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Date: 11 Jun 1985 00:35 EDT (Tue)
From: "Robert H. Kassel" <rob%MIT-OZ@MIT-MC.ARPA>
To: jokers%MIT-OZ@MIT-MC.ARPA
Subject: [uucp: net.jokes]
_______________________________________________________________________________
It seems that my original posting of the purity test did not quite survive
the network so here it is again in completely unrotated form. If you are
terribly offended by the fact that this filth is unrotated ... good for you!
(I'm not.)
TM
Again, if you have access to Scribe and a reasonable laser printer, I can
send you the source file so you can distribute this to all of your friends.
ARPA: (see below)
UUCP: seismo!hua@cmu-cs-gandalf.arpa
CSNET: hua%cmu-cs-gandalf.csnet@csnet-relay.arpa
_______________________________________________________________________________
Live long and have gvood zegz!
Keebler { hua@cmu-cs-gandalf.arpa }
-----------------------------------CUT HERE------------------------------------
_______________________________________________________________________________
THE UNISEX, OMNISEXUAL
P U R I T Y T E S T
_______________________________________________________________________________
Version 3.5A (400)
Final Release
13-Apr-1985
_______________________________________________________________________________
Public domain; no copyright. All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed. Up with
going down. The risen flesh commands: let there be love. Murphy's law on sex:
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics. Chaste makes waste.
Virginity can be cured.
This document was not sponsored by the Department of Defense Advanced Research
Projects Agency, and was not monitored by the Air Force Avionics Laboratory.
The views and conclusions contained in this document should not be interpreted
as representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the
Defense Advanced Projects Agency or the US Government. Neither should it be
interpreted nor inferred that the authors/contributors have actually performed
any of the actions contained herein.
_______________________________________________________________________________
N O T I C E
_______________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer of Liability
The user of this test acknowledges, understands, and agrees that sex is a
hazardous sport; that a person must copulate in control, and use good judgement
at all times; that their partner's condition vary constantly and are greatly
affected by weather changes and previous use, that dirty sheets, variations in
terrain and bed surfaces, spouses/pimps/managers, forest growth, rocks and
debris, clothed obstacles, and many other natural and man-made obstacles and
hazards, including other users and customers, exist throughout the bedroom
area. Personal managers (pimps/spouses) and sado-masochistic operations and
equipment are constantly in use and may be hazardous to customers not
copulating in control. Impotence, collisions, and social diseases resulting in
injury can happen at any time, even to customers copulating in control with
proper sexual equipment. Inherent and other risks are part of the sport and
exist in your partner. As a condition of being permitted to use the facilities
of your sex object, the user of the partner agrees to copulate in control and
within the limits of his/her ability and further acknowledges and accepts these
hazards, dangers, and risks and assumes the risk of injury or loss to person or
damage to property which might result from the customer's use of the partner's
facilities.
As a further condition of being permitted to use the facilities of your
partner, the customer understands and agrees (1) that in the event of a
transfer of use by another or anything else in the management's opinion is
misconduct, misuse, kinky, impotence, or nuisance, this service may be revoked
without refund; (2) that the partner is the property of the harem and, upon
request, he/she must be presented to any authorized representative of the
pimp/spouse; (3) that sexual equipment must be visibly displayed at all times
when you are in any bedroom and when approaching the bed to copulate.
Your sexual partner is not transferable; see Theft of Services, V.S.A.,
sections 2581 and 2582.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Genesis - History
ver last revise #of q revision site/contributors
1 - - 100 MIT Baker House/anon
1 - -1982 100 Ported to CMU by ps
2 Spring-1983 247 CMU/jb, pd, kr, ps, ts, mt, et al
3 13-Apr-1985 400 CMU/da, fa, tc, no, dt, sv, rz, et al
Version 1 (100) Created at MIT. Two parallel versions; one for male,
and one for female. Not much is known about this version.
Version 2 (247) Expanded to 247 questions. This marked the beginning of
the unisex versions. The story goes that they intended it to be
250 questions, but got tired that night and said "we'll think
of three more tomorrow", and tomorrow never got there.
Version 3.3C.1 (400) on 05-Dec-1984
First formal release general of this test, version 3.xx. All
former version were short-lived and tended to be bug ridden.
Does not discriminate against gays or bi's. Good correspondence
of scores (especially in the higher score ranges) between this
version and version 2. Added in Genesis/History section.
Version 3.4 (400) on 29-Jan-1985
Internal version; never released. Source code accidentally
destroyed, much to the consternation of one of the authors.
Cleaned up many bugs. Added sections: Disclaimer of Liability,
Instructions for Use, Scoring, and Warranty Information.
Version 3.5 (400) on 10-Apr-1985
Rebuilt from the 3.3C.1 source and the 3.4 (only surviving
copy) of the Xerox X9700 laser printer hardcopy. Cleaned up
same bugs in 3.4; wiped out a duplicate question; The page
number was moved from top of the page to the bottom center;
this was to avoid problems trying to coordinate duplex/simplex
printing by other people and the positioning of odd/even page
numbers. Added in verbose history section.
