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D A T A P R O C E S S I N G D E F I N I T I O N S
ACCESS TIME- THE TIME BETWEEN THE INSTANT AT WHICH INFORMATION IS CALLED FOR,
AND THE INSTANT AT WHICH MANAGEMENT EXPECTS THE FINAL REPORT.
ASSEMBLER- ONE WHO DROPS HIS CARD DECK.
BIT- THE INCREMENT BY WHICH PROGRAMMERS SLOWLY GO MAD.
BREAKPOINT- THE POINT AT WHICH PROGRAMMER INCREMENTS PAST LAST BIT AVAILABLE.
CHAINING- A METHOD OF ATTACHING PROGRAMMERS TO DESK, TO SPEED UP OUTPUT.
CHECKPOINT- THE LOCATION FROM WHICH A PROGRAMMER DRAWS HIS SALARY.
CORE STORAGE- A RECEPTACLE FOR THE CENTER SECTION OF APPLES.
COUNTER- AN AREA OVER WHICH MARTINI'S ARE SERVED.
CRASH- WHAT A DETACHED (Q.V.) PROGRAMMER WOULD DEARLY LOVE TO DO, FOR AT LEAST
EIGHT HOURS.
DEFAULT- DE LINE WEST OF WHICH DE STATE OF CALIFORNIA WILL FLOAT OFF TO SEA AT
DE NEXT MAJOR QUAKE.
DETACHED- WHAT PROGRAMMER BECOMES AFTER THIRD DAY WITHOUT SLEEP.
DEVICE- MEDIEVAL TORTURE INSTRUMENT SUCH AS THUMBSCREW, IRON MAIDEN.
DISKETTES- A GROUP RECENTLY FORMED FROM OLD MEMBERS OF THE ROCKETTES.
DOCUMENTATION- A MANUAL WHICH TELLS YOU HOW TO USE A PROGRAM, SYSTEM, OR
UTILITY ONE VERSION AGO, AND WHICH IS NOW UNSUPPORTED.
ERROR- WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS MADE WHEN THEY DISAGREE WITH YOUR COMPUTER OUTPUT.
EXTERNAL STORAGE- WASTEBASKET
FIXED WORD LENGTH- FOUR LETTER WORD USED BY PROGRAMMERS IN A STATE OF CONFUSION.
FLOATING CONTROL- CHARACTERISTIC EXHIBITED WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM,
BUT CAN'T LEAVE THE COMPUTER.
FLOATING POINT- THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT BEFORE FLOATING CONTROL IS LOST.
HARDWARE- NUTS, BOLTS, AND CIRCUIT BOARDS "LEFT OVER" AFTER REPAIRMAN HAS
REASSEMBLED CPU.
HOST- PERSON WHO INSISTS ON KEEPING VISITING PROGRAMMER UP UNTIL 4 AM WITH
TRIVIA.
I/O DEVICE- NOTE YOU SIGN FOR THE BANK IN/ORDER TO GET LOAN FOR NEW (OLD) CAR.
LIBRARY- AN ORGANIZED COLLECTION OF OBSOLETE MATERIAL.
LOAD- WHAT YOU DUMP AFTER REACHING FLOATING POINT.
LOW ORDER POSITION- THE PROGRAMMER'S LOCATION IN THE CHAIN OF COMMAND.
MAINFRAME- PRIMARY PERSON WHO JUST GOT SET UP FOR THE BLAME OF THE SYSTEM CRASH.
MICROSECOND- AMOUNT OF TIME NEEDED FOR A PROGRAM TO BOMB.
MONITOR- SHIP THAT FOUGHT THE MERRIMAC.
NANOSECOND- MEASURE OF TIME ON MORK'S PLANET ORK.
OFF-LINE- UNCHARITABLE REMARKS PROGRAMMER MAKES TO WIFE OR HUSBAND UPON BEING
PHONED AT 9PM TO COME IN BECAUSE SYSTEM JUST CRASHED.
ON-LINE- PROGRAMMER TRYING TO DEAL RATIONALLY ON PHONE WITH MANAGEMENT AT 9PM.
PERIPHERAL- NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T...
PRINTOUT- A DOCUMENT TO VERIFY DATA YOU KNOW IS WRONG ANYWAY.
PROGRAMMER- RED EYED MUMBLING MAMMAL, CAPABLE OF COMMUNICATING WITH INANIMATE
OBJECTS.
SOURCE FILE- ONE WHICH WAS "APPROPRIATED" FROM ONE OF THE COMPETITORS.
SWITCH- WHEN MANAGEMENT CHANGES ITS MIND.
TERMINAL- CONDITION OF DETACHED PROGRAMMER THREE DAYS FURTHER ALONG.