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A Poetry tDrop
by Wetdryvac
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Ashes
February 17, 1992
I wake alone as always
I cry out as I always do
I dream of a darkness nothing place
inside my real world
I do no know why I am as I am
always closing myself away
not telling anything
but that which it is I cannot share
how I get low dragging myself to the ground
always almost reaching out to trust
then pulling back
it is why I am loosing my ability to recover
not quite giving in, but getting closer
this is a dream called depression
where all of the world is not quite your enemy
when you can ��t touch or feel a thing
all left to one final soul chilling cold in the night
unfilled ��
this is a dream of a certainty to sorrow
where you watch your world cave in
you try to pick it up
but it falls
dragging you down, dragging you down
it falls
and you let go
of all you care for
wishing that you could reach out
reticent ��
sure of a denial of all you are
you can ��t reach out
for every time you try to touch
it is like holding your hand in the whitest flame
hot and soul searing, ephemeral ��
crying in the mind you can only fall back
for this way you don ��t hurt those around you
you hope ��
it hurts, you see
when all you can feel is pain
your own and a knowledge of that which you cause others
you can ��t let go or you fall
you can hang on or you take them with you
in either case an ending
and it grows colder in your mind
I know
I have seen what it is like
out in the shadows
I still live in darkness myself
and though I grasp
at every possible moment of love there is
it grows pale
a dead gray rose
I fall
for lack of contact I am sinking
into the well of depression I have made
nothing left ��
and so I think of my favorite songs
and though there is nothing left
I must linger on
cold I am
so cold
but the other path is not for me
a choice only of the fool
to breed pain ��
so I wait
sinking
I will never be able to know myself
or you, I think
or anyone
I just put on my face and walk
no bravery do I claim
just trying to survive
looking for a way out that is not an ending
looking for peace
trying always to trust
but never able to bare myself
I close in
in my mind
almost but not quite letting go
in a dream that some will call depression
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With thanks to the good folks at Hackers.Town for answering the very
n00best of questions, with the following people politely [REDACTED].
May your time go in a manner you consent to.
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