Version 3.5A (400) on 13-Apr-1985
Found that we had 431 questions instead of 400. After an
all-night hack session, discovered that the problem lies with
the version 4 (1400)-1 of Scribe and how it treats @section
headers and @begin(text). Ended up making the pageheading
contain a Scribe version field. Also had to add in an extra
token @newpage on the page that the questions start; this was
to preserve the last of the @style[pagenumber (@A)] page
numbers, preserve the same in the Table of Contents, force the
page number to be 1, make sure that the Contents get that
right, and to force @pageheading and @pagefooting.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Instructions for Use
This is a fairly long test consisting of four hundred (400 , CD ,
10 Roman
110010000 , 620 , 190 , 103000.100 ). It starts out tame and gets
2 8 16 Pi
progressively worse, or better, depending on your viewpoint. There are many
ways of going about taking this test. You can, of course, as your right,
guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself in your
room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the funnest way
to utilize this test if to hold a Purity Test Party. All you need is one (1 ,
10
I , 1 , 1 , 1 , 1 ) (read my lips: one) copy of the test, and a bunch of
Roman 2 8 16 Pi
friends. (No doubt lots of writing implements and paper would be useful too.)
The person with the copy of the test will be the test administrator; he/she
will read the questions out loud and everybody else will write down their
answers. We have no definite rules as to whether the participants are required
to divulge their answers, that is up to the group to decide; however, each
person's purity score should be made common knowledge. (The person with the
highest score gets to be giggled at for the rest of his/her life.) This works
great at parties and lets everybody know who's easy and who isn't, so you'll
know who to go home with. Don't leave home without it.
All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened to you
subsequent to your weaning and babyhood infancy. Anything that may have
happened before such time is considered not standing and void; it's a null
point. The term mutual masturbation refers to someone masturbating you AND/OR
you masturbating someone else, not exclusively someone masturbating you AND you
masturbating them. We would also like to define having sex in the homosexual
case; homosexual sex has occurred when you and/or your partner (of the same
sex) have an orgasm while there is some contact between the genitals of you and
those of your partner.
We would now like to bring to your attention that there is no passing nor
failing score. Therefore, one really shouldn't worry too much about getting a
high score, even if you do get giggled at for the rest of your life.
_______________________________________________________________________________
--- ALL TECHNICALITIES COUNT ---
_______________________________________________________________________________
For this section, if you are mostly a:
- heterosexual, then the your partner in deed, often referred to
by the words someone or partner, is to be someone of the
opposite gender.
- homosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by the
words someone or partner, is to be someone of your own gender.
- 50-50 confirmed bisexual, then your partner in deed, often
referred to by the words someone or partner, is to be someone
of the opposite gender.
1. Platonic Relations
Have you ever done any of the following:
1. kissed a friend or stranger on their hands or their head/neck region
as a friendly gesture?
2. held hands with someone?
3. had a date?
4. had a date past 1 a.m.?
5. dated someone on a regular basis?
6. picked someone up?
7. been picked up?
8. gone steady?
9. slow danced?
10. had the symptoms of Russian(Note 1) fingers?
11. had the symptoms of Roman(Note 2) hands?
12. shared a bed, sleeping bag, or sleeping accommodations with someone
without anything steamy happenings?
13. given a back or neck rub or massage with no ulterior motive?
14. used tickling as a pick-up, get-to-know-you-better routine?
15. directly asked someone whom you were not going out with and had
never gone out with if they were a virgin?
16. used physical strength, physical power, or any physical prowess, or
prowesslessness as a factor in pick-up, get-to-know-you-better
routine?
17. secretly lusted after someone without that person knowing?
18. dropped subtle hints to someone whom you liked/loved/wanted, hoping
that they would pick up on it?
_______________________________________________________________________________
Although this section is termed Auto-erotica and mono-sexualism, the
events herein still count even if you are with someone else at the
time. It was so named because predominantly these activities, like
the harp, (and the porcelain goddess) is essentially a solo event.
2. Auto-erotica and Mono-sexualism
Have you ever done the following:
19. had an arousing dream? (Wet dreams and the such.)
20. been sexually aroused?
21. uttered/muttered/yelled/screamed (or in other words verbally
expressed) obscenities?
22. fantasized about your long-term instructor, mentor, or someone who
is superior to you? (One day skydiving teachers, or two hour ski
instructors and the such do not count.)
23. fantasized about your lawyer, doctor, nurse, psychiatrist or someone
with whom you are having a professional relationship with?
24. fantasized about someone you know personally but not closely?
25. fantasized about anyone and masturbated at the same time?
26. read or bought pornographic periodicals?
27. read sexually explicit literature?
28. gone skinny dipping alone?
29. made obscene phone calls?
30. phoned up any recorded phone sex numbers? (e.g. (212)976-2626,
(212)976-2727, (212)976-2828, etc. Please note that these are fifty
cent calls in addition to toll charges and long distance charges.)
31. phoned up any live phone sex numbers?
32. stuffed your bra if you are female, or stuffed your pants if you are
male?
