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submit to you:
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/ F U N \
< R A D I O L O G Y F U N P A G E S >
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Number 1
Written by:Abby Hoffman
The Dissident
Entered in textfile form by:Mr. Pez
Kids, the Fun Pages (and whoa-ho, aren't they fun?) are to teach you all basic
knowledge of that modern miracle, nuclear power. Now, get your pencils out,
and prepare for a brain-teasin' good time!
-Mr. Pez
1) Addition.
ex. 5 nanocuries + 28 nanocuries= FATAL
ex. 3 nanocuries + 5 nanocuries= COOL
REMEMBER, 30 NANOCURIES IS HARMFUL!
a. 13 nanocuries + 26 nanocuries=
b. 20 nanocuries + 21 nanocuries=
c. 18 nanocuries + 12 nanocuries=
d. 16 nanocuries + 12 nanocuries=
e. 38 nanocuries + 147 nanocuries=
2) If the Nuclear Regulatory Comminsion hires six jumpers, how long will each
be able to live undisturbed by disease or angry hippie demonstrators?
3) What is the height of Indian Point 2's dome if it is made up of 1,505 inch-
thick blocks?
4) If a truck carrying two tons of radioactive waste tips over, spilling the
material on the roadbed, how many lanes will be close? How much property
will be destroyed?
5) If all of the radiological waste in Elizabeth, New Jersey, is uncovered,
how much of the world population will be destroyed?
6) If there is a meltdown, how many rods must be removed in order to stop the
chain reaction?
7) Draw lines to complete the following:
ANIMAL RUNS THROUGH TURNS THE COLOR
Cat Plutonium Red
Dog Uranium Green
Frog Radium Purple
Anteater Thorium Pink Polka-Dot
Lou Ferrigno Carbon 14 Silver
8) J M L That scrambled word game!
U B E
a) ULHSS
( ) _ _ _ ( )
b) RUSHOD
_ _ _ ( )( )( )
c) NCOPA
_ _ _ ( )( )
d) BROOT
( ) _ _ ( ) _
e) REALC
( )( ) _ _ _
f) MNEU
( ) _ _ ( )
Print answer here:
HINT: Adds that extra BANG! in your day
( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( ) ( )( )( )( )( )
------------------------ ---------------
9) In Houston, a 12 kiloton atom bomb is dropped. How many people will vomit
the color green? (not including dogs on heartworm pills)
10) If a cat enters a nuclear power plant, how many lives will it have left
after it leaves?
11) Which is safest?
a. Working for organized crime
b. Eating ptomaine-infected potatos
c. Working in an asbestos factory
d. Living in Buchanan, New York
12) If all of the plutonium in South Carolina is uncovered, how large a bomb
can be made?
13) If a missile is launched with a 45 MPH tailwind, how much time will be
saved from the 20 minute flying time?
Thank you for answering these questions...they will be graded later for the
FUN quotient. In the meantime, why don't you call these boards?
The Woodstock Nation..........(914)-___-____ (Abby's board went down,
unfortunately, but the
SPIRIT of the Nation lives
on, right, brothers?)
Home of Abby and myself...Every night from 10pm to 6am
And, other boards I suggest -
____N_a_m_e______ ___N_u_m_b_e_r__ __Software__ ___S_y_s_o_p_____ _Baudrate_
The Works! ! [914]-238-8195 ! PCBoard ! Jason Scott ! 300/1200 !
The Darque Side ! [408]-245-SPAM ! WaffleNET ! DS^3 Club !3/12/2400 !
Thieve's World ! [616]-344-2718 ! FIDO ! Thomas Covenant ! 300/1200 !
Terrapin Station ! [505]-865-0883 ! AE:TAC ! Count Nibble ! 300/1200 !
The Brewery ! [314]-394-8259 ! WWIV/Forum ! Beer Wolf ! 300/1200 !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
The TextFile Review]
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Whoa-ho, it's those...
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< R A D I O L O G Y F U N P A G E S >
\_________________ F U N _________/
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Number 2
Written by:Abby Hoffman
Edited and typed by:Mr. Pez
It's that radical fun paper for the whole family! The NEW computer version!
I, as Mr. Pez, have decided to type in the works of the great Abby Hoffman in
order to gain a few cheap upload credits...but I'm sure you'll enjoy this fine
file! As well as the fine board Abby runs, called the Woodstock Nation. (More
on that later...)
1) If a metal take-out tray from a Japanese sushi parlor is put in a microwave
oven, how much will the magnetron be destroyed?
2) If a one-megaton warhead was dropped over the Empire State Building, how
many new customers would Hair Club for Men have after one month?
