💾 Archived View for sdf.org › stug › phlog › 2021 › 20210504.txt captured on 2023-01-29 at 05:12:09.
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4 May 2021 Yesterday's melancholic faded day seemed to continue on to today. I had one of those 'I don't want to work' days where I actually got a fair bit done. Annoying as I find I feel useless but you think about it and get surprised when I realise how much I did. It was Scouts tonight which was good. Same sort of thing as last week but with different groups doing it. Explorers were a curious bunch. One had a panic attack at the start. They were soon alright with some support and space which was good. Time to get out of my head a bit I think. Trepanning is one of those things which normally elicits responses of 'why would you want to make a hole in your head?' At the moment, I understand why. How else do you release the pressure in the skull? The sheer joy and relief would be amazing (other than the whole pain of drilling through the skull! It is one of those forbidden pleasures. The first time I had gout I had waited some 2 weeks before I could get to a doctor. They prescribed indometicin or something along those lines as a NSAID. After taking the first dose, I had such a rush. My sore, swollen toe had been shrunk enough to let the uric acid crystals whoosh away and let blood flow once again. It was better than an orgasm. I imagine the release of skull pressure to be like that. It will not be but I can dream in a weird, weird manner. All of this is stress related I think but I also do not feel that stressed... but then I sort of do. Lack of control over work? Probably something along those lines. There is a bit of a feeling of having let my team down with some of the frantic reprioritisation nonsense of late. To resolve this, I might have to have a reset and re-establish moment. Work out what I can control and what I need to ignore. Something along those lines I suppose. That or find a healthy release. Tomorrow is another day and all the usual codswallop.