33. shaved your genital pubic hair?
34. shaved your genital pubic hair on a fairly regular basis?
35. masturbated?
36. masturbated at least five times in one twenty-four hour period?
37. masturbated on a fairly regular basis of no less than once a
fortnight?
38. masturbated where you could have been discovered? (In a crowd, in
public, city parks, gym/dorm/barracks showers, movie theater, etc.)
39. masturbated out in the wilds or in nature with no nearby
civilization?
40. masturbated to orgasm?
41. masturbated while reading either pornographic or sexually explicit
materials?
42. masturbated while driving a moving, land vehicle? (Car, RV, truck,
motorcycle, hearse, etc.)
43. masturbated while on the phone? (No kinky interpretations of on the
phone. This is legit.)
44. masturbated while in a bathroom of the opposite sex?
45. masturbated while watching an R or X-rated show?
46. seen any burlesque show? (Rocky Horror counts)
47. been to a peep show?
48. been to a private showing of a pornographic movie?
49. seen a pornographic movie in a theater?
50. walked around in your room/apartment/house/habitation in the nude?
(Must be a serious walk; five minutes of going around trying to find
your undies after a shower doesn't make it.)
51. walked around in a public or semi-public area with a top (shirt,
T-shirt, etc) but no bottoms (pants, shorts, etc)? (Dorm hallways,
lobby areas, etc. are acceptable; however locker rooms and bathrooms
and such place where this behavior is not proscribed does not
count.)
52. bought blatant sexual objects? (This means that if you buy a bottle
tm
of Coke and you use it as a dildo, it really doesn't count. Think:
design and function.)
53. owned any erotic art pieces? (Like that phallic symbol in the cat
woman scene in A Clockwork Orange.)
54. sculpted erotic-obscene artworks in food (predominantly bananas,
carrots, apples...)?
55. eaten any erotic food items? (Chocolate tits, banana dicks, etc.)
56. sculpted erotic-obscene artworks in soap, wood, or any other
carvable material (that isn't food)?
57. made an X or R-rated snowman or snow-woman?
58. tasted your own orgasmic liquids?
59. inserted your finger into your rectum?
60. used ben-wa balls(Note 3)?
61. performed oral sex on yourself? (Yes, this is possible.)
62. willingly urinated on the garments that you were wearing at the
time? (In other words: piss in your pants; wet yourself; had an
accident.)
63. willingly urinated on any part of your body?
64. willingly defecated on the garments that you were wearing at the
time? (In other words: shit in your pants; had a serious accident.)
65. willingly defecated on yourself? (In other words: sick.)
_______________________________________________________________________________
3. Legislative Misfits and Other Ethical Questions
Have you ever done any of the following:
66. administered a whole Purity Test or are in the process of
administering a whole Purity Test of any version? (That's where you
are the test administrator in a Purity Test Party. See Instructions
for Use for further information.)
67. taken Purity Tests of any versions more than 5 times?
68. lied on any previous Purity Tests?
69. exaggerated about any sexual experiences?
70. broken your word, promise, or vow?
71. written graffitti?
72. plagiarized?
73. shoplifted?
74. stolen?
75. made out a check that bounced?
76. committed breaking and entering?
77. told someone that you loved them when you did not?
78. told someone that you loved them strictly because you wanted to have
sex with them?
79. fantasized about someone else other than your partner while you were
engaged in sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
80. intentionally listened in onto other people having sex, oral sex, or
mutual masturbation without their knowing it?
81. used alcohol to lower someone else's inhibitions for the intent of
sex or oral sex?
82. used drugs to lower someone else's inhibitions for the intent of sex
or oral sex?
83. forced or coerced someone into having intimate physical relations
with you?
84. had dates with more than one person in the same night while one or
more of the people involved were not aware of your actions?
85. gone steady with two or more people at the same time with one or
more of the people unaware of what you were doing?
86. gone steady with two or more people at the same time with all of
them knowing that you were doing it?
87. urinated on someone else intentionally? (Piss fights!)
88. urinated in cup, bottle, pitcher or any such receptacle that was not
originally designed for such purpose excepting urinalysis incidents?
89. urinated anywhere other than a bathroom, outhouse, tree, bush or any
commonly accepted piss hole? (For instance: in the kitchen sink, or
in the family car's glove compartment.)
90. urinated from higher than the fifth floor, or equivalent height,
above ground level out of a building or off a bridge or any such
permanent structure (e.g. the Grand Canyon)?
91. defecated anywhere other than a bathroom, outhouse or any commonly
accepted shit hole? (Camping/hiking trips in which bathroom/outhouse
access are nil do not count.)
92. stored any excretia in your refrigerator, oven, or any food
storage/preparation appliance?
93. stored evacuated excretia anywhere else in your room, apartment,
house, habitation, office, etc?
94. entered a bathroom of the opposite sex and was not accompanied by
someone of the opposite sex and was not involved in a search and/or
rescue mission at the time?
95. mooned or goosed(Note 4) someone?
96. streaked, flashed, or otherwise exposed pretty much totally yourself
in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of
people?
