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FUN AT THE ZOO
Yet another file by: DIzzIE '99
This is one of those files that really doesn't need an introduction. Here are some things to do next time you go to the zoo, (wow that rhymes!).
1. Bring some laxatives, crack, steroids, or something else and put it in the animals' food, or just give it to them by hand.
2. Bring a b-b gun or a pellet gun. Bring the smallest one that you have. Hide it under your coat and when you feel the time is right shoot the animals. Try to get them in the forehead or the ass. For even more fun wait until an employee comes up to the animal (preferably an elephant) and then shoot it (the elephant).
3. Bring a laser pointer. Shine it in the animals' eyes. Also for better results wait until an employee comes up to the animal. He-He.
4. When you approach a cage look for a door right next to it that says "do not enter," or "employees only," open the door, they are usually left unlocked during the day. If you don't see a door right next to the cage keep walking. You should sooner or later see a door with the above warning signs on it. Open the door and step inside. Keep walking until you see the backs of the cages. The doors to the cages are usually only latched and not locked. So just unlatch all the doors, open them wide, open the door you came in from, step out side, and whistle really loud, or do something else to startle the animals. Then step aside and watch them run out into the zoo. If you did everything just right you should soon here something along the lines of " Oh my god, that lion is eating my baby," or "Help, the rhinoceros just shit on me!"
5. Before you go to the zoo dress up in clothes made up of animals. For example you can wear crocodile shoes, a mink fur coat, ivory bracelets, and a hat with feathers from rare birds. They can't kick you out because you are a paying costumer, but everybody's reaction to your suit will be quite humorous.
6. In front of the zoo set up a barbecue grill and put some regular meat on it. Put a sign next to it that says something like "rare giraffe meat," or "fresh eagle breast." For extra protection if you want you can go and ask for a permit, just say you are with a popular company (preferably one of the zoo's sponsors), and you would just like to sell food. That way when the nice police officer wants to kick you out you show him the pretty permit, smile and offer him some monkey stew.
7. In front of the zoo set up a table and draw the NRA (National Rifle Association) or the NAHC ( North American Hunting Club) logo on a poster board and put it on your table. Make some pamphlets about the best hunting spots, the newest guns, and the top 10 ten best ways to skin an animal.
If you have any questions you can always email me at xcon0@yahoo.com or fax me at 1-559-663-4067
-T0oOtles everyone!