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Whoa-ho, it's those...
_______
_________________/ \_________
/ F U N \
< R A D I O L O G Y F U N P A G E S >
\_________________ F U N _________/
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Number 2
Written by:Abby Hoffman
Edited and typed by:Mr. Pez
It's that radical fun paper for the whole family! The NEW computer version!
I, as Mr. Pez, have decided to type in the works of the great Abby Hoffman in
order to gain a few cheap upload credits...but I'm sure you'll enjoy this fine
file! As well as the fine board Abby runs, called the Woodstock Nation. (More
on that later...)
1) If a metal take-out tray from a Japanese sushi parlor is put in a microwave
oven, how much will the magnetron be destroyed?
2) If a one-megaton warhead was dropped over the Empire State Building, how
many new customers would Hair Club for Men have after one month?
3) If a hydrogen bomb was dropped over Kentucky, how many radioactive table
legs could be made and sold at surplus prices?
4) A meaningful message from Mr. Mouli:
Remember, kids, no radioactive materials are allowed on the George
Washington Bridge! ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!
Mr. Mouli is a staff writer, and, although he does nothing but chop
vegetables all day, he often contributes a meaningful message to THE PAGES.
5) If a Geiger counter tests all cartons of milk coming from the mid-west, how
many will be proved radiologically unfit for America's growing youth
because of atomic bomb tests after World War II?
6) If a 12 megaton atomic weapon is dropped on mid-town Manhattan, how much
business will Alfred A. Shyster, lawyer on 89th street, lose?
7) Math for pre-schoolers:
If an atomic bomb is dropped in the Yukon or North Pole, how many people
will be killed?
8) An atomic bomb is dropped in Canajoharie, New York (Small city and home of
the Beech-Nut and Life Saver factories.)
a. How much will the net profits of Johnson and Johnson's shampoo division
and the makers of Adorn and Hair-Net drop?
b. How many workers will be laid off?
9) Reading comprehension:
TDI (Tesla Designs, Incorporated) is researched a new product.
Prototypes have been called the XRM or "X-Ray Magnetron". This new machine
is expected to be in 7/11's and AM/PM Mini Marts by next fall. This heavy-
duty oven cooks food with X-rays. However, the user must stand at least
three to four miles away from the oven. The late-night adventurer will be
shielded in a blockhouse buried deep underground and located several miles
away from the store. Most convenience stores will be relocated to
underground caverns deep below the Earth's crust and far from any population
centers. "You can cook a burrito in .5 nanoseconds," says a spokesman from
TDI. "However," he continues, "Many fear that all this time saved may rip
the fabric of American society to shreds." Remeber to pull that heavy battle
armor out of the closets! Remember to never turn your back on the XRM. And
please -- Watch the dog!
1) What would be a good title for the story?
a. Fun With X-Rays.
b. Mr. Tesla At Work.
c. A New Way To Cook.
d. A Day In The Park.
2) What is the name of the company?
a. 7-11.
b. TDI.
c. Burrito.
d. Underground Blockhouse, Inc.
3) What stores will support the XRM?
a. All finer stores near you.
b. King Kullen and Waldbaum's.
c. Most convenience stores.
d. 86 Lumber.
4) How quickly will the oven cook?
a. Quickly.
b. With X-rays.
c. Damn fast.
d. A nuclear nightmare.
5) Why will most convenience stores be relocated?
a. Because nobody wants them in their neighborhood.
b. The XRM is very dangerous.
c. Because the south-west has been deprived of convenience stores for years.
d. A nuclear nightmare.
6) Which of the following does the spokesman from TDI say?
a. "...All of this time saved may rip the fabric of American society to
shreds."
b. "I would like to be a Shakespearian actor."
c. "Where may I buy the antiques?"
d. "I would like a room with a bath."
10) J M L --That Scrambled Word Game!!
U B E
1) OLGBEN
_ _ _ _ ( )( )
2) NGGIO
_ ( ) _ ( ) _
3) RMEKAE
( ) _ ( ) _ _ _
4) ETARCER (Hint: Not "RETRACE")
( ) _ _ _ ( ) _ _
5) PNEO
_ _ ( ) _
Print answer here:
HINT: Makes the modern kitchen
( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )
Well, Abby only made three of these Pages (the one I didn't do had too many
pictures) and I don't know if he'll make more, but why don't you call THE
WOODSTOCK NATION and find out?
[Ed's note: As I sit shamelessly painting board numbers everywhere and
making this a product of my group(s), when I actually wrote it in August or
something, I realize that the Nation's down, so don't bother calling it.
Well, I'm editing out the number, so you can't anyway. Enjoy the files, it
makes the total number of RM/MM files 4 now. Be excited. Be very
excited.]
Boards where you can savor good conversation with intelligent people:
____N_a_m_e______ ___N_u_m_b_e_r__ __Software__ ___S_y_s_o_p_____ _Baudrate_
The Works! ! [914]-238-8195 ! PCBoard ! Jason Scott ! 300/1200 !
The Darque Side ! [408]-245-SPAM ! WaffleNET ! S Bunker !3/12/2400 !
Thieve's World ! [616]-344-2718 ! FIDO ! Thomas Covenant ! 300/1200 !
Terrapin Station ! [505]-865-0883 ! AE:TAC ! Count Nibble ! 300/1200 !
The Brewery ! [314]-394-8259 ! WWIV/Forum ! Beer Wolf ! 300/1200 !
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