97. streaked, flashed, or otherwise exposed pretty much totally yourself
in public before a formal (official) gathering of people? (Such as
for a function, stage performance, charity dinner, etc.)
98. been arrested? (Picture taken and all that wonderful, free stuff.)
99. received money or some favor to have sex, oral sex, or mutual
masturbation?
100. given money or some favor to have sex, oral sex, or mutual
masturbation?
101. thought you might be or might have unintentionally caused someone to
be pregnant?
102. had or gave someone an unwanted pregnancy?
103. had sex while either you or your partner but not both were under the
age of consent of the state that you were in then?
104. given a sympathy fuck?
105. initiated sex with someone for the sake of sex only?
106. willingly committed incest?
107. been involved in adultery?
108. stolen the underwear of someone you know for a purpose other than
that of a practical joke or to just ire the person? (A bunch of guys
invading the women's dorm on a mission of panty raids does not
count.)
109. intentionally taken someone's underwear and didn't know who it
belonged to?
_______________________________________________________________________________
4. Drugs
Have you ever done any of the following:
110. had an alcoholic drink?
111. been intoxicated?
112. threw-up from too much alcohol?
113. passed out due to excessive alcohol?
114. forgotten events that occurred while you were drunk?
115. smoked tobacco?
116. chewed tobacco?
117. bought controlled/illicit drugs, or any compound scheduled by the
DEA, in violation of the law?
118. sold or re-sold controlled/illicit substances, or any compound
scheduled by the DEA, in violation of the law?
119. taken stimulants?
120. taken depressants excluding alcohol?
121. inhaled nitrous oxide (NO ) while not visiting a dentist?
2
122. inhaled anything containing butyl nitrate?
123. taken valium?
124. smoked marijuana/sensemilia?
125. smoked marijuana/sensemilia more than four times?
126. eaten marijuana/sensemilia?
127. eaten marijuana or sensemilia more than four times?
128. taken opiate in any form?
129. taken opiate in any form more than twice?
130. used cocaine?
131. used cocaine more than four times?
132. injected any drugs into your body for any other purpose other than
medical?
133. injected any one drug into your body for any purpose other than that
of medical more than twice?
134. taken PCP?
135. taken PCP more than twice?
136. taken d-lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD-25), peyote, or psilocybin?
137. taken LSD, peyote, or psilocybin more than twice?
138. taken LSD more than six times?
139. deliberately injured yourself so as to obtain medication?
140. played any games in which there was a mystery as to who would be
getting drugs and who wouldn't, yet everybody plays in it? (e.g.
Who's got the pill, where half the cups (of soda) would have LSD in
it and the other half wouldn't and everybody picks a cup and drinks
it and wonders who gets lucky.)
141. had sex while using cocaine?
142. had sex while under the influence of marijuana/sensemilia?
143. had sex while under the influence of LSD, peyote, or psilocybin?
_______________________________________________________________________________
For this section, it you are mostly a:
- heterosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by
the words someone or partner, is to be someone of the opposite
gender.
- homosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by the
words someone or partner, is to be someone of your own gender.
- 50-50 confirmed bisexual, then your partner in deed, often
referred to by the words someone or partner, is to be someone
of the opposite gender.
5. Non Platonic
Have you done any of the following:
144. propositioned someone for necking or petting?
145. propositioned someone for sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
146. pinched or patted someone else's buttocks?
147. french kissed?
148. been kissed below the neck but not including arms or hands?
149. kissed someone else below the neck but not including arms or hands?
150. necked?
151. petted above the waist?
152. petted below the waist?
153. kissed on the first date?
154. necked on the first date?
155. petted above the waist on the first date?
156. petted below the waist on the first date?
157. given a hickey?
158. received a hickey?
159. fondled or stroked someone else's clothed legs?
160. fondled or stroked someone else's bare legs?
161. fondled or stroked someone else's frontal chest/torso region?
162. had your frontal chest/torso region fondled or stroked?
163. been involved with pelvic thrusting while fully clothed?
164. had your fingers licked or sucked?
165. had your ear or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked, or
nibbled?
166. licked, breathed onto, sucked, or nibbled an ear or ear region?
167. licked or sucked someone else's finger(s)?
168. fondled someone who was asleep?
169. given a back massage with ulterior motives?
170. given a back massage that lead to something steamier?
171. seen someone else completely nude and the person was under good
lighting conditions?
172. been seen completely nude under good lighting condition by someone
else?
173. been in someone's company while both of you were completely nude?
174. bathed or showered with someone?
175. let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing
it yourself. (This means that it doesn't count if you were in the
hospital with two broken arms and the nurse washed you, no matter
how cute she is.)
176. gone skinny dipping in mixed company?
177. been involved with the stroking or fondling of a woman's clothed
breast?
178. been involved with the stroking or fondling of a woman's bare
breast?
179. licked, sucked, or nibbled on someone else's nipple?
180. had your nipple licked, sucked, or nibbled upon?
181. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's
covered genitals?
182. had your covered genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise
handled?
183. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's bare
genitals?
