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File : SPH-8.TXT
Author : Bat Bastard
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
SPHEROIDS, part 8
Slings and Arrows...
Lacy, Tilly , and the Undertaker scrambled into the Escort, and made
velocitous thier extramuralisation.The undertaker semmed to be plying for
trade, for he madehis lack of abilties as an overtaker very plain. "For shit's
sake!" cried Tilly, from the floor of the car, her voice muffled by the bin-
liner that had been pressed into service as a funeral shroud,"don't let me die!
I'm to beautiful to die". Lacy decided to let this pass(as did the vehicle in
the other lane) "Bitchen, man" was her sole contribution to the conversation.
The undertaker halted outside Lacy and Tilly's abode, and they alighted,
, bid insincere farwells, and staggered inside, mentally questioning the values
of a society that premitted such behaviour in one so old, unwashed, and unversed
in the verse's of Mojo Nixion. Barely had they entered, when someone began a
percussion solo on the foremost portal.Lacy went to investigate,thinking
thoughts of Thoth, and other violent deities. "Yarrss?" , she enquired, in her
best Susan Renouf.Upon espying thevisitor, she saw that it was her neighbour,
that ethnic gentleman ,En Double U something, prostarate in an attitude of
supplication, bearing an unwashed teacup in the manner that Lacy always
imagined tributes were presented to ancient Rome . "May I borrow a cup of
sugar?" he begged, trying to look as little a possible as a man who claimed to
go through women as other men go through clean socks. "And who was the honkey
in the Rad wheels's?" he asked, overcome by twin urges, for knowledge, and for a
diploma in sixties jive talk. "Oh, just a suitor" replied Lacy, coyly, in the
manner she had seen someone do on 'Gloss' the previous night but three. Lacy
lived in a fantasy world. "Yeah? Whatchadoo?" demaned the fellow on the
doorstep. "oh just a little hearsing and swearing", replid Lacy, slamming the
door in his face, for she felt the situation had outlived its usefulness as a
showcase for her wit and impersonations.
She returned to the lounge, carefully insinuating her way through discarded
junk food wrappers and beer cans."What to do?" she mused to herself. Lacy was a
girl who lead a life of watertight compartments. Last week was for killing her
relatives.This morning was for the funeral. Tomorrow was for starting the search
for the lost riches of Mummy. How, then, to spent the remainer of the day? Lacy
wandered about the house.She turned on the television.An image of LP
appeared,and began to speak."Mundane" thoght Lacy, changing the
channel.obviously Lp was trying to defend his media-mashing stance of describing
Arch Bishop Tutu as "Nigger with a Platitude".Leaving the television for a
moment, she drifted tothe bookshelf, and surveyed the stock of pornographic
literature therein.She picked a title at random. "The Karma Sutra guide to Fun
Sex,limp edition".However, the book was colour-coded by the new literacy counicl,
(whose policy to combat illiteracy seemed to be to reduce the vocabulary
permissible in books, as a cheaper alternative to teaching people. Lacy
herself had baulked at this scheme, whaen she came acros the L.C complete
dictionary, a lexograph in 200 pages), not to contain any words above 3
sylablls,so she returned it to the shelf. She glanced at a newspaper,(the
misnamed 'TRUTH' which, by the policies of the L.C now had the hightset
target-age readership, especially page 3) , open at the entertainment section.
"SCHWATRTEZNEGGER SEASON !" announced one cinema."Now showing...."
"Commando....Raw Deal.." read Lacy,"hmmm, seen them" ,"Red Heat..Running
man..Twins..Triplets..Quadruplets...." and the sequel to Aliens, "Millions of
the buggers!".Lacy turned the page. " Terminator...Predator...","Ah, the
latest!","EXECUTOR!" screamed the blurb, "in which Arine murders 36 racial
stereotypes, in a variety of interesting and inventive methods, only to
discover that he has been appointed to distribute the estates of thier
collective, complex wills!". Lacy couldn't abide courtroom dramas, so she turn
ack to the televison,now displaying the co-star (and chief baddy) of the
afforementioned "MOTB!"."Well.." began Kylie, who had taken up a career as an
interviewer, after her sordid fall from grace, involving a rotary hoe
"I admire your purity..Not clouded by delusions of morality, a bit like Sir Joh,
really!"Alien snapped his gigantic double mandibles together, contemplativly.
Lacy had difficulty in telling interviewer and interviewee apart. "Yeah, well,
I try" He said, having the good grace to blush "by the way , have you tried my
banana-aphrodisiac? guarenteed to seduce the most resistive victim, and new
from LP Labs!". It was Kylis turn to wriggle with embarassment. Her audiece
figures were down too, saw Lacy, glancing at the disguarded newspaper."Never
mind Kylie", thought Lacy, turning off the television, and retiring for the
night,"In disgrace, no-one will see you squirm"
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AUTHOR : Bat Bastard
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