💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › talkbizr.txt captured on 2023-01-29 at 08:41:40.
⬅️ Previous capture (2020-10-31)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@dao.nrc.ca (Michael Rigler)
Subject: T.B Boxed Edition
Message-ID: <1992Dec11.033233.26164@sol.UVic.CA>
Reply-To: rigler@dao.nrc.ca
Organization: DAO/CADC .
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 92 03:32:33 GMT
Lines: 372
TALK.BIZARRE, The Board Game !!!
(copyright 1992 by Rigler-Labs)
The game is played on a square board, with four corner squares plus 23 squares
between two corners of each side. In addition, there are places in the middle
of the board reserved for stacks of cards and counters:
(start here) ----------->
+-------------------------------------------------------+
|lur | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |new | |
| ker| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | bie| |
|zone| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |zone| |
|----+---------------------------------------------+----| |
|----| |----| V
|----| / \ / \ |----|
|----| / \ / \ |----|
|----| /clue \ /flame\ |----|
|----| \ \ / / |----|
|----| \ cards\ / cards/ |----|
|----| \ / \ / |----|
|----| \ / \ / |----|
|----| \ / \ / |----|
|----| |----|
|----| |----|
|----| |----|
|----| |----|
|----| __ |----|
|----| / \ |----|
|----| /vol \ |----|
|----| / cano\ |----|
|----| / \ |----|
|----| / cards \ |----|
|----| \__________/ |----|
|----| |----|
^ |----| |----|
| |----+---------------------------------------------+----|
| |old | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |cave|
| | bie| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |newt|
| |zone| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |zone|
+-------------------------------------------------------+
<-----
INTRODUCTION:
The "T.B, the Board Game" duplicates all the action of a typical month
of talk.bizarre! From the creative postings of most respected oldbie, to
the hapless struggling of the most mediocre cavenewt, and yes, even down
to the pathetic mewlings of the rankest newbie--you will be there! You
will cringe from the heat of the flamewars and the razor sharp wit of the
repartee! You will experience the thrill of posting great articles, the
shame of posting pathetic articles, and the surge of triumph as you show
no mercy, pushing your fellow players over the brink of the volcano...
Yes, "T.B, the Board Game" brings all the action straight to you. Now you
can play in your home, in your car, in the nude, with family and friends...
anyway you like it! No more need to bother with expensive computer accounts
and bothersome electronic gear like computers and modems. Each boxed kit
contains all you need: one (1) t.b. gameboard, two (2) six-sided dice,
one (1) deck of "flame" cards, one (1) deck of "clue" cards, and one (1)
deck of "volcano" cards. Open your kit now and examine its contents,
beginning with the gameboard...
The corners are four "zones" which represent levels of attainment in t.b:
Player begin as "lurkers" in the Lurker Zone, and try to progress through
the Newbie Zone, the CaveNewt Zone and the Oldbie Zone, with the ultimate
goal of traversing the entire board and becoming a "Respected Oldbie." On
their journey, the players will encounter many pitfalls, such as flamewars,
"Carasso traps", and the dreaded "misc.test trick." If players are not care-
ful, they will lose their accounts or face interrogation by the F.B.I.
The most fortunate players, however, will "get a clue." Now, shuffle and
place the cards in their respective positions on the gameboard, and proceed
to the rules section...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE RULES (for 3-10 players):
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The players each select a game piece. A game piece is any solid object
that can be found in the immediate vicinity having dimensions less than
or equal to 2cm x 2cm x2cm and a density of not more than 400 gm/cm**3.
Highly reactive substances such as plutonium, antimatter and very small
robots are permitted. When every player has selected a game piece, all
of the pieces are simultaneously placed within the Lurker Zone on the
gameboard and left alone for 60 seconds. After 60 seconds, any pieces
remaining in the Lurker Zone are still in the game.
2. The remaining players each throw one dice to see who goes first. Ties
are re-rolled. The player rolling the highest number goes first, and
play proceeds counter-clockwise around the table for the rest of the
game.
3. A player's "turn" will generally consist of rolling two die and advancing
his or her playing piece that many squares forward (clockwise around the
board), and following the instructions on the final square occupied. These
instructions may require that the playing piece be further moved, either
forwards or backwards, in which case the playing piece is moved to its
new position immediately but the instructions on that square are ignored.
The exceptions to this rule are when a player enters or leaves a Zone
(see below), or enters the "All Out Flamewar" square (see below).
4. Entering and leaving a Zone (one of the corner squares): When a player
advances his piece into a Zone (from either direction), he or she must
stop and end the turn on that Zone. When exiting a Zone, only one dice
is rolled instead of the usual two die. This includes the first move
of the game, during which a player exits the Lurker Zone.
