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>A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
>By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat
>
>So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a
>whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the
>scenester dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school
>riot grrrls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or
>permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.
>Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into
>this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered
>before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature
>with a culture all his own. In short, a geek.
>
>* Why Geek Dudes Rule:
>* They are generally available.
>* Other women will tend not to steal them.
>* They can fix things.
>* Your parents will love them.
>* They're smart.
>
>Where The Geek Dude Lurks
>While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to
>shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends,
>discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates
>impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite
>bands
>on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear
>
>t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus
>showing
>that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though convivial,
>rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one
>yourself
>and see if he strikes up a conversation.
>
>Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All
>geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
>carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
>activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
>uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an
>advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack
>of players. Their lack is your strength.
>
>Imprinting
>
>You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the
>world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a
>reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek
>dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social
>milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives,
>and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and
>themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them,
>while the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in
>point, our next topic....
>
>The Trek Factor
>
>If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping
>a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock
>either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space
>Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies,
>you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek
>are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women
>are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual tensions on the
>bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with
>luxuriant, flowing hair.  The men, often balding, and sporting some sort of
>permanently attached computer auxiliary.  This world metaphorizes the
>fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky-but-heroic male
>officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart, Deanna or Bev to come
>along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If you are willing to
>accept that this is his starting point for reality, you are ready for a
>geek relationship.
>
>Once You've Nabbed Him
>
>Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by
>your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak with Miss
>Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever
>enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her
>newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:
>Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with
>the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most
>attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more
>alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a
>chance.
>
>Geek Cuisine
>
>Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think
>and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your geek
>understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home
>cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you
>love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however,
>remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a
>monitor.
>
>Geek Lifestyle
>
>The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with
>him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at least
>appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of the
>computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able
>to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about
>details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your best
>Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.
>
>To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play Myst
>or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to. Act concerned if
>he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek loves to try to
>help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst. He comes
>up with clever riddles instead of directing them point blank. Geeks also
>like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically
>harmless vent for your man.
>
>Geek Buddies
>
>Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to
>as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is
>sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"). The greatest thing
>about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up
>with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at first, so
>don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their shell and realize
>that you are into the same things they are.
>
>Post-It Note
>
>I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my
>draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which
>one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil,
>immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most
>like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who
>is always had trouble (this is fairly apt). This exchange is interesting
>for several reasons:
>* Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
>* He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
>* Victoria actually knew who he meant.
> - Folks, I think this marriage will last.
>
>One Last Thing
>
>Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have
>gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed them.
>They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to
>realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue,
>or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you.
>Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new
>interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.
>
>Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles.
>Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little intellectual
>stimulation or your own? We thought so.
>
>Happy Hunting!