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Title: Nothing Succeeds Like Secession Author: Nicky Reid Date: June 29, 2020 Language: en Topics: CHAZ, secession Source: Retrieved on 17th June 2021 from https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/06/29/nothing-succeeds-like-secession-suggested-demands-for-chop-from-a-friendly-panarchist-ally/
I have always been fascinated by secessionist movements. It goes back to
my childhood love of maps, flags and geography. I use to spend hours
poring over atlases and fixating on the strange autonomous zones that
only existed inside fluid borders drawn in dotted lines. Strange places
no American ever spoke of, with exotic names like Transnistria, Gaza,
Nagorno-Karabakh, and Western Sahara. I would eventually grow into a
commie, Third World, war nerd who fastidiously followed and supported
these esoteric independence movements from afar.
Secession often gets a dirty name on the American left, thanks largely
to those slave driving frauds in the Confederacy who failed to get the
approval of the citizens they called property before calling it
splitsville. But globally speaking, secession has more often than not
been a practice which usually favors the colonized over the colonizers,
and one that could have given real teeth to the growing slave revolts of
the South had it been held to the standards of Thomas Paine.
All things considered, it’s really little wonder that after an
adolescent flirtation with Bolivarian Guevarism, I became a devoted
Panarchist, a school of anarchism that rejects globalism in favor of
militant localism, and dreams of a world of a million autonomous zones,
divided only by ideology and fluid dotted lines. So naturally I was
pretty fucking stoked when the goblins on my aging mother’s Fox News
programs began hyperventilating over CHAZ.
Born in the heat of urban social upheaval, the Capitol Hill Autonomous
Zone or CHAZ rose from the tear gas like a great anarchist kraken to
tantalize and toy with the posh gentrified towers of the purgatory the
tech industry has turned one of America’s fine outlaw cities into.
Finally, the freaks, faggots and crusty dreaded junkies had taken back a
six block piece of what had once been a thriving bohemian red light
district and transformed it into an outrageous post-apocalyptic utopia,
tattooed in graffiti and crawling with sketchy libertines who saunter
through the war torn avenues with exotically modified AR-15’s and
fluorescent colored dread-hawks. The only gas that fills these streets
now is the skunky fog emanating from flaming dumpsters and doobies the
size of dinosaur bones. A glorious cacophony of grindcore and lo-fi
Soundcloud rap bounces off the alleyways from a dozen feral
ghetto-blasters tapped into the city grid through hacked streetlamps, as
barely legal teen runaways go wild in the streets, shooting dark web
procured psychedelic tryptamines and eating each other’s taught assholes
beneath signs reading “You are now leaving the United States of
America.” Finally, the American left appears to have discovered the
magic of secession.
If only the vivid nightmares of Sean Hannity were a reality, the world
would be my wet dream. Those hysterical creatures who terrify the
elderly for a living always make the left look way cooler than it really
is. The somewhat disappointing reality is that the Capitol Hill
Autonomous Zone isn’t really an anarchist project. In fact, in its
latest capitulation to the melodramatic Karens of the straight world, it
isn’t even an autonomous zone anymore. CHAZ has become CHOP aka the
Capitol Hill Organized Protest, which may very well include a fair share
of anarchists among its contingency but is not in fact an anarchist
commune.
CHOP is a loose collaboration between Black Lives Matter and a number of
other Pacific Northwest protest movements, and aside from a recent
highly publicized spatter of the type of seemingly random acts of
violence inevitable in any new society, the whole thing has been almost
depressingly chill. That isn’t to say that CHOP ain’t worth defending.
As a Panarchist and a pan-secessionist, I try my damnedest to support
all indigenous alternatives to the state, and the first half of the CHOP
formerly known as CHAZ’s original list of demands is a spot on assault
on the local Seattle police state, calling for the wholesale abolition
of the pigs and their prison system, as well as degentrification and
increased autonomy for local anti-crime initiatives.
Sadly, the second half is bereft with the social-democratic gimme
culture of the Bernie buttfucked left. After rightfully calling out the
chattel style slavery of this nation’s school-to-prison system, CHOP
calls for blank checks to centralized education and healthcare systems
without properly addressing the totalitarian architecture of these
industries and their incestuous marriage to the injustice system CHOP
came to stomp out. CHOP also suffers from this generation’s dreadful
lack of imagination. As proven by their name change concession, the
partisans of CHOP underestimate the power of shocking the bourgeoisie.
