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20th February 2022 - Fear ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Written while listening to the magnificent William Onyeabor who I discovered via the radio yesterday. Heartily recommend the songs 'When the Going is Smooth & Good' and 'Atomic Bomb'. Expect bold bombastic beats with horns and oddly reedy organs thrown in. Disco psychedelia with a Nigerian beat perhaps? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We all experience fear. Some more than others. Some actively seek that feeling of fear for the adrenaline rush. Fear is a fundamental emotion to the extent that conquering a fear is a common narrative trope. Yesterday, I went climbing with some friends and it got me thinking about fear and how ridiculous it can make us feel. These friends are preparing to take a climbing instructor course and panicking about all of the different ways they need to show competance. One of the areas which worries them is lead climbing. For those who do not climb, there are 3 key types of climbing - top rope, lead and bouldering. Bouldering is focused on technical skills performed while not tied in on small walls. Top rope is what you probably have in mind. A rope is looped through a carabiner at the top of the wall with the climber tied in on one end and the belayer attached at the other end. If the climber falls, they will only fall a short distance depending on how tight the belayer keeps the rope. Lead on the other hand is about having a climber attached to a rope but they have to clip the rope in at intervals on the wall. If they fall, they will fall a fair distance due to the rope not being able to be held tight by the belayer. Before Covid, my friends were pretty solid lead climbers who managed intermidiate difficulties of climbs. After covid, this skill and confidence has disappeared. As part of their instructor course, they have to show that they can do relatively basic lead climbs. This can be on a flat wall but normally you would be expected to do this on walls with overhangs. This is where part of the wall protrudes out and you have to climb out from the wall and over this feature. Big moves are often required. It is not unreasonable to be expected to clear an overhang problem as part of the course. My friends have been building up their confidence over the past few weeks and started to tackle some of these overhangs. The one friend, who I shall call S, picked a reasonably simple looking route. It had plenty of holds which looked to be in the right places. S got up to the overhang and was hanging from their arms at the point where the overhang becomes flat again. All S needed to do was push hard from the legs and swing the left arm up to a hold. This is common. However, S was above the last clip point and the next clip looked fairly far away. As S looked, a whimper came from their lips. S was not happy and started panting in panic. An occasional swing happened but the left arm never went above the overhang. S had to give up. Now this is something that S can physically do and height is not the issue. S has climbed stupidly large walls on lead climbs before. This was purely a response to an incident from years ago where S ended up falling and getting caught up in the rope. Their instructor had instructed them incorrectly. Now S is left a gibbering wreck while looking at overhangs regardless of what S knows. They know they are safe. They have fallen many times and been fine other than bruised pride. Yet, S has this mental blocker. I am not sure how I can help them through it. My go to is concentration meditation but this does not feel like something S is willing to do. I got thinking about my own climbing fears too. Falling does not bother me really but it sort of does. There are devices called auto-belays which enable you to climb top rope without a belayer. You strap in and when you let go, the device applies a resistance to ensure you fall at a controlled rate. I know they work. I know they are fine. I have used them many times and yet there is always a moment of not wanting to let go. It is fleeting and I find I have to just leap off. When I am being belayed, I also have an element of fear. I am currently rebuilding muscle after some fun statin related muscle wasting times. I am also a fat git. When top rope climbing, I find myself giving up too quickly. It could be from finding myself clinging on the wall too long while trying to work out the next move or when the next move is a high risk move. In both cases I will just give up and get lowered down rather than try and fall. Due to my weight being greater than the belayer, I worry about pulling them upwards. This can be dangerous and one reason why you cannt get someone light to belay someone heavy. I have fallen and my belayer has always caught me without being in danger. Yet that does not conquer my fear that I will hurt them. This is something I am still battling and I think it will be a battle for a fair while yet. Fears are often silly but stem from something deep. The key to confronting those fears is to understand why and then develop strategies to help you fight instinct. This could be finding ways to stop the brain from shouting "RUN", learning more about what you fear or simply doing the thing which you fear. Understanding fear helps you confront it but it does not stop you from feeling silly at how hard it is to let go from the wall when attached to an autobelay!