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Well here I am again, and with a side- kick, The Metallian, one of the very
few cool people around. We are writing this file with a new technique...
called telewriting. Telewriting is when two people write a text file at the
same time, over the modem. This technique will be explained later in a text
file called <Telewriting>.
Ok enough with the bullshit, lets get down to business. Since the new year,
there has been an influx of Assholes coming onto the tele-computing scene.
Where do they all come from? We will explore this right now...
<In>
What Assholes Do ][
Where do they come from is a very very good question. From my experience
they appearently came from Christmas, kids who got modems for a present. These
kids (sometimes over 20 years old) do not know anything about what they just
received, and immediately call compuserve with their free pass- word that came
with the modem. Once on Compuserve, they go to help 75 times to find out what
they are doing. After getting tired of calling compu- serve for 17 days
straight, they come accross a BBS number. Which is usually a board like The
Northwest Connection or one that is NetMaster and sucks, but still has a list
of BBS's which unfortunatly for us, has one or two cool BBS's on it.
Then the Asshole calls "The Gates of Hell", which is the only cool local BBS
in your area, then the ass gets validated because the SYSOP has no idea who
this kid is, so he gives him a chance on the system. Now the ass is trying to
make friends in the local community, so he posts a message to try to get some
friends. Maybe such as this one: Date: March 7, 1984 Time: 8:40 p.m. Name:
The Masked Masher Subject: <<Hey Dudezzz!!!>>
-+_+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Hey fellow computer nuts! This is the
<M-asked <M-asher (You can call me
<M&M> if you want (he he he) I am reel
knew at useing my Networker Modem with
reel K-K00L software. I luv it, I get
to meet real neato people over the
modem, like on Compuserve. Have any
of u people called Compuserve, it is
reel neato. If you want, you can
borrow my password for a day, as long
as you dont stay on 2 long. I heard
about this reel cool modem program that
someone told me, I think he called it
A.E. isn't that a game? I think he
was lieing! Does anyone have a modem
program called that? I wood reely
apriciate it if sumone could give it
2 me so i could trade reel K00L wares
reel quick over my fone. I am interest-
ed in trading, I have a couple of neeto
games that my dad got me for Christmas,
Apple Panic, Orbitron, Taxman(I think
that Taxman is like pacman), and I also
got Chronicles of Narnia, my favorite.
Also if any 1 lost their system master,
i could give them a spare copy. Thanx
Guys! Leave me lots of mail.
THE
/\/\ /-\ S K E D
/\/\ /-\ S H E R!!!!
CALL ME AT 201-238-9357 TO CHAT!!!!
/ew
.save my message
/help sysop!
/finished
/done
/end
---------------------------------------
This kid is nothing else but an Asshole. Now he has infultrated your
territory, you must take action, get rid of all Assholes in the area! If a
message you have written resembles this then there is help that can be given.
As we will discribe later.
<How to take action against the Asshole>
Ok, a real ass has come into your territory, and you will not stand it! You
must get rid of him before he gets others like him all over the board and make
it "Asshole Alley".
First: Take moderate action, leave him a note in e-mail telling him that he
is an ass. If this doesnt work then....
Second: Make a public attack, on any board, public is the best. Here is an
example: Time: 3:09 a.m. Name: The Angel of Destiny Subject: Masked Masher
is a Asshole!
The Masked Masher is a LOSER, he has entered our ironclad world and he
attempts to be cool, well, as you can see by his message, it is obvious, let's
trash the dick, blow him to bits, make him want to take his shitty Networker
modem and blow him to Heis not good enough for this board, so Mr. Masher, if
you call back, or post another message, bad things will happen to you and
members of your family.
A friendly warning.
From:
The Angel of Destiny.
Metal Communications Inc.
Later dudes.
---------------------------------------
This simple warning usually doesnt work, then the fun starts. Below is a
list of some fun things you can do to your local asshole.
1. Put his name on a Black-List so as he will never get onto any other
boards that are any good again.
2. Put his home fone line on auto-dial for 3 or 4 days.
3. Break into your local bank's computer and take all their money out of
their savings.
4. Call up his parents and say that you are any particular corperation and
have reason to believe that he has been using his modem illegally to obtain
information.
5. Get someone to Credit Card fifteen plane tickets to Theran, Iran on a
airline like IranAir.
6. Break into his house and spray paint the Dining Room walls black and
nicely arrange decaying animals that you have found on the table.
7. If this all fails, kill his dog.
8. If the dog bites you, sue them for all they are worth (about $1.95).
9. If all this fails, burn his house down.
---------------------------------------
Ok, well, next, we will discuss how you can avoid all of this, we will point
out some of the things, frankly, what assholes do, this way you can avoid this
great discomfort.
<><><><More of what assholes do><><><>
Assholes Do not know what phreaking is or asks anyone whether they are or
not.
Assholes use Data Capture 4.0 when calling an AE.
Assholes think that CP/M mean Afternoon in Central standard time.
Assholes do not notch there disks because they are afraid they will notch
into the disk.
Assholes have Anti-Static mats under their chairs so they wont blow out their
computer with a static surge.
Assholes try to use Zoom Graphics or Print Shop on a Daisy Wheel Printer.
Assholes wear pens and pencils behind their ears.
Assholes wear the converse high tops that are 15 diffrent colors.
Assholes do not know the word "Levis".
Assholes leave hundreds of bitch messages on a AE if the sysop doesan't have
the ware he wants, even if it is older than what is up.
Assholes also spend three hours leaving posts bitching at the sysop, when the
sysop can boot Copy 2+ and delete them in a second.
Assholes spend almost all their time either at the computer or the library.
Assholes read books.
Assholes think that the guy who cracked Beagle Bag must be a genious.
Assholes are listening to Culture Club or Michael Jackson while they ar
reading this file, or even touching the computer.
Assholes have speakerphones.
Assholes hang up when the sysop wants to go voice because there voice is
still real high.
Assholes like to go to church.
Assholes are Mormans.
Assholes help their Moms food shop because they want to.
Assholes write files that have to do with 100 ways to eat grapefruit, and
like it.
Assholes's moms make their lunch for them, and drive them to school when it
is only 4 blocks away.
Asshole's parents voted for Ronald Reagan, and still believe what he says.
Assholes think that Club Tropicana is a cool group to be in.
Assholes get anything they want from their parents when they ask for it.
Assholes Don't know what carding is.
Assholes live in trailer parks.
Assholes stay at the dinner table after they are done eating because they
like talking to their parents about school.
Assholes call single drive AE/BBS's.
Assholes should have never been born to begin with.
---------------------------------------
Because of the great deal of assholes in the world, we could be here for
days, so we will let your mind think, if you do not know how, then you are an
asshole, think about the above and try to find ways to stop being an asshole.
Deleting this file would be a sure sign of assholeism.
Look for Assholes /// coming to an AE or BBS or WHATEVER near you. And call
these Genocidal Boards:
---------------------------------------
The Metal Catsend - 201-879-6668
Catsend only-No Assholes-All the latest
Metaland - 503-538-0761
BBS-AE-10 megs-Sysop>The Metallian
The Armoury - 201-267-1207
10 meg BBS/AE - One of the best around
Ms. Reality's AE - 818-706-2054
The Master of Reality-SYSOP
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Written on Saturday, Febuary 9, from
11 p.m. to 4 a.m. EST-by Telewriting.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A Neon Knight
and
A Metal Communications
release.
\The Blade\The Metallian\2-9-85\METAL!\
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Taken from:
The Restaurant at the End
of the Universe
(609)-921-1994 24 Hours a Day!
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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