184. had your bare genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise
handled?
185. had an orgasm while petting?
186. given your partner an orgasm while petting?
187. given or received finger scratch marks?
188. performed oral sex?
189. received oral sex?
190. done sixty-nine(Note 5)?
191. performed mutual masturbation?
192. had sex? (No need for orgasm; penetration counts.)
193. had sex on the first date?
194. had sex without the use of birth control devices? (Rhythm, prayer
and hope methods do not count.)
195. had sex with a virgin? (Not yourself.)
196. had sex with a religious officiary. (Priest, nun, mother-superior,
cardinal, pope, etc.)
_______________________________________________________________________________
This section of the test deals with whether you have done things with
people whom you may not be altogether comfortable, therefore in this
section of the test, if you are mostly a:
- heterosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by
the words someone or partner, is to be someone of your own
gender.
- homosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by the
words someone or partner, is someone of the opposite gender.
- 50-50 confirmed bisexual, then your partner in deed, often
referred to by the words someone or partner, is to be someone
of your own gender.
6. Non Primary Choice Relations
Have you ever done any of the following:
197. held hands or otherwise displayed public affection?
198. kissed someone on the lips?
199. french kissed someone?
200. necked?
201. petted?
202. received manual sex?
203. given manual sex?
204. received oral sex?
205. given oral sex
206. had sex?
207. had anal sex? (The use of fingers or any phallic objects in this
case would also count.)
208. done 69?
209. propositioned someone for sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
210. yielded willingly to a proposition from someone for sex, oral sex,
or mutual masturbation?
211. been a participant in a who's-physically-better-equipped
verification contest? (Contestants must be of same gender;
spectators, judges, umpires, and verifiers may be of different
gender.)
212. gave money or favors for sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
213. received money or favors for sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
214. fondled someone who was asleep?
215. attempted to seduce someone?
216. allowed yourself to be seduced?
217. had an orgasm while petting?
218. gave your partner an orgasm while petting?
219. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation with more than 10 people?
220. stroked or fondled the clothed legs of someone?
221. stroked or fondled the bare legs of someone?
222. stroked or fondled the clothed chest/torso region of someone?
223. stroked or fondled the bare chest/torso region of someone?
224. stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled the clothed genitals of
someone else?
225. stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled the bare genitals of someone
else?
226. been in a menage-a-trois of people of the same sex?
_______________________________________________________________________________
For any of the questions in this section, a yes answer is in order if it
is something that you do as an alternative to other sexual
gratifications or as an aid and/or in conjunction with other means
of sexual gratification, or in other words, have you done it in a
serious basis? Trying it a few times to see what it's like does no
count.
7. Alternate Choices
Do any of the following apply:
227. been decidedly heterosexual?
228. been decidedly homosexual?
229. been decidedly bisexual?
230. practiced bestiality(Note 6)?
231. practiced transvesticism?
232. practiced sadism(Note 7)?
233. practiced masochism(Note 8)?
234. practiced bondage?
235. practiced domination?
236. practiced submission?
237. practiced sodomy(Note 9)?
238. practiced cocrophilia(Note 10)?
239. practiced frotteurism(Note 11)?
240. practiced klismaphilia(Note 12)?
241. practiced necrophilia(Note 13)?
242. practice mysophilia(Note 14)?
243. practice scoptophilia(Note 15)?
244. practiced urophilia(Note 16)?
245. owned an underwear collection of underwears not belonging to you?
246. been a foot fetishist to any degree?
247. been a voyeur(Note 17)?
248. been an exhibitionist?
_______________________________________________________________________________
This section relates to what you have or have not done. Accordingly, the
group of people we are speaking of are of both genders. In questions
where groups of people are concerned, there must be at least one
person in the group who is of the opposite gender.
8. Group Sexual Relations
Have you ever done any of the following:
249. listened to dirty jokes in mixed company?
250. told dirty jokes in mixed company?
251. discussed masturbation? (Bringing up the topic of masturbation
during Purity Testing does not cut it as discussed masturbation.)
252. played a game in which it may require you or others to disrobe
themselves?
253. played a game in which it may require you or others to perform an
action on another participant?
254. been in intimate contact with more than one person at the same time
while all of you were nude?
255. had sex with more than 10 people?
256. had sex with more than 1 person in a 24 hour period?
257. had sex with both genders in a 24 hour period?
258. been in a bisexual/heterosexual menage-a-trois(Note 18)?
259. had sex or oral sex with a person and his/her parent?
260. had sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, necking, or petting with a
person and his/her sibling?
261. been involved in a two (or more) in one?
262. been involved in a gang bang? (Step right up; come and get it while
it's hot.)
263. been in a circle of fuck?
264. been in a 69 circle?
265. been to a (cooking, baby, Wesson) oil party?
266. participated in a heterosexual orgy or been involved in group sex?
(Four people or more; partners must be exchanged.)
267. participated in a bisexual orgy or group sex? (Four people or more;
partners must be exchanged.)
268. participated in a fuck-a-thon(Note 19)? (Where the object is to see
how many times you can do it in the certain amount of time.)
