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A Panacea for Cheezy Movies
Copyright (c) 1994, L. Shawn Aiken
All rights reserved
A Panacea for Cheezy Movies
by L. Shawn Aiken
As a child in the 70's I would drag myself out of bed on Saturday
mornings and watch Scooby Doo, Pebbles and Bam Bam, and the Grape Ape. But
the real fun came after the cartoons. Saturday Sci Fi Theater it was called,
and once a week I would revel in the sights of Godzilla smashing Tokyo,
vampires turning into bats, and brave astronauts shooting at martians in deep
space. It was my favorite form of entertainment.
Then Star Wars came out. My world shattered. I realized that science
fiction movies could have plots. They could have good dialogue. They could
have special effects where you could swear you were seeing the real thing. I
realized Godzilla was nothing but a Japanese guy in a rubber suit. I saw the
strings holding up the fake looking vampire bat. I understood that you could
not fire a revolver in a vacuum. Depressed and embittered, I turned my back
on b-movies.
One day in early 1992 while I was channel surfing, I came upon one of
these old movies. It was "The Amazing Colossal Man", the story of a man named
Glen, who, through a nuclear accident, grows to tremendous proportions. But
something was wrong. There was a silhouette of theater seats across the
bottom, with three figures sitting there. But they were not just sitting
there, they were cracking jokes about the movie. But more than that - they
were fighting back. I was intrigued.
Later I found out its name - Mystery Science Theatre 3000. My mother
had told me about it. She thought she had inadvertently turned the television
to a religious channel and stumbled upon Christians pointing out evil things
in movies. What she had thought was the silhouette of a devil was in fact
Crow T. Robot, one of the stars of the show. The devil's horns turned out to
be a lacrosse mask, Crow's "ear devices".
The premise of the show is this: Two mad scientists, Dr. Forrester
and TV's Frank, become angry with their janitor, Joel Robinson, so they shoot
him into space. Aboard the "Satellite of Love", Joel is forced to watch
cheesy movies while the Mads monitor his mind and try to break him. To help
him keep his sanity, Joel builds two robots, Crow and Tom Servo, and together
they assault the movie of the week with their lightning comebacks and
scimitar wit. In fact, in a two hour episode, they come up average of 700
comebacks. That's over five a minute.
But It's not just the sheer volume of jokes in each episode - it's the
quality. Whether dealing with bad monster flicks to 50's beatnik movies,
they're always loaded with ammunition. During the wonderful gem Rocket Attack
USA, Joel notes, "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying."
While watching the film Rocketship XM, Crow makes a log entry for the stars,
saying, "Dear Diary: Well, we're all going to die and it's my fault. Our
fiery demise is imminent, but at least I have my health, knock on wood." And
in the stinkburger Earth vs. the Spider, Tom Servo lets us know that "no
spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional
distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we
have two letters from doctors confirming this."
Joel Hodgson created the show back in 1988 for KTMA, a UHF station in
Minneapolis. He also played the Mad's victim, Joel Robinson, from it's
beginning until late 1993. After 22 shows had been made the concept was sold
to HBO, who put it on their fledgling network, Comedy Central. The staff left
KTMA and formed an MST3K production company called Best Brains. The show has
become so popular that the network airs it every day for almost 24 hours a
week. Joel recently left the show to pursue other things. Mike Nelson, the
head writer for the show, replaced Joel as the Mad Scientists' new victim.
One MST3K fixtures is Turkey Day. The first episode of MST3K was
aired on Thanksgiving, 1988, and it has become an annual event. Each
Thanksgiving, Comedy Central airs 30 or more hours of the show in a row, to
the delight of the fans and to the scourge of their football spectating
relatives.
Above all, the high point of the show is it's fans, commonly referred
to as Misties. There are some 50,000 "official" fans. They have a tool that
Trekkers of the 70s could only have dreamed of - computer networks, allowing
them to range far and wide in their quest for like-minded people. Mike
Slusher, known as Bot Snak and the Sysop of the Deep 13 BBS, describes them
thus, "MSTies are the greatest people I know. I know that sounds trite, but
it's true. they seem to be very warm and loyal to each other and have
boundless enthusiasm for everything MST."
Misties can be found on many networks throughout the country and the
world. CompuServe has perhaps the most Misty activity, but there are Misties
on America On-Line, GEnie, NVN, Internet, Prodigy, and the burgeoning People
Together Network. Many Misties were scattered to the wind when Prodigy raised
its rates in the summer of 1993, and as Mike Slusher said, "Prodigy was good
for it's sheer number of messages, but it was ruled by evil dictators that
would always ruin the fun." Misties can also be found on many local BBSes,
their messages being echoed through nets such as RIME and WME.
Why do people "become" Misties? Perhaps Chris Cornell, a Misty know
as Sampo, explain it best. "I'm a MSTie, and unafraid to admit it, for two
reasons. First, because in more than 30 years of watching TV, and 10 years of
reviewing it professionally, MST3K is the single most intelligent, thoughtful,
positive, elegant and side-splittingly funny comedy series I have ever
encountered. Period. Second, because the more I meet and talk to other MSTies,
the more I discover what an utterly charming group of people they are. I have
a saying: "I never met a MSTie I didn't like." And when I do meet somebody
irritating who claims to be a MSTie, I'm not surprised to discover, later,
that they really could care less about the show and are just a hanger-on.
It's happened over and over. The show attracts the nicest class of people:
intelligent, sweet, polite and always very funny."
These "on-line" Misties have always yearned to know their pals behind
the computer screen better. They've exchanged photos, they've had small Misty
parties, but as of yet, nothing has compared to the MSTieWeen party of 1992.
Rockclimber, also know as Laura Kelley, described to me how it came about in
an interview. There were some plans for a convention in the late fall of 92,
but those plans petered out. Then Debbie Tobin, know as Kim C. on Prodigy,
decided to have a MST Halloween Party at her home in Edina, Minnesota. A
Comedy Central employee named Naomi who frequents some of the computer
networks was contacted about it. Laura said that they were "hoping for maybe
a bag of Doritos, or maybe a party platter," but Naomi said that they might be
able to do more. Best Brains had not made any intros for the upcoming Turkey
Day Marathon, so they decided to film the party instead, and let the party be
the intro. And they catered the event. There the Misties were, dressed up in
Halloween garb, meeting face to face and being broadcast to America at the
same time. It was a sight few will forget.
So, I have found goodness in b-movies after all. Well, perhaps not
goodness, but a good way to look at the badness, and make it good. Isn't that
what life's all about. If they hand you lemons, just make lemonade.
MST3K BBSES
Deep 13 - (215) 943-9526 (Levittown, PA) Sysop, Mike Slusher
Satellite Of Love BBS - (513) 563-0759 (Cincinnati, OH) Sysop, Bob Poirier
Satellite Of Love BBS - (619) 487-0690 (San Diego, CA)
MST3K Publications
BrainFood - BrainFood, C/O Rock Climber, 2252 S.E. Holland St., Port St. Lucie,
FL 34952
Crow's Nest - Crow's Nest, PO Box 3825, Evansville, IN 47736-3825
Digest Digest - Digest Digest, 953 Rose Arbor Dr., San Marcos, CA 92069-4584
MST3K Manifesto - C/O #12888, 6216 N. 23rd Street, Arlington, VA 22205