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An unabridged, uncommon, and
unnecessary dictionary of computer
terms
snagged off a vax system by:
--->king herman
array:
what comes out of buck roger's
gun.
Assumed decimal point:
located two positions to the right of
a programmer's current salary in
estimating his own worth.
Basic:
1) what programs appear to be but
never are.
2) Achronym for "beginners
all-purpose society for
incompetent computing"
bit:
the increment by which computer
programmers slowly go mad.
Buffer:
1) a job for out of work programmers
consisting of polishing floors.
2) The active ingredient in the
programmer's favorite drug:
aspirin.
Bus:
as in greyhound or pdp, upon which
all data commute to work.
Card reader:
woman who tells fortunes.
Chaining:
a method of attaching programmers to
desks to speed up output.
Character set:
a group of qualities that programmers
begin to lack after many years of
overflows and head crashes. (See: any
term above that you don't know or
understand, because if you don't,
then you probably still have one.
Checkpoint:
the location from which a programmer
? draws his salary.
Cobol:
two bols working together on a common
project.
Comments:
see fixed word length.
Compiler:
program that continually finds fault
with your work. (See also: wife.)
Complex:
adjective used to describe problems
to be avoided.
Computer crime:
a system without star trek,
adventure, vaxman, and the like
installed on it.
Concatenation:
catholic ritual performed once a year
to bless programmers.
Constant:
anything but a,e,i,o or u.
Core storage:
a receptical for the center section
of apples.
Counter:
a device over which martinis are
served.
Cpu:
acronym for "central pulverizing
utility."
Debugging aids:
insecticides.
Dequeue:
southern reference to queue. Example:
"where'd you put de queue, man?"
Dummy arguements:
discussion betweeen programmers.
Dump:
slang term for computer building.
(I.E. "Why do I spend so much time in
this dump?)
?
Dump list:
list of branch offices.
Edt:
pesticide for getting rid of cute
little aliens.
Error:
what someone else has made when they
disagree with your computer output.
External storage:
wastebasket.
Fixed word length:
four-letter words used by programmers
in a state of confusion.
Floating control:
a characteristic exhibited when you
have to go to the restroom, but can't
leave the computer.
Floating point:
the absolute limit before floating
control is lost.
Flow chart:
a graphic representation of the
fastest route to the restroom.
For:
a good conditional statement for
initializing a loop. (See: loop. See
also: watfor.)
Format:
what you wipe your feet on before
entering the computer building.
Fortran:
answer to watfor
free:
an obsolete expression.
Function:
what a program never does on the
first run.
Global variable:
a variable who likes to travel.
Goto:
? often used in conjunction with
biblical locations. (See also: fixed
word length.)
Hardware:
frozen software.
Head crash:
last step before computer goto,
usually executed by programmer
crashing his head against the nearest
wall.
Hex:
a spell cast on anyone deciding to be
a programmer.
Infinite loop:
see: loop.
Input:
food, whiskey, beer, aspirin, etc.
Interface:
the area between a programmer's chin
and hairline.
Interrupt:
usually the result of a keypunch.
(See also: head crash.)
Job queue:
input file for operating system
random file loss utility.
Keypunch:
error solving procedure used by
programmers; consists of applying
one's fist to the teletype terminal.
Line printer:
machine that prints lines on blank
paper, also known as a paper
shredder.
Lisp:
the language of variables.
Logical operater:
extinct species.
Loop:
see: infinite loop.
Looping:
? feeling experienced by drunk
programmers.
Machine language:
grunts, groans, squeaks, shudders,
etc.
Macro:
the last half of an expression of
suprise: "holy macro!"
Mass bus:
a very large bus, sometimes a gmc
motor coach. (See also: bus.)
Memory dump:
amnesia.
Node:
1) useless apendage.
2) Any programmer that refuses to
write anything but serious code.
Similar to a four-letter word
beginning in the same letter, but
ending in "erd".
Operator:
the person who always rips your
program in half when removing it from
the line printer. (See also:
inefficient.)
Output:
see also: floating conrol.
Overflow:
condition resulting from exceeding
floating point.
Pascal:
traveling between utah and mexico (or
the other way around).
Pinbol:
most widely used language. Terminals
usually found in pool halls, bars,
etc.
Pointer:
a breed of hunting dog.
Post mortem dump:
place for dead programmers. (See
also: dump.)
?Programmer:
1) red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable
of conversing with inanimate
objects.
2) People who pass themselves off as
exacting experts on the basis of
being able to turn out, after
innumerable debugging sessions, an
infinite series of incomprehen-
sible answers calculated with
micrometric precision from vague
assumptions based on debatable
figures taken from inconclusive
documents of problematical
accuracy by persons of dubious
reliability and questionable
mentality for the purpose of
annoying and confounding a
hopelessly defenseless department
that was unfortunate enough to
have asked for the information.
Queue:
stick used for the playing of pocket
billiards.
Register:
often found in stores.
Significant digit:
middle finger of either hand,
commonly used by programmers when
talking to operators. (I.E.He gave
the operatror two significant
digits.)
Sin:
not attending concatenation services.
Serial:
what you pour milk (or whatever) over
and eat for breakfast (e.G. Frosted
flakes, cheerios, sugar pops, fruit
loops, oatmeal, etc.).
Serial interface:
what happens when a programmer's
breakfast misses his (or her) mouth.
(See: interface, serial.)
Snobol:
what programmers throw at operators
during the winter.
Spitbol:
? what programmers shoot in class.
Stack pointer:
pointer used in hunting buxom women.
Symbol:
loud percussion instrument.
Tape:
sometimes used to chain programmers.
Tape drive:
device best known for its ability to
have lunch in the middle of reading
the only copy of a source tape.
Terminal:
condition programmer reaches just
before a post mortem dump is
required.
Text editor:
employee of the local newspaper.
Trapezoidal rule:
country ruled entirely by trapezoids.
Underflow:
symptom of an impotent programmer.
Variable:
bisexual programmer.
Watfor:
statement frequently uttered by
computer science students.