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MANY COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS HAVE DISCOVERED A DEFINITE LACK OF COMPUTATIONAL POWER IN MOST MODERN COMPUTER LANGUAGES. OFTEN ONE SIMPLE COMMAND COULD ELIMINATE LARGE BULKY SUBROUTINES. THEREFORE, THE FOLLOWING LIST OF ADDITIONAL COMMANDS IS PROPOSED AS A NECESSARY ADDITION TO ANY PROPERLY DESIGNED SYSTEM. IT IS FELT THAT THESE COMMANDS WILL GREATLY EXPAND THE SCOPE AND POWER OF MOST TYPICAL COMPUTERS. A ===== AAC ALTER ALL COMMANDS AAR ALTER AT RANDOM AB ADD BACKWARDS ACC ADVANCE CPU CLOCK ACQT ADVANCE CLOCK TO QUITTING TIME AEE ABSOLVE ENGINEERING ERRORS AFVC ADD FINAGLE'S VARIABLE CONSTANT AI ADD IMPROPER AIB ATTACK INNOCENT BYSTANDER ANED ACCESS NON-EXISTENT DRIVE AP ABORT PROGRAMMER APA ALTER PAYROLL ACCOUNT APM ABORT PROGRAM AND MELT APMI ALTER PROGRAMMER'S MIND APT ALTER PROCESSOR TYPE ARNZ ADD AND RESET TO NON-ZERO ARZ ADD AND RESET TO ZERO ATT ALTER TRUTH TABLE AWTT ASSEMBLE WITH TINKER TOYS B ===== BAC BRANCH TO ALPHA CENTAURI BAF BLOW ALL FUSES BAH BRANCH AND HANG BB BRANCH ON BUG BBBAB BITE BAUDY BIT AND BRANCH BBI BRANCH OB BLINKING INDICATOR BCBF BRANCH ON CHIP BOX FULL BCIL BRANCH CREATING INFINITE LOOP BDC BREAK DOWN AND CRY BCR BACKSPACE CARD READER BIRM BRANCH ON INDEX REGISTER MISSING BME BULK MEMORY ERASE BMUS BEAM ME UP SCOTTY BOBOI BRANCH ON BURNED OUT INDICATOR BOHP BRIBE OPERATOR FOR HIGHER PRIORITY BPO BRANCH ON POWER OFF BSC BURST SELECTOR CHANNEL BSO BRANCH ON SLEEPY OPERATOR BSP BACKSPACE PRINTER BSST BACKSPACE AND STRETCH TAPE BTRI BRANCH TO RANDOM INSTRUCTION BW BRANCH ON WHIM BYR BYTE AND RUN C ===== CBNC CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR CCD CLEAR CORE AND DUMP CCO CALL FOR CARRY OUT CCS CHINESE CHARACTER SET CD CREATE DATA CE COMPLIMENT EVERYTHING CFD CRASH FOR DEMONSTRATION CFOLB CRASH FOR OPERATOR'S LUNCH BREAK CH CREATE HAVOC CHC CALL HAL FOR CONSULTATION CLG CONVERT LEAD TO GOLD CM CIRCULATE MEMORY CMB CREATE MACHINE BUG CMD COMPARE MEANINGLESS DATA CML COMPUTE MEANING OF LIFE CMM COMMIT MASS MURDER CNB CAUSE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN CRASH CONTINUE RUNNING AFTER STOP/HALT CRN CONVERT TO ROMAN NUMERALS CS CRASH SYSTEM CSL CURSE AND SWEAR LOUDLY CTBN CONVERT TO BASE NINE CTC COMPUTE THREES COMPLIMENT CTE CALL THE EXORCIST CTG CONVERT TO GARBAGE CUN CANCEL ALL USER NUMBERS VCF CALL VOGON CONSTRUCTION FLEET CVU CONVERT TO UNARY (BASE 1) D ===== DAO DIVIDE AND OVERFLOW DBS DUMP BULLSHIT DBZ DIVIDE BY ZERO DC