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\ The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon \
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\ Typed in by: \
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\ Bill The Cat \
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\ Taken from the August 1984 issue of "Datalink" \
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Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed
nuts. Served at all staff parties.
Apple: Typically, a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with display
screens and/or worms.
Bar chart: A list of places to go when it's Miller time.
Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Bipolar: Refers to someone who has homes in Gnome, Alaska and Buffalo, New
York.
Bit: Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. See "byte."
BPI: A 1960s term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, as in
"you bet your bpi".
Bubble memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube."
Bug: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
Byte: A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?"
Cassette: A very small petite cass--usually achieved through exercise.
CPU: A juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper.
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
Chip: Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.
Closed loop: A method of execution no longer in vogue except in Iran.
Code: Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat,
runny nose and fever.
Command: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a
manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
Conversational mode: Describes the typical office the day after a major
sporting event.
CRT: A movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and must
write home.
Cursor: An expert in four-letter words.
Debug: The act of placing shoe lether against a small creeping creature.
Downtime: Coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office.
Dump: The EPA's answer to health.
Error: Something only humans can commit.
FIFO: Common name for a dog.
GIGO: A movie industry acronym referring to the numerous "Gidget Goes..."
movies, i.e. GIGO Hawaii, GIGO surfing, etc.
Hardware: Typically boots, leather, and chains. Contrast with software.
Interface: The opposite of "Getouttamyface."
K: A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are really willing
to pay.
Megahertz: A very large car rental company.
Modem: A contraction. As in "Give me some modem cookies."
Network: The occupation of a fisherman.
On line: A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being
called out.
Output: What people who talk backwards do with their cat.
Program: What commercials try to do to us.
RAM: A male sheep.
Real time: Here nad now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and
then.
ROM: A RAM after a delicate operation.
Semi-conductor: A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated
from director's school.
Software: Typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts. Contrast with
hardware.
Terminal: What most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor.
Transister: A sibling, opposite of transbrother.
Vacuum type: A derogatory term. See "bubble memory."
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| The End |
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