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Title: When the Flame Annihilates Author: Nykaeva Date: 02/11/2020 Language: en Topics: anarcho-nihilism, post-civ, egoism, nihilism, existentialism, spirituality. Magic, spiritual, anti-psychiatry Notes: The final version of the "When The Flame Extinguishes" poem, written by a suicidal anarchist occultist finding her way to survive in this civilization.
"When the Flame Annihilates"
TODAY WAS THE DAY IT WAS ALL GOING TO CHANGE
but then everything changed around me
no more connection and I'm broke
knowing I will be watched in every step I take
only a matter of time before I get locked up again
I can't take the ones who say they love me
but actually just want me to be the same
when looking at the gas chamber
blessed is the flame that rises in me
I would rather go out it an explosion of brains
than spend my life being domesticated
this world has no future
and the one i made for myself has been ruined
so its time I live
its time i eliminate my sadness and hatred
its time my flame destroys all
blessed in the flame that makes me risk losing my limbs
if that's the only way i wont stop to be free
a panoptic in my life has risen but they wont get me
no they wont get me never again
they wont get me
I will never suffer from their sense of authority cause
its time I stopped suffering
never again will I not be free
call me crazy call me a nihilist
I understand if you miss me
but I have been doomed by paranoid friends
and my small world that I created to escape
has been destroyed again
never to be rebuilt as I'm watched in every step
they wont watch as I fall down back to where I came from
I think I deserve to be at peace
I think I deserve to be happy now don't you think?
I'm embracing the Goddess to the last level
ego death isn't enough for my mental
complete annihilation is my only help
so if I break the glass today
know I did it with a smile on my face
if I'm locked in the glass again then you should be sad
my freedom is more important than my life
my world has collapsed, controlled and disciplined
I have been spanked by those who think they are above me
but if I can't be who I want then I would rather not be
please understand it
I want to become one with It
and there's no putting out the air that feeds the flame
that burns inside us and destroys all that tries to control us
even ourselves
the flames are rising it's time for my apocalypse
may the end of this civilization proceed
so if I'm no longer with you carry the torch that's all I ask for
I'm a freak saturnine until I die
if you are one too and you can keep burning
then I say burn it down
I don't wish to be a martyr
yet I can't stop thinking of all the pain this world has given
look into my eyes when my ghost visits you and know it's ok now I'm
finally ok
I finally escaped
and don't remember me
remember all I said
we need anarchy and this state to end
this state of pain managing capitalist protestant morals that's being
drilled into my brain
all the abuse that's called love I think I'm finally fed up
but we are together in wahdad al-wujud
whathever happens next wether i lose my life or my legs
you know authority is the enemy
kill it and I will be there to see
they said they don't want me to die slowly
they said they will control my life for me
that I'm my own enemy
so I will make it quick
my apocalypse has come
may civilization be next
i tried to overcome
and for some time I could
but i never wanted to exist
I'm disgusted and sad for people having kids
and now that it's all a ruin
I deserve to choose between to end or continue
in this life that's being forced upon me
if it ends, may Anubis guide me
and may you not feel sad reading this
instead feel anger for the authorities that stole my soul from me
the ones who killed me
listen to my ghost and get them for it
it's a matter of time before I get locked up
so I ask if there's turning back
you know the enemy
kill it
but I am not my enemy
I am my own unique
and there are people out there
with blood as black as me
violence from the state
violence from the police
violence from psychiatry
violence from economy
violence from culture
transphobia and abuse
I think tomorrow is a fine day to die
but not today
not while these things exist
I fled from authority and survived for now
I think tomorrow is a fine day to die
but not today
it's time we turn back the violence
don't you think too now?
long live Dysnomia