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Title: Marriage or Free Love Author: Madeleine Pelletier Date: 1921 Language: en Topics: marriage, free love Source: Retrieved on 10th September 2021 from https://forgottenanarchism.wordpress.com/2015/03/23/marriage-or-free-love-madeleine-pelletier/ Notes: Published in Le Libertaire.
In “La Voix des Femmes”, Madeleine Vernet talks about the disadvantages
of free love for women. “Men”, she writes, “who advocates free love. The
male sees, in this theory, a way to satisfy his instinct which drives
him towards change. Women, on the contrary, is despoiled, since if there
are children, they remain her burden. Even without children, she is
still despoiled since, while men’s love is first of all sensual, while
women’s love is mostly sentimental; when she is abandoned, she always
suffers. It is therefore with reason that women envision suspiciously
some ideas which are beautiful only as long as they are detached from
reality.”
All this is true, but are the realities of marriage much better? That is
not sure.
Those men who, like dogs or cats, only wish to leave, once their passion
is quenched, legal union manages to keep them, most of the time. But
when the chains feel too heavy on them, they express their discontent,
at home, without any reason, through sweet and sour words, often through
insults and even blows.
Every household is not like that; it happens that friendship survives
love in couples. And this friendship can only be owed to the legal ties;
without marriage, the man would have left his partner, but he has a
commitment, so he stayed, and, with habit, he ended up liking the home
which was first a burden to him.
All things considered, however, the life of married women in the working
class is far from enviable; they stand their condition however because
they have children to feed and above all because she has been brought up
in the idea that she cannot survive on her own. She believes that there
are no means of existence for her without support.
Women get attached, obviously; she has been fed illusions. She has been
made to believe that friendship is the rule when it is only an
exception; we must teach women, as well as men by the way, to be
self-sufficient, both morally and materially.
Family, despite the praises it gets, s far from bringing ideal
happiness. It is only good among the bourgeoisie, where people know how
to stand each other. Among the working-class, family is considerably
reduced and the protection it offers is very often an illusion.
The young woman who wants to practice free love must first get rid of
all her old ideas: the nest, the home, the strong shoulder to lean on,
etc. If that is what she is looking for, she’s making a mistake, she
should marry.
But if a good worker, clerk, teacher, etc. has a trade which ensures her
existence, she can easily look for men, like men look for women.
She won’t be cheated, or at least not much if she’s only looking for
comradeship with a little extra something in her relations.
Women are cheated because they make a huge deal from sexual union which
is only a small thing. They build their whole lives around it, whereas,
in life, everyone only has themselves to rely on.
What about children? Obviously, a woman who practices free love would
better not have any. Children, on top of being a burden, have the great
disadvantage to limit freedom; for them, women would do anything.
But when a woman reaches the age of 27 or 28, it is not a bad idea for
her to have a child. She will be alone to raise them, but whatever; it
will cost her a little money but she will save on other things.
In her mature years, the child will be a consolation to her; she will be
less alone and they will give a sense of purpose to her life.
All of this is transitory; free love will only fully bloom when society
substitutes family in raising children.