DIVIDE AND CONQUER DD DESTROY DISK DDC DALLY DURING CALCULATIONS DIA DEVELOP INEFFECTIVE ADDRESS DLN DON'T LOOK NOW DMPK DESTROY MEMORY PROTECT KEY DOC DRIVE OPERATOR CRAZY DP DESTROY PROGRAM DPMI DECLARE PROGRAMMER MENTALLY INCMPT DRP DEREZ PROGRAMMER DSPK DESTROY STORAGE PROTECT KEY DTC DESTROY THIS COMMAND DTVFL DESTROY THIRD VARIABLE FROM LEFT E ===== EBH ENTER BLACK HOLE EC EAT CARD ECO ELECTROCUTE COMPUTER OPERATOR ECP ERASE CARD PUNCH ED EAT DISK EDI EXCHANGE DATA WITH INSTRUCTIONS ED/P EJECT DISK/PROGRAMMER EDPMB EXCTE DT PROCSSNG MNGR & BRANCH EFM ESCAPE FROM MUZAK EFMC EJECT FOREIGN MEMORY CARDS EIAO EXECUTE IN ANY ORDER EIOC EXECUTE INVALID OP-CODE EJD EJECT DISK EM EMULATE 407 EMW EMULATE MAYTAG WASHER ENH EXECUTE NO-OP AND HANG ENI ERASE NEXT INSTRUCTION EO EXECUTE OPERATOR EP EXECUTE PROGRAMMER EPI EXECUTE PROGRAMMER IMMEDIATE EROM ERASE READ ONLY MEMORY ESTS EXECUTE SHOCK TEST IN SOFTWARE F ===== FAI FORGET ALL INSTRUCTIONS FCJ FEED CARD AND JAM FIA FLUNK IT ALL FLI FLASH LIGHTS IMPRESSIVELY FSM FOLD SPINDLE AND MUTILATE FSRA FORM SKIP AND RUN AWAY G ===== GCAR GET CORRECT ANSWER REGARDLESS GSP GULP AND STORE PUNCH GWC GOTO WHITE CASTLE H ===== HCF HALT AND CATCH FIRE **PRIVILEGED OPERATION** HCP HIDE CENTRAL PROCESSOR HI HALT INTERMITTENTLY I ===== IA ILLOGICAL ADD IAI INQUIRE AND IGNORE IAND ILLOGICAL AND IBM INDUCE BOWEL MOVEMENT IOR ILLOGICAL OR IPM INSULT PROGRAMMER'S MOTHER IRB INVERT RECORD AND BRANCH ISCL IGNORE SUPERVISOR CALL ISCM INSERT SARCASTIC COMMENT ISF INDUCE SEXUAL FRENZY J ===== JDSM JUMP TO DARK SIDE OF THE MOON JIL JUMP IN THE LAKE JTI JUMP TO THIS INSTRUCTION JTH JUMP TO HYPERSPACE JTZ JUMP TO TWILIGHT ZONE K ===== KCE KILL CONSULTANT ON ERROR L ===== LAP LAUGH AT PROGRAM(MER) LC LOOP CONTINUOUSLY LCC LOAD AND CLEAR CORE LMB LOSE MESSAGE AND BRANCH LOS LOG OFF STUPID LP LOBOTOMIZE PROGRAMMER LPA LEAD PROGRAMMER ASTRAY LSPSW LOAD & SCRMBLE PROGRAM STATUS WORD M ===== MAM MERGE ALL MEMORY MAZ MULTIPLY ANSWER BY ZERO MC MOVE CONTINUOUS MDB MOVE AND DROP BITS ME MAXIMIZE ENTROPY MER MAXIMIZE ERROR RATE MFW MALFUNCTION WHENEVER MFWT MALFUNCTION WITHOUT TELLING MLR MOVE AND LOSE RECORD MLSB MEMORY LEFT SHIFT AND BRANCH MPTS MOVE PROGRAMMER TO TOP OF STACK MST MOUNT SCOTCH TAPE MTI MAKE TAPE INVALID MWC MOVE AND WRAP CORE N ===== ND NUKE DISK NO NUKE OPERATOR NT NUKE TAPE O ===== OAFASD OPEN ALL FILES AND STOP DRIVE OML OBEY MURPHY'S LAW OR OPTIMIZE REDUNDANCY P ===== PADZ PACK ALPHA AND DROP ZONES PAS PRINT AND SMEAR PBC PRINT AND BREAK CHAIN