This section measures your kinkiness. Therefore, the questions apply to
both actions and events occurring while you were alone as well as
when you were with someone else.
_______________________________________________________________________________
9. Extracurricular, deviant conduct
9.1. Non sentient objects
Have you ever done any of the following:
tm
269. used a bowling pin, Coke bottle, or something along those general
shapes for masturbatory or sexual purposes?
270. masturbated using the aid of food?
271. eaten the food used in masturbation after masturbation?
272. eaten a lab dissection?
273. inserted food into yours or someone else's anus?
274. eaten the food after it was extracted/evacuated from yours or
someone else's anus?
275. received an enema for a purpose than that of medical?
276. used a basket, garbage can, or any other comparable sized receptacle
for target practice masturbation?
277. used a mechanical hand-holdable device in aiding or replacing
masturbation? (Vibrator, massager, Dust-Buster, vacuum cleaner,
etc.)
278. used a feather or any other tickling device for the purpose of
tickling?
279. used ice for sexual purposes?
280. used whipped cream for sexual purposes?
281. used hot/melted wax for sexual purposes?
282. put food, gravy, syrup, salad dressing, candy, peanut butter, honey
or anything else edible on your partner's body and then eaten it?
283. used any household syrup, sandwich spreading, oil, salad dressing,
or any like substances for sexual purposes?
284. used ropes, chains, cuffs or any other such device for bondage
purposes?
285. used a whip, chain, cat-o-nine-tails, or something similar for pain?
286. worn a leather/grore suit?
287. used an inflatable doll?
288. humped an inanimate object like a pillow, (dinner) liver, hole in
the wall, sausages, bananas, etc?
289. had sex or oral sex with a dead person?
290. inserted a small animal or creature into your rectum? (Either alive
or dead.)
291. had sex, or oral sex with your (dead) dinner animal or creature?
292. attempted to have sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a
live animal, but failed?
293. had sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a smallish animal?
(Dogs, cats, rabbits, lab rats, gerbils, etc.)
294. had sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a wild animal?
(Tigers, elephants, cougars, snakes, aardvarks, etc.)
295. had sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a domesticated farm
animal? (Cow, pig, chicken, sheep, etc.)
296. mutilated any living animal or creature for your pleasures?
297. had sex with a live animal? (Any size.) [These three questions
differ from those above in that ones above measure your variation in
animal choice, and the questions down here measure what you do with
the animals.]
298. received oral sex from a live animal? (Any size.)
299. gave oral sex to a live animal? (Any size.)
300. had sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with a single type
animal more than once? (Alive or dead.)
301. had sex, oral sex, or (mutual) masturbation with more than one kind
of animal? (Alive or dead.)
302. cross dressed in the undergarments of the opposite sex for a sexual
purpose? (This means that school plays, initiations, and the such
don't count.)
303. stuffed your pants or bra while you were cross-dressed for your
sexual purpose?
304. had your head inserted into a urinal or toilet bowl willingly?
(Doing this in a pristine, show-room model does not count.)
305. worn an groinal underwear on your head? (Panties, jock-strap, etc.)
306. eaten, sucked, licked, nibbled, or otherwise inserted unwashed, used
crotch piece of underwear into your mouth while the said underwear
was not being worn at the time?
307. deliberately sniffed or smelled the crotch piece of unwashed, used
underwear while it was not being worn at the time?
308. played in or with shit?
309. worn or used a condom, or any feminine hygiene contraption that has
already been used by someone else?
_______________________________________________________________________________
This section tries to figure out how many places you have done it. It
applies only to those situations in which you were with someone
else.
9.2. Locality
Have you ever done any of the following:
310. necked or petted in a place of religion? (Church, temple, altar,
Grand Holy Cabbage Head Patch, etc.)
311. had sex, been involved in oral sex or mutual masturbation in a place
of religion?
312. had sex, been involved in oral sex or mutual masturbation in a place
of the dead? (Morgue, mortuary, cemetery, etc.)
313. necked or petted in a place of the dead?
314. had sex, been involved in oral sex, or mutual masturbation in a
contraption of the dead? (Coffin, hearse, etc.)
315. necked or petted in a contraption of the dead?
316. had sex, been involved in oral sex or mutual masturbation in a car,
station wagon, van, minivan, minibus, fuckmobile, or any moderately
sized, land-road based vehicle not in excess of 30,000 pounds net
unladen gross weight?
317. necked or petted in a car, station wagon, van, minivan, minibus,
fuckmobile, or any moderately sized, land-road based vehicle not in
excess of 30,000 pounds net unladen gross weight?
318. had sex, been involved in oral sex or mutual masturbation in a
land-road based vehicle in excess of 30,000 pounds net unladen gross
weight? (Truck, tank, armored vehicle, road-roller, etc.)
319. necked or petted in a land-road based vehicle in excess of 30,000
pounds net unladen gross weight?
320. had sex been involved in oral sex or mutual masturbation in a land
based, non road dependant vehicle? (Train, subway, roller-coaster,
etc.)
321. had sex, received oral sex, been masturbated, performed oral sex,
masturbated someone else, necked, or petted in a water based,
vehicular transport medium locomoted by manual power? (Row boat,
surfboard, floating bathtub, etc. While it may be true that the
surfboard, or whatever, need not be in water at the time, we are
making it the case here; so for it to be valid point, the thing must
be in the water at the time.)
322. had sex, received oral sex, been masturbated, performed oral sex,
masturbated someone else, necked, or petted in a water based, wind
or propeller driven transport medium not in excess of 80 feet?
(Yacht, PT boat, etc.)
323. had sex, received oral sex, been masturbated, performed oral sex,
masturbated someone else, necked, or petted in a water based, wind
or propeller driven transport medium that is in excess of 80 feet?
(Ship, battleship, aircraft carrier, nuclear submarine, etc.)
324. had sex, received oral sex, been masturbated, performed oral sex,
masturbated someone else, necked, or petted in an aircraft?
(Airplane, helicopter, hovercraft, balloon, zeppelin, flying carpet,
flying saucer, etc.)
325. had sex in a household room other than a bedroom?
326. had sex on the floor (but not the roof)?
327. had sex on any furniture that is indoors but is not a bed, table,
desk, counter-top, a nor anything that is predominantly used for
sitting, or to be used as a table/desk?
328. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation in a telephone booth, voting booth, automatic
photograph takers, or any such small, non-moving enclosure that was
not designed for such activities?
329. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation in an elevator, people-mover, escalator, or any
building internal people moving device?
330. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation up a tree but not in a tree house or similar structure?
331. had sex participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation on a roof of a building in excess of 5 floors?
332. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation inside or within the confines of a hedge, bush, other
natural vegetation which can provide a wall effect, cave, rock
overhang, in a well, or any other secluded, outdoor, non-vegetative
shielding structure?
333. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation in the snow? (Spring thaw
acceptable.)
334. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation in a place where the
prevailing, ambient temperature (of the air immediately surrounding
you) was below the freezing point of water?
335. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual
masturbation in a place where you could have been discovered?
336. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation in a water-filled
bath-tub, hot tub, under a shower, running water (as in waterfalls,
tropical, torrential downpour, monsoons, etc.)?
337. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation in a body of water?
(swimming pool, swimming hole, pond, lake, lagoon, sea, ocean, etc)
338. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation in a bathroom of the
opposite sex?
_______________________________________________________________________________
9.3. Style
Have you ever done any of the following:
339. watched while someone else masturbated?
340. orgasmed on somebody?
341. orgasmed in somebody if you are a male or had someone orgasm in you
if you are a female?
342. been involved in the use of a penis as a leash or bludgeoning
device?
343. been involved in oxygen deprivation for sexual enhancement?
(Nitrous oxide does not count.)
344. willingly made video tapes or had pictures taken while having sex,
oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
345. willingly made audio recordings while having sex, oral sex, or
mutual masturbation?
346. talked dirty while having sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
347. intentionally made more noise than necessary while having sex, oral
sex, or mutual masturbation so as to put on a good show for whoever
may be listening in?
348. had a family pet or domesticated animal walk over you or your
partner during sex?
349. had a general emergency arise while you were steeped in sex? (Such
as: house on fire, flash flood, private plane crash lands in your
dwelling...)
350. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation with someone in which
there is an age difference of more than 10 years?
351. taken nude pictures of someone else?
352. had nude pictures of you taken?
353. been involved in breast fucking?
354. participated in fist-fucking?
355. had sex for more than three hours in a single session of sex?
356. been bruised during sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
357. bruised someone else during sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
358. been injured during sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
359. orgasmed more the three times in one session of sex?
360. disturbed other people by the making of excessive noise while you
and your partner were having sex?
361. had sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation while you were driving
(the car or boat or whatever vehicle)?
362. had sex doggie fashion?
363. had sex in the female superior position?
364. had sex sitting up?
365. had sex standing up?
366. had sex upside-down?
367. gone through two or more sexual positions without the need for
re-entry?
368. fell asleep during sex?
369. woken up to someone having sex with you?
370. given or received a hickey on your upper, inner thigh?
371. been on the receiving of anal sex?
372. been on the ramming end of anal sex?
373. had sex more than 10 times with 1 person?
374. had sex more than 5 times in a 24 hour period?
375. had sex more than 10 times in a 24 hour period?
376. had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in masturbation
while someone other than your partner was watching?
377. had sex or oral sex while one or both of you were playing a musical
instrument, hacked, watched television, read, drawn or in other
words were preoccupied with something other than sex and lust?
378. performed oral sex after intercourse without washing or douching?
379. kissed your partner on the lips after oral sex without brushing
teeth, nor washing/gargling/rinsing out mouth?
380. inflicted pain during sex?
381. drawn blood by biting during sex? (Hickeys do not count as having
drawn blood.)
382. been involved in cunnilingus(Note 20) during the woman's period?
383. had sex during the woman's period?
384. foot masturbated someone?
385. been foot masturbated?
386. tongue bathed someone?
387. been tongue bathed?
388. licked or sucked on someone else's feet and/or toes?
389. had your feet and/or toes licked or sucked by someone else?
390. licked someone's anus?
391. licked someone's anus while they were defecating?
392. performed oral sex while the person was urinating?
393. drank your own urine?
394. tasted or drank someone else's urine?
395. drank human blood?
396. tasted someone else's nasal mucous?
397. been involved in golden showers?
398. swallowed your partner's orgasmic secretions?
399. used the Purity Test as a checklist of things you could do?
400. participated in Purity Testing with an ulterior motive?
_______________________________________________________________________________
I. Scoring
Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a sheet of paper with lots of
itty-bitty answers to the Purity Test. Sworn to excellence of workmanship, we
now give you directions on how to calculate your Purity score. There are
several methods; the calculator method works best, as does the a la mainframe
method. (A DECsystem-2060 works great as a PC.) Of the easier ways: count up
all your "no" answers, then divide this number by four. This gives your
percentage purity; the higher the number, the more pure you are; in the same
vein, the lower the score, the more of a sleaze-bag you are. For your
reference, we include calculator directions:
For people with real calculators (HP):
<#no ans.> [ENTER] 4 /
For people with other (dinky) calculators:
<#no ans.> / 4 =
_______________________________________________________________________________
II. Warranty Information
We hope that you have enjoyed this test. It does not come with a warranty, nor
does it guarantee that it will get you laid or make you somehow somewhat better
in bed or the haystack.
The makers of this test are not responsible for any liabilities or damages
resulting from this test, including but not limited to, paternity suits. Ask
your doctor or pharmacist.
Do not take apart; there are no user serviceable parts inside.
Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of the
publisher; just don't edit or change it. In reproducing this test, the authors
of this test may exercise droit de seigneur over you, your immediate family, or
fiance(e). You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state
to state. (i.e. inebriated)
Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance discouraged and
frowned upon. Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not included. Some
assembly may be required. Does not come with any other figures.
Drive carefully; 90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.
The above is a public service announcement of this institution.
_______________________________________________________________________________
(1)Rushin' fingers.
(2)Roamin' hands.
(3)They come as a set of several balls strung together. These balls are
inserted into the rectum of one of the participants before sex, and are yanked
out, usually by the partner, during orgasm. I think it's supposed to feel good
or something like that.
(4)Goose: opposite of moon.
(5)You must be at least 48 inches tall to be allowed on this ride.
(6)Avec les animaux.
(7)For clarification: a sadist likes to hurt others.
(8)For clarification: a masochist likes to receive pain.
(9)Anal sex.
(10)Marked interest in excrement; esp. use of feces or filth for sexual
excitement.--Webster's Third New International Dictionary.
An obsession with feces, varied in expression; it may involve the sight and
sound of a person defecating.--The Book of Sex Lists, compiled by A. B. Gerber.
Ballantine Books, New York. 1981.
(11)3: Masturbation by rubbing against another person.--Webster's.
The need to rub against another stranger, especially in a tightly packed
crowd.--Sex Lists.
(12)A dependency on being given an enema.--Sex Lists.
(13)Fascination with the dead; specif: obsession with and usu. erotic
attraction toward and stimulation by corpses typically evidenced by overt acts
(as copulation with a corpse.)--Webster's.
(14)Abnormal attraction to filth.--Webster's.
A dependency on something soiled or filthy, such as sweaty underwear or used
menstrual pads.--Sex Lists.
(15)A desire to look at sexually stimulating scenes esp. as a substitute for
actual sexual participation that constitutes a partial or component instinct
often sublimated (as in a desire for learning).--Webster's.
A dependency on looking at sexual organs and watching sexual activity openly.
It is not surreptitious as in voyeurism.--Sex Lists.
(16)Being dependently responsive to the smell or taste of urine or the sight
and sound of someone urinating.--Sex Lists.
(17)1: One whose sexual desire is concentrated upon seeing sex organs and
sexual acts -- called also peeping tom. 2: An unduly prying observer usu. in
search of sordid acts or scandalous sights.--Webster's.
Being dependently responsive to the risk of being caught while illicitly
peering at another person or couple undressing or engaged in sexual
activity.--Sex Lists.
(18)Do NOT attempt this if you have a heart condition, or have a history of
cardiac failures.
(19)Do NOT attempt this at home. This is an extremely dangerous activity. The
people who perform this feat are highly trained athletes.
(20)Vaginal oral sex.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Table of Contents
Disclaimer of Liability A
Genesis - History B
Instructions for Use C
1. Platonic Relations 1
2. Auto-erotica and Mono-sexualism 2
3. Legislative Misfits and Other Ethical Questions 3
4. Drugs 4
5. Non Platonic 5
6. Non Primary Choice Relations 6
7. Alternate Choices 7
8. Group Sexual Relations 8
9. Extracurricular, deviant conduct 9
9.1. Non sentient objects 9
9.2. Locality 10
9.3. Style 11
I. Scoring 12
II. Warranty Information 13
_______________________________________________________________________________