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AUGUST 2, 1983 T-SHIRTS THE HUMAN BUMPERSTICKER WHAT THE BUMPERSTICKER IS TO OUR CAR, THE T-SHIRT HAS BECOME TO OUR BODY. THE FACT IS, OF COURSE, THAT THE T-SHIRT, WITH ITS WIDE OPEN SPACES FOR GRAPHICS AND ART, OUTPERFORMS THE BUMPERSTICKER ON MOST FRONTS (NO PUN INTENDED). IT OFFERS A SCOPE, IMPACT AND INDIVIDUALIZED MESSAGE BEFITTING A PERSONAL MEDIUM OF EXPRESSION WHICH GOES AROUND WITH ONE'S FACE HOVERING PERPETUALLY OVER IT. T-SHIRT PORTENTS PRIMARILY FALL INTO THE CATEGORY OF CRYPTIC COMMENTARY, ARTISTIC EXPRESSION AND THE PLACE AND/OR EVENT SOUVENIER SORT WHICH BOAST WHERE AND WITH WHOM THE WEARER HAS ASSOCIATED - (OR WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ASSOCIATED BUT COULDN'T GET THERE AND SO WAS REDUCED TO PURCHASING THROUGH THE MAIL.) "GET STUFFED" WOULD BELONG IN THE FIRST CATEGORY, A WRAP-AROUND PRINT OF PICASSO'S "GUERNICA" IN THE SECOND, AND JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE THIRD. THE THIRD CATEGORY IS BY FAR THE LARGEST AND CERTAINLY THE ONE TO WHICH MOST T-SHIRTS WORN AROUND WILLIAMSBURG BELONG. COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG ITSELF DOESN'T GET INTO T-SHIRTS (EXCEPT ON WEEKENDS, AROUND THE HOUSE PERHAPS). THE MARKETING DEPARTMENT WOULD ONLY SAY, WITH A SLIGHTLY DERISIVE AIR, THAT T-SHIRTS "ARE NOT OUR LINE." BUT WILLIAMSBURG-ORIENTED T-SHIRTS ARE THE MAJOR ITEM AT T-SHIRT OUTLETS LIKE PEABODY'S OUT ON ROUTE 60: EVERYTHING FROM THE UBIQUITOUS AND INFURIATING "I LOVE WILLIAMSBURG" WITH THE UBIQUITOUS AND INFURIATING HEART, TO "I SURVIVED THE ECONOMIC SUMMIