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YES THAT'S RIGHT! ITS ANOTHER F.I.S.H. F.I.L.E.
" ITS A FLOOR WAX" "ITS A DESERT TOPPING"
BY PUNK ROCK GIRL
EZRA PETROLEUM ZOID
DISCLAIMER: THIS FILE IS ONLY TO SHOW HOW A PSYCHO MANIAC WOULD
KILL HIS PARENTS. IT IS NOT TO CARRIED OUT IN ANYWAY. PUNK ROCK
GIRL IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE TWISTED LITTLE PUPPY THAT GO
OUT AND DO THIS. BY DOWNLOADING THIS FILE YOU ARE AGREEING TO NOT
DO ANY OF THIS STUFF AND THIS DISCLAIMER
SPECIAL THANKS TO MY MOM AND DAD FOR BEING TOTAL ASSHOLES
HOW TO KILL YOUR PARENTS AND GET AWAY WITH IT
1. THIS FILE IS NOT FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO LOVE THEIR
MOMMIES AND DADDIES. IT IS FOR THOSE WITH PARENTS THAT WON'T SHUT
UP. IT IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE JUST SICK OF HEARING " MOW THE LAWN.
RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? I'VE HAD IT UP TO
HERE WITH YOU! YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! CUT YOUR HAIR! YOU LOOK
LIKE A DAMN GIRL! DRESS LIKE A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY! HURRY UP
AND GET A JOB! IF YOU DON'T YOU'LL FIND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE! ( AS
IF THIS IS A THREAT! I WOULD GLADLY MOVE OUT.) "
THIS IS JUST A MERE SAMPLE OF THE $#!? I HEAR EVERYDAY. I FIND
THAT I WANT TO KILL MY PARENTS MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY!
HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS TO DUST OFF THE OLD NAGS:
A) DOES YOUR DAD WELD? IF YOUR FATHER WELDS THEN HERES WHAT TO
DO. GET HIS TORCHES AND TAKE THEM APART. RUB A NICE OIL ALL OVER
THE INSIDE. ANY OIL WILL DO. NOW PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER. REPLACE
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU FOUND THEM SO THE JERK WILL NEVER SUSPECT. IF
YOUR DADDY TRIES TO WELD ANYTHING USING AN OXYGEN TANK HE'LL BLOW
HIMSELF AND EVERYTHING AROUND HIM TO HELL. BE SURE TO LEAVE FOR
THE NIGHT AFTER YOU SABOTAGE HIS TORCHES.
B) DADDY GOT A BIG OFFICE? DADDY GOT LOTS OF COMPUTERS? FORMAT
THEM! BE SURE TO RENAME THE DRIVE SOMETHING LIKE " APRIL FOOLS
VIRUS" SO THE MORONS THINK A VIRUS GOT THEM.
C) GET A GUN AND SHOOT THEM. COME UP WITH A GOOD ALIBI SO YOU
WON'T GET CAUGHT. DON'T LEAVE ANY FINGER PRINTS. BEFORE THE DEED,
PRETEND TO LOVE THEM IN PUBLIC. ACT REALLY SAD AT THE FUNERAL AND
DURING QUESTIONING. YES THAT'S RIGHT THE POLICE WILL QUESTION
YOU. IF YOUR REALLY CREATIVE YOU CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE BURGLAR
BROKE IN AND SHOT THEM.
D) SUICIDE THEM. PUT POISON IN MOMS COFFEE OR IN HER FOOD. MAKE
SURE TO USE A POISON THAT DISSOLVES INTO BODY TISSUE AND IS
UNTRACEABLE. THAT MAY SOUND HARD BUT THERE ARE MANY CHEMICALS
THAT WILL DO SO.
E) ELECTROCUTION LOOKS LIKE A HEART ATTACK. IF YOU SURGE ENOUGH
AMPS THROUGH DADS HAND OR ANOTHER BODY PART HIS LITTLE HEART WILL
STOP. IT WILL LOOK LIKE HE HAD A HEART ATTACK! VOLTS WON'T WORK!
USE AMPS! I CAN'T THINK OFF HAND WHERE ONE MIGHT COME UP WITH A
GOOD SOURCE OF HIGH AMPERAGE EXCEPT FOR THOSE TASER STUNNER
THINGYS. JUST PRESS IT INTO HIM FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES. I OWN A BIG
TRANSFORMER. THIS BABY ARCS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE! IF ONE
WERE TO TOUCH JUST ONE WIRE TO.... OH SAY, A DOOR KNOB, WHEN
DADDY LEAVES FOR WORK HE WON'T GET FAR! THIS DOESN'T ALWAYS KILL
A PERSON HOWEVER. IT JUST THROWS THEM BACK ABOUT 10 FEET AND THEY
FEEL LIKE THEY JUST GOT HIT BY A TRUCK. TRY TO GET THEM TO TOUCH
IT FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS. 3rd TIMES A CHARM.
F) MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT! ACCIDENTLY DROP A HOUSE ON HIM
OR SOMETHING AND THEN CALL 911. SAY " PLEASE HELP! MY DAD WAS OUT
WORKING AND A WHEELBARROW FULL OF BRICKS TIPPED OVER ON HIS HEAD!
I THINK HIS SKULL IS CRUSHED INTO SAND! " OF COURSE YOU CAME HOME
FROM YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE AND SAW HIM LYING THERE ON THE GROUND. IT
SEEMS HE WAS WORKING UNDER AN AWNING OR SOMETHING WHEN ALL OF HIS
BANGING AROUND SHOOK THE WHEELBARROW RIGHT OFF THE ROOF. ( IT WAS
ALREADY PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED! )
G) SPEND THE NIGHT AT YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE. SNEAK OUT AND GO HOME
ONCE EVERY BODY HAS GONE TO BED. TAKE ALL OF THE BATTERIES OUT OF
YOUR SMOKE DETECTORS. REPLACE THEM WITH DEAD ONES. NOW MOVE A
TRASH CAN NEAR AN ELECTRIC OUTLET. PUT A LITTLE LIGHTER FLUID ON
IT TO GET THINGS GOING. NOT A LOT! NOW GO AND CUT THE POWER TO
THE HOUSE. GO BACK IN AND REMOVE THE COVER TO THE OUTLET NEAR THE
TRASH. GRAB THE TWO WIRES INSIDE AND TWIST THEM TOGETHER NICE AND
GOOD. PLACE THEM REALLY CLOSE TO THE TRASH AND ADD SOME LIGHTER
FLUID TO THE TRASH BEING SURE TO SQUIRT IT ALL OVER THE WIRES.
NOW GO OUTSIDE AND TURN THE POWER ON. THE SPARKS FROM THE WIRES
WILL IGNITE THE TRASH AND FOOM! BYE BYE HOUSE. IF THE SPARKS FAIL
TO IGNITE THE TRASH THEN LEAVE THE SETUP ALONE.
GET A CAN OF GAS. PLACE A BUNCH AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE.
THE WOOD PILE MAKES AN IDEAL PLACE SINCE IT IS DRY AND CLOSE TO
THE HOUSE (USUALLY). NOW DRENCH THE WOOD. LIGHT A MATCH. RUN.
GOOD THING YOU WEREN'T EVEN AT NEAR YOUR HOUSE WHEN IT WENT UP IN
FLAMES! JUST MAKE SURE YOU AREN'T SEEN AND THAT YOU GET TO YOUR
FRIENDS HOUSE BEFORE THE POLICE CALL WITH " THE BAD NEWS "
H) GOPHER GASSERS CAN BE BOUGHT AT MOST HARDWARE STORES. THESE
THINGS SHOOTS OUT POISONED GAS. ONE IN THE HOT STEAMY BATHROOM
WHILE DAD IS IN THE SHOWER WILL PROBABLY HURT HIM A LOT IF NOT
JUST KILL HIM.
I) WHEN YOU SHOWER THE COMMON HUMAN TAKES OFF ITS SHOES. PUT A
WHITE THUMB TACK OR TWO ON THE FLOOR IN THE SHOWER. YOU CAN GET
THEM IN MOST ANY COLOR NOWADAYS. PICK ONE THAT BLENDS IN WELL.
J) RUN THEM OVER WITH THE CAR AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT
K) DRIVERS SIDE AIR BAG! THINK ABOUT IT! DAD IS IN THE PASSENGER
SEAT. OH LOOK OUT A BIG BRICK WALL!!!!
L) SLOW BUILD UP OF MERCURY COMPOUNDS IN THE BLOOD MAKES 'EM GO
CRAZY. DOCTORS THINK IT IS FROM NATURAL REASONS I.E. BATTERIES
ROOTING IN THE GROUND RELEASING IT AS THE DECOMPOSE AND THEN
BEING INHALED BY DAD. DON'T PUT TOO MUCH IN HIS FOOD OR HE'LL
KNOW! IT ALSO LOOKS A LITTLE OBVIOUS WHEN THE AUTOPSY REVEALS 43
POUNDS OF MERCURY DISSOLVING HIS BRAINY MEATS.
M) DRIVE A WOODEN STAKE INTO THEIR HEARTS AND PLEAD INSANITY. (
HE HE HE HE HE)