They lack the theatrical flourish of the Youth International Party, the
Black Liberation Army, or the Situationist International.
True revolutionaries are never going to win over the adults out their in
TV land. But you can win over their jaded children by spooking their
normie parents. The greatest blow ever delivered to White Supremacy was
the day a Dixiecrat congressman came home from voting for the latest
Clinton crime bill to find his lily-white teenage daughter in bed with
the undocumented housekeeper, scissoring to the latest NWA album
blasting from the family HiFi system. We need to shock and provoke. CHOP
needs to own the bad rep Fox has fortuitously bestowed upon them because
it might be their greatest weapon in a cultural war for the hearts and
minds of the terminally bored.
With all this in mind, I’ve decided to write up a few new demands for
CHOP to consider if they wish to remain lethal to the outside system
which may very well be sabotaging them from within as we speak. The Feds
weren’t above “random” gangland shootings during Cointelpro, and who is
Trump but the Satanic reincarnation of Dick Nixon. I remind all of you
dearest motherfuckers, especially those within CHOP, to take my
suggestions with a grain of salt or two. They are but the wild ramblings
of an agoraphobic, genderqueer, pale-faced, suburban armchair anarchist
from the other end of the country. Think of them as a few friendly
suggestions from a Panarchist ally. I only pray to Christ and Kali that
they reach you before Seattle steamrolls the whole damn thing. If not,
save them for next time, because their will always be a next time.
I, Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit, speaking as the biologically male
autonomous zone occupied by a genderflux coven of a dozen lesbian
femmes, hereby suggest the following demands for consideration by the
Capital Hill Organized Protest or however you may choose to
self-identify this week.
armed and unarmed peacekeepers, free of influence from the outside
police state, including but not limited to the defense of our citizens
and the investigation and subsequent mode of restorative justice we
choose to handle those who harm them. We will not be a party to the
mockery of justice that the outside police state uses to fight crime.
That fight is a fight against poor people and it will not be allowed to
be waged within this space.
militias promised to us by the United States Constitution, and we
reserve the right to stand our ground against all enemies, foreign or
domestic, whether they wear a badge or a bandana.
Seattle city limits, not just the metropolitan PD, but the Sheriffs
Department, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the DEA, the ATF, the IRS, ICE
and the Border Patrol. Seattle must become a demilitarized zone. We
recognize the police state as being a lethal injection table held up by
many legs and we aim to saw them all off and ride that deathbed like a
surfboard to liberty across the Puget Sound.
Durkin, perform an unplugged rendition of “All Apologies” on bended
knee, while wearing a pilgrim buckle hat. We don’t think this will do
much to heal any wounds. We just think it would be fucking funny. Fuck
her and all her empty platitudes to social justice.
free game for squatters to shelter in or on and transform into
additional autonomous zones of their own, if they so wish. This includes
the palatial vacation homes and pool houses of the tech magnates who
have made this city unlivable for poor people.
their armaments to the local homeless shelters, so that the most
desperate among us have the same means as the rich to defend themselves
from gentrification.
schools can’t stimulate their student’s attention, it isn’t the students
who should be penalized for their failings.
grade their teachers and that these grades have the same affect on the
faculties upward mobility as the grades they give do the student’s,
eliminating ageist class divisions and insuring equitable treatment.
provided with unions of their own and that all deals made with the
teacher’s unions be contingent upon the approval of said student unions,
so as to create equality inside the classroom and out.
be governed by autonomous democratic councils made up of patients and
healthcare providers, including representation for nurses and orderlies
that is proportional to their percentage of the workforce.
military industrial complex be permanently evicted from city limits
under threat of local prosecution in tandem with international law for
conspiracy to commit crimes against humanity.
of $10 million or more, since these citizens are undoubtedly the
recipients of federal corporate welfare. Consider it a tax on the
federal government that rob us all blind. If said individuals don’t like
it, they can leave and take they’re skyrocketing property values with
them. All other taxes within city limits shall be 100% voluntary.
autonomous administrative division, free from further federal regulation
and taxation, with the full right to govern itself however it’s
citizenry sees fit and with the full right to secede completely from the
Union if they see fit. A right once guaranteed in the Declaration of
Independence as a stopgap to the growth of the kind of tyranny that has
gone unchallenged in this country and made our existence a necessity for
self-defense. America chose to become an authoritarian regime. We the
people choose to opt out.
Submitted for your humble consideration, from one malcontent to another.