PBH PRINT AND BREAK HAMMER PB7 PLAY BEETHOVEN'S SEVENTH PD PUNCH DISK PI PUNCH INVALID PIC PRINT IN CHINESE PIRI PRINT IN RED INK PIII PRINT IN INVISIBLE INK PLSC PERFORM LIGHT SHOW ON CONSOLE PNR PRINT NASTY REPLY PO PUNCH OPERATOR POF PUNCH ON FLY PPSW PACK PROGRAM STATUS WORD PU PURGE UNIVERSE R ===== RA RANDOMIZE ANSWER RAC RETURN TO ALPHA CENTAURI RAE ROTATE A-REGISTER ENDLESSLY RASC READ AND SHRED CARD RBG RANDOM BUG GENERATOR RBL REPEAL BOOLE'S LAWS RBT REWIND AND BREAK TAPE RC READ CHAOS RCB READ COMMANDS BACKWARDS RCKG READ COUNT-KEY AND GARBAGE RDA REFUSE TO DISCLOSE ANSWER RDI REVERSE DRUM IMMEDIATE RDW REDESIGN THE WHEEL RFP RUN FOR PRESIDENT RID READ INVALID DATA RIE RANDOMLY INJECT ERRORS RIRG READ INTER-RECORD GAP RM REINITIALIZE METER RNITI REPLACE NEXT INSTRUCTION WITH THIS INSTRUCTION RNR READ NOISE RECORD RP READ PRINTER RPAB READ, PRINT, AND BLUSH RPB REVERSE PARITY AND BRANCH RPD RUIN PROGRAMMER'S DAY RPM READ PROGRAMMER'S MIND RRSGWSSNK ROUND AND ROUND SHE GOES, WHERE SHE STOPS, NOBODY KNOWS RT REDUCE THROUGHPUT RTZ RETURN TO TWILIGHT ZONE RWRT READ AND WRITE WHILE RIPPING TAPE RWTM RANDOM WRITE TO MEMORY S ===== SAI SKIP ALL INSTRUCTIONS SAF SET ANSWER TO FORTY-TWO SC SCRAMBLE CHANNELS SCOCA SHORT CIRCUIT ON CORRECT ANSWER SCP SCATTER PRINT SFH SET FLAGS TO HALFMAST SFT STALL FOR TIME SIA SCRAMBLE INTERRUPT ADDRESS SIP STORE INDEFINITE PRECISION SLD SLIP DISK SLP SHARPEN LIGHT PENCIL SMS SHRINK MEMORY SIZE SOS SIGN OFF, STUPID SP STERILIZE PROGRAMMER SPDD SPIN DRY DISK SPSW SCRAMBLE PROGRAM STATUS WORD SPTG SHORT POWER TO GROUND SRCC SELECT READER AND CHEW CARDS SROU SHIFT RIGHT ONE UNIVERSE **TIMELORDS ONLY** SRSD SEEK RECORD AND SCAR DISK SRZ SUBTRACT AND RESET TO ZERO SSD STACKER SELECT DISK SSJ STACKER SELECT AND JAM SU STACKER UPSET T ===== TBIC THE BOSS IS COMING TDB TRANSFER AND DROP BITS TLR TRANSFER AND LOSE RETURN TOMC THROW OUT MEMORY CONTENTS TOW TAKE OVER WORLD TPD TRIPLE PACK DECIMAL TSH TRAP SECRETARY AND HALT TTA TRY TRY AGAIN U ===== UCPUB UNCOUPLE CPU AND BRANCH UER UPDATE AND ERASE RECORD UNPD UNPLUG AND DUMP UPP UTILIZE PYRAMID POWER UR2 UPLINK TO R2-D2 UT UPDATE TRANSACTION W ===== WAPP WASTE ALL PRINTER PAPER WAS WHISTLE AT SECRETARY WCKG WRITE COUNT-KEY AND GARBAGE WNR WRITE NOISE RECORD WOP WIPE OUT PROGRAM WRI WRITE RANDOM INCONSEQUENTIAL WSWW WORK IN STRANGE AND WONDROUS WAYS WWLR WRITE WRONG-LENGTH RECORD Z ===== ZAM ZERO ALL MEMORY THE REALM OF THE UNHOLY 7/14/85 H.C.O.S. 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