3) If a hydrogen bomb was dropped over Kentucky, how many radioactive table
legs could be made and sold at surplus prices?
4) A meaningful message from Mr. Mouli:
Remember, kids, no radioactive materials are allowed on the George
Washington Bridge! ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!
Mr. Mouli is a staff writer, and, although he does nothing but chop
vegetables all day, he often contributes a meaningful message to THE PAGES.
5) If a Geiger counter tests all cartons of milk coming from the mid-west, how
many will be proved radiologically unfit for America's growing youth
because of atomic bomb tests after World War II?
6) If a 12 megaton atomic weapon is dropped on mid-town Manhattan, how much
business will Alfred A. Shyster, lawyer on 89th street, lose?
7) Math for pre-schoolers:
If an atomic bomb is dropped in the Yukon or North Pole, how many people
will be killed?
8) An atomic bomb is dropped in Canajoharie, New York (Small city and home of
the Beech-Nut and Life Saver factories.)
a. How much will the net profits of Johnson and Johnson's shampoo division
and the makers of Adorn and Hair-Net drop?
b. How many workers will be laid off?
9) Reading comprehension:
TDI (Tesla Designs, Incorporated) is researched a new product. Prototypes have been called the XRM or "X-Ray Magnetron". This new machine
is expected to be in 7/11's and AM/PM Mini Marts by next fall. This heavy-
duty oven cooks food with X-rays. However, the user must stand at least
three to four miles away from the oven. The late-night adventurer will be
shielded in a blockhouse buried deep underground and located several miles
away from the store. Most convenience stores will be relocated to
underground caverns deep below the Earth's crust and far from any population
centers. "You can cook a burrito in .5 nanoseconds," says a spokesman from
TDI. "However," he continues, "Many fear that all this time saved may rip
the fabric of American society to shreds." Remeber to pull that heavy battle
armor out of the closets! Remember to never turn your back on the XRM. And
please -- Watch the dog!
1) What would be a good title for the story?
a. Fun With X-Rays.
b. Mr. Tesla At Work.
c. A New Way To Cook.
d. A Day In The Park.
2) What is the name of the company?
a. 7-11.
b. TDI.
c. Burrito.
d. Underground Blockhouse, Inc.
3) What stores will support the XRM?
a. All finer stores near you.
b. King Kullen and Waldbaum's.
c. Most convenience stores.
d. 86 Lumber.
4) How quickly will the oven cook?
a. Quickly.
b. With X-rays.
c. Damn fast.
d. A nuclear nightmare.
5) Why will most convenience stores be relocated?
a. Because nobody wants them in their neighborhood.
b. The XRM is very dangerous.
c. Because the south-west has been deprived of convenience stores for years.
d. A nuclear nightmare.
6) Which of the following does the spokesman from TDI say?
a. "...All of this time saved may rip the fabric of American society to
shreds."
b. "I would like to be a Shakespearian actor."
c. "Where may I buy the antiques?"
d. "I would like a room with a bath."
10) J M L --That Scrambled Word Game!!
U B E
1) OLGBEN
_ _ _ _ ( )( )
2) NGGIO
_ ( ) _ ( ) _
3) RMEKAE
( ) _ ( ) _ _ _
4) ETARCER (Hint: Not "RETRACE")
( ) _ _ _ ( ) _ _
5) PNEO
_ _ ( ) _
Print answer here:
HINT: Makes the modern kitchen
( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )
Well, Abby only made three of these Pages (the one I didn't do had too many
pictures) and I don't know if he'll make more, but why don't you call THE
WOODSTOCK NATION and find out?
[Ed's note: As I sit shamelessly painting board numbers everywhere and
making this a product of my group(s), when I actually wrote it in August or
something, I realize that the Nation's down, so don't bother calling it. Well, I'm editing out the number, so you can't anyway. Enjoy the files, it
makes the total number of RM/MM files 4 now. Be excited. Be very
excited.]
Boards where you can savor good conversation with intelligent people:
____N_a_m_e______ ___N_u_m_b_e_r__ __Software__ ___S_y_s_o_p_____ _Baudrate_
The Works! ! [914]-238-8195 ! PCBoard ! Jason Scott ! 300/1200 !
The Darque Side ! [408]-245-SPAM ! WaffleNET ! S Bunker !3/12/2400 !
Thieve's World ! [616]-344-2718 ! FIDO ! Thomas Covenant ! 300/1200 !
Terrapin Station ! [505]-865-0883 ! AE:TAC ! Count Nibble ! 300/1200 !
The Brewery ! [314]-394-8259 ! WWIV/Forum ! Beer Wolf ! 300/1200 !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
The TextFile Review]