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From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)
SUPPORT IS HELL: The Torture Never Stops
"Oh, yes, we're working on that right now, sir!" (You're $%#* of of luck,
buddy!)
"Support is hell, Jeff. I don't know what to do."
"Try some M&Ms."
Chapter 2: The 9 Types of Supporters
1: THE NEW KID:
"Do you have a dog? ... My name? I'll have to get back to you on that."
ADVANTAGE: Can be used as backup often.
DISADVANTAGE: Is incapable of remembering anything even if told four or
five times.
2: EAGER BEAVER:
"Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those
new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know
where there's one just down the hall ... "
ADVANTAGE: Works hard.
DISADVANTAGE: Makes a lot of work for everyone else.
3: THE KNOW-IT-ALL:
"Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend
a better approach ... "
ADVANTAGE: Closes lots of calls.
DISADVANTAGE: If he doesn't know the answer he makes one up.
4: THE PSYCHO:
"READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
ADVANTAGE: Scares customers away.
DISADVANTAGE: His hobby is collecting guns and you can't sleep at night.
5: THE ASPIRING HACKER:
RING taptaptaptap RING RING taptaptaptap RING RING RING taptaptaptap
RING RING RING RING "Will someone get the phone?" taptaptaptap
ADVANTAGE: Answers questions about OS schedulers and internals of
IO drivers.
DISADVANTAGE: Works on everything but what he's supposed to do.
6: THE COUNSELOR:
"Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes,
I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ... "
ADVANTAGE: Soothes angry customers.
DISADVANTAGE: Capable of instant jekyll-&-hyde transformation into psycho.
7: THE INTIMIDATOR:
"Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know
Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!"
ADVANTAGE: Customers don't return call.
DISADVANTAGE: May become your boss.
8: THE VET:
"Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev
2.00.03 but they didn't document it."
ADVANTAGE: Solves the most obscure problems casually.
DISADVANTAGE: Prone to long, tedious, rambling flashbacks.
9: THE CRISPY CRITTER:
"I don't know. I don't care. Your problem, that says it all, I have
my own to take care of. Why are you using this product, anyway?"
ADVANTAGE: He's still working.
DISADVANTAGE: He's yourself three years from now.
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