5. A player whose piece occupies the first side of the board (not including
the Newbie Zone), is called a "lurker." On any turn after a lurker's
initial turn, he or she may opt to advance directly to the Newbie Zone
instead of rolling two die and progressing sequentially along the side
of the board. The advantage in doing this is that it gets a player
out of the lurker side more quickly, but at the cost of "clue points"
(see below).
6. When a lurker's game piece is advanced to a lurker square, the message
on the square indicates the key articles that that player was fortunate
enough to read during a Usenet session. The number after the messages
is the number of "clue points" gained by reading those articles. Players
should keep track of accumulated clue points using a pencil and paper
(not included -- oops, I should have mentioned that above, oh well).
Some of the square give the player the option of continuing to lurk
(i.e., moving their playing piece the designated number of square
backwards).
7. Players become "newbies" by advancing to the Newbie Zone. Newbies try
to advance up the second side of the board, where the square contain
messages requiring the player to either (a) move an additional number
of squares forwards (+) or backwards (-), or (b) draw a card from the
flame, clue or volcano decks, and follow the instructions on that
card. Some cards carry instructions, while some reward the player with
additional clue points or take clue points away (see description of
cards below)
Player become "cavenewts" by advancing to the CaveNewt Zone, and
"oldbies" by advancing to the Oldbie Zone. The rules for cavenewts
and oldbies are the same as those described above for newbies, except
that we all know who is better.
8. When a player who is a newbie, a cavenewt or an oldbie ends his turn on a
square containing the gamepeice(s) of another player or players, he or
she has the option of "flaming" any one of those players. A player
flames another player by rolling one dice and adding that number to the
total number of clue points that he or she has at that time. The player
being flamed then "counterflames" by rolling one dice and adding his
or her total number of clue points. The two number are compared and
the player with the higher total has "outflamed" the other and gains
a number of clue points equal to the total showing on the two dice,
while the victim loses a corresponding number of clue points (down
to a minimum of zero clue points). Note that it is possible for the
outcome of a flame war to be preditermined if a flamer has many more
clue points than the victim. C'est la fucking vie, as they say.
9. After a player rolls to move, he or she may opt to convert clue points
into additional squares of forward movement at a rate of ten clue points
per square of movement. This maneouver is typically used to avoid some
cruel fate (like landing on a volcano square), to end a move on the square
of another player in order to flame, or to reach some desired goal like
the final square.
10. The final square (adjacent to the Lurker Zone) is the "All out Flamewar"
square. A player whose gamepiece reaches this square stops all movement
and immediately proceeds to "flame" all other remaining non-lurker
players, in any order, using the flaming rules described above. This is
the final battle, to determine whether or not the player becomes a
"respected oldbie" and wins the game:
If the flamer outflames every other player, he or she wins the game, but
if the flamer fails to outflame one of the other players, then the flamer
must stop flaming and immediately move back to the Oldbie Zone.
Additionally, any of the other non-lurker players who is outflamed by
the flamer is moved backwards to the nearest Zone, except newbies,
who are blasted out of the game. But if any other newbie or cave-newt
players manage to outflame the flamer, then they immediately advance
forwards to the next Zone. Oldbies who outflame the flamer do not
get to move forwards.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE GAME BOARD (squares are listed in sequence, moving clockwise around
the board):
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LURKER ZONE (corner square)
sparky tells a tale (3 clue points...)
dominus, ranjit and yarvin make exceedingly clever remarks (2)
hamlet, dschmidt, buzzard and the brothers schnitzius say something funny (1)
gypsy suffers angst (1)
gooley and shergold make a non-sequitur (2)
nj, morrissa, and billbill write something delightful (3)
RICHH writes a Karen story (3)
lstewart flames DAC most unwholesomely (2)
lordsnooty, starcap'n ra and drieux write something sarcastic (1)
woods, lippert, blair, and johnson post one-liners (1)
more articles from canetoad! (2)
vail, zed, larne, fawcett and thorne write something ingenious (3)
you may opt to lurk some more (go back 10 spaces or stay here)
cj writes about coffee stirrers (3)
tswaterman, chaos and m.d'nereverri write something haunting (2)
clifton, dorsey and rpwhite say something technical (1)
shergold, cannon, travaglia, solberg and cosyn spin amusing yarns (1)
legare, sabbott, woodyatt and mrx write something disturbing (2)
sho is back! (3)
bc, ljd and ajd write about finches and guitars (3)
mantis, jackson, thoth, benth, vacca and byrd write something wonderful (2)
xian, st. terri and yong-mi kim comment drily (1)
you may opt to lurk some more (go back 10 spaces or stay here)
NEWBIE ZONE (corner square)
you use a stale catchphrase -1 (go back one square...)
you try your hand at Rictus Hep and blow it -1
you fall for a Carasso "newbie trap" -2
you fall for the misc.test trick -2