💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › comp.jok captured on 2022-07-17 at 02:19:25.
⬅️ Previous capture (2022-06-12)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu Tue Aug 14 13:16:32 1990 From: woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu (MIKE WOOLARD) Subject: Computer Mania---- A MENTAL DISORDER?!??!?!?!???? :^( MICROCOMPUTER MANIA--A New Mental Disorder???? By Steven Starker, PH.D. The american psychiatric association recently updated its listing of diagnostic categories with the intention that every form of mental and emotional illness be described. In the short time since its revision and publication, however, a new form of insanity has appeared in this country that threatens to reach epidemic proportions in a few years. It is therefore necessary to propose an addendum to the official A.P.A. diagnostic categories, namely, a disease entity that I call "MICROCOMPUTER MANIA." the onset, symptomatology, and typical progress are presented here as a first step toward coping with this insidious threat to the contemporary psyche. AGE OF ONSET: The illness can strike at almost any age but seems especially prevalent among adults ages 18 to 50. There have been occasional case reports of very early onset (ages 5 or 6), however, and outbreaks among teenagers are not uncommon. EARLY INDICATIONS: There are a few early warning signs by which a concerned family member or health professional may recognize the incipient stage of the illness. COMPULSIVE MAGAZINE BUYING: The unfortunate individual experiences an irresistible urge to buy magazines, spends hours poring over them, and rapidly amasses a huge collection. Each issue has something to do with computers, ranging from the "hard-core" computer technology magazines through "soft-core" electronics publications. At the extreme, any magazine bearing a picture of a computer terminal on its cover or the word computer in one of its articles is immediately acquired. CRUISING: There is a profound compulsion to locate and repeatedly visit every available store selling microcomputer equipment. these "cruisers" become well known to shop owners and sales people, some of whom are unscrupulous enough to prey on them by attempting to sell them all manner of computer goods. At the extreme are those individuals who will even cruise electronics supply stores or stereo shops in order to be near some integrated circuit chips. (particularly bad cases may be found loitering about electronic cash registers, typewriters, and computerized banking machines.) DDTERIORATION OF VOCABULARY: Peculiar verbalizations begin to compete with normal, healthy speech. Words having oral connotations, such as "apple", "byte", and "nibble", are uttered along with more obvious gibberish like "DOS, ROM, RAM." The individual seems little involved in social conversation unti l the topic of microcomputers is mentioned,whereupon an intense, exicted state of consciousness is elicited along with a rapid flow of peculiar verbalizations. CRISIS: Thus far we have identified the three warning signs that alert us to incipient microcomputer mania. The crisis that may follow is even more dramatic. EXTREME RATIONALIZATION: An elaborate series of rationalizations develops around a common theme -- the absolute necessity of owning a microcomputer. Unlike schizophrenic hallucinations, these ideas are not perceived as "voices" or intrusive commands, but are experiences as truly logical thought. Rationalizations commonly revolve around notions of self- improvement, education, and efficiency. Content is relatively unimportant to the diagnosis, however, as the victims of the disorder may be endlessly creative in their rationalizations. The key issue is the "absolute rightness" of owning a computer. EXCITED SPENDING: This is the "manic" phase of the disorder in which all self-control is abandoned and large sums of money are spent on all manner of microcomputer equipment. A previously competent, rational individual may withdraw thousands of dollars from savings to purchase a vast array of "hardware" and "software" THE SYNDROME: Following the acute manic phase, the full syndrome becomes manifest. SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL: As with most serious forms of mental disturbance, the individual becomes increasingly withdrawn, losing interest in work, food, sex, family, and so forth. He or she may be found in a fixed (or frozen) position before the computer monitor at any time of the day or night. The catatonic- like pose is broken only by occasional rapid-finger movements (RFM) over the microcomputer keyboard. persistent RFM may,in fact, be the only signs of consciousness except for occasional grunts of satisfaction or groan of frustration. SLEEP DISTURBANCE: The individual is increasingly unwilling and unable to go the bed, preferring to remain in position at the computer. In milder cases, victims are eventually led away from their computer s by a concerned family member; in more severe cases the individual is commonly found slumped in a chair the following morning with the computer equipment still running. Even when asleep, RFM may still be noted by the careful observer. PHYSICAL DETERIORATION: First to appear are strains of the musculature, particularly the neck and lower back. Eyestrain is common, along with a hollow vacant look. Lack of sufficient food, exercise, and sleep all interact, contributing to the general deterioration. MARITAL DIFFICULTIES: Withdrawal into the world of microcomputers inevitably leads to a decrement in communications among family members. This problem is rarely noticed by the victim of the disorder, but is bitterly described by the unafflicted spouse. In families where both husband and wife are afflicted, vicious fights over access to computer time are not uncommon. When the children are additionally infected, the situation becomes completely unmanageable and leads to regressions to the manic phase (that is, further microcomputer purchases "for the kids"). SYSTEMIC PROGRESSION: Not too long after onset of the illness the individual experiences an irresistible need for additional, or peripheral devices (printer, disk drive, and so forth) in order to expand into a full microcomputer system. Huge sums of money are periodically spent in efforts to satisfy this need. no more than two months after any particular purchase however, a subsequent acquisition begins to appear essential. SEPARATION ANXIETY: The individual experiences a growing dread of being separated from the microcomputer. He or she may attempt to install a system at work to complement one at home (or vice versa). When persuaded by family members to take a vacation, the victim packs the computer first. At the extreme, individuals have been known to purchase pocket-siz e portable microcomputers and to carry them around at all times. ETIOLOGY: To date, little is known about the causes of microcomputer mania. observations show it to be highly contagious, leading some medical investigators to speculate that a new strain of virus is involved. Others have suggested some genetic defect. Still others believe that a virile agent interacting with an existing genetic predisposition provides the best explanation. Experimental psychologist are attempting to explain the disorder in terms of learned behavior patterns, while psychoanalysts are speaking of early psychos dual fixations. TREATMENT: No effective treatment has been found. It is particulary unfortunate that many of the scientists needed to research this disorder have themselves fallen victim to it. Clearly, there is an urgent need for more research into this major public health problem. Mike Woolard woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu