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??02 Jun 90????????????????????_ROR_-_ALUCARD_?????????????????????????? ??
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? ** The Amazing Brain of the American Pit Bull Terrier ** ? ???
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? Spontaneous Combustion & Dimension Travel Tfile ??
? Distribution ??
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?? ? Written by: Doctor Murdock - RoR - ??
? A ?_____________________________________________________________________??
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???The HQ of SDBP, Inc - 510/237/8563??PolySpock Project - 510/524/3649???
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** THE AMAZING BRAIN OF THE AMERICAN PIT BULL TERRIER **
Today I was sitting in the last patch of sunlight, in my backyard,
before the sun went all the way down. With a cool tallboy in my hand and my
dog Cremator by my side breathing heavy and looking stupid, the way he always
does. I was sitting there enjoying my cool freshin and the buzz from the one
before it, when the weeds from what is left of the lawn started to produce
some cool visuals. So I picked one of 'em. (Ya know the kind of weeds that
you used to throw like darts when you were younger, and they'd stick to other
kids shirts?) Well, anyways, I was sticking the sharp end of the plant into
my dogs nose and therefore goading him into a frenzy. I'd stick him in the
nose, and then he'd leap forward and snap at the plant. I did this over and
over and over and over again until every last bit of attention his puny brain
could spare was centered on this little thing sticking him in the nose, and
how even if it was the last thing he did, he would kill it. (Well, I don't
think he thought that far in advance, but lets just assume...) So, while I
was watching him, as he was totally amazed and infatuated with his goal, I
had this awesome Theory!:
Say you had an animal such as this dog, that could produce such a high
amount of mental exertion, as only a Pit Bull can....yet be so stupid.
What would happen if at the same time, this animal were to become confused
beyond his comprehension?? I mean REALLY confused. It isn't that hard to do,
it probably happens to him everyday, but not while he's in such an excited
condition. Now....on with the theory: Now the dog is trying with all his
physical and mental might to kill this little plant that you are teasing him
with. He wants that plant DEAD! So you continually provoke him with the weed
AND verbally. Then when you feel that his mental power is producing it's
maximum output, you THROW the weed into a field of matching plants which ALL
look identical!!!!!!
What does he do?? He immediately, without thinking, LEAPS into that field at
the location he best feels the plant landed at. He lands and quickly looks
around!! He sees HUNDRED, THOUSANDS of these things that he has such a
sadistic desire to mutilate!! He doesn't know what to DO!!!
My theory is this: Because this animal is so fucking BRAINLESS, and at the
same time can exert such a tremendous energy towards it's obsession, that it
simply cannot exist on the same intellectual dimension as other animals or
lifeforms that aren't experiencing the same state as itself, and therefore
will immediately Spontaneously Combust!!!!
(Note: This can happen to you or me also. But it would take years of
mental discipline and preparation to get to our minds to the point of
such an uncontrollable drive.
* That's my Theory anyway. Maybe in the future I'll do mass studies on this
and win a nobel prize. Or maybe I'll just buy another six pack....
(Note#2: I called my dog stupid several times in this post, but it's only
because I had to stress the matter. I'd just like to say that the
DOG is TRULY Mans Best Friend. As he is mine. RoR......)
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he is mine. RoR......)
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