities, his response: "I was bored"
- Lord Digital & Mr. Xerox buy an island in the carribean and found a new
religion, with themselves declared as the gods. Prospective initiates must
prove their worth by boot tracing a protected copy of 1 of the Phantom Access
disks, while making AUM sounds & signing away all their wordly wealth.
- Water is a deadly toxin. Report on page 938.
- Group of NJ wiz kids use mental telepathy and a micromodem to rearrange the
orbit of US. Satelites. "I've never seen nothin' like it" declares computer
authority, Sheriff Ima Fool. The U.S.S.R. expresses interest in hiring the
offenders.
- Is your dog really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 437 and
find out.
- Conference on piracy and it's effects on computer companies. Part 11932 of
an ongoing tirade of threats, suggest ions, counter-threats, and all around
stupidity. [Sorry this story has been cancelled since our ex-reporter fell
asleep during the opening comments.]
- Are YOU really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 438 and find
out.
- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ Betty Crocker Home Cooking Book 1 $
$$$=> Typed By Lex Luthor <=$$$
$=> Copied From BC Home Cooking 1 <=$
$$$$$=> Uploaded by <=$$$$$
$ $
$$$$$=> Lex Luthor! <=$$$$$
$$$=> & The Legion of Doom! <=$$$
$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
- Buy land on Alpha Centuri. Avoid the rush on this soon to be, prime real
estate. Details on page 230.
All this and much much more! only in:
[ELITE NEWS WEEKLY!]
"I can't be wrong... I'm elite!"
---------------------------------------
We gratefully acknowledge all mentioned parties, for being the way they are. &
express our most sincere apologies to Young Miss (TM) magazine, for having the
audacity to suggest they would stoop so low, as to printing commentary from
King Blotoe.
---------------------------------------
D000DZ, N0WE TELLE ME THAT I YAM N0T A
TRUE ELYTE!???!?!?!? D0N'T EYE PH0LL0W
EACH AND EVERY1 0PH THE TEN (10) ELITE
K0MMANDMENTZ?!?!?!? 0PH K0RSE EYE D0E!
THATZ BECUZ I YAM A TRUE ELYTE!@#!#@!!
N0W, T0 PR0VE MY T0TAL ELITENEZZ F0R
ALL TYME, F0R ANY1 LEFT WH0 STILL
KEWSTI0NZ IT:
GADGET-TERM!
A BREAKTHR0UGH IN TELEC0MMUNIKATI0NZ!
KUMMING S00N!
GADGET-SEND!
BE L00KING 4WARD 2 IT D00DZ!
LARRYE
GADGET MASSTER
FURZT KLAZZ
PS. IF U G0T ANY TRUBEL WITH MY AWES0ME
PR0GRAM (I KN0W ITZ K0MLEX, CUZ I YAM
VERY ADVANCED), THEN GIVE MY 24 H0TLINE
A KAWL: 718-996-2319
L8R0[\] ALL U ELYTEZ. AND UNELYTE M0EZ!
THE Gadget [Found mah sHiFt key] mASSter
!!11@1111@111@@1111122@11222!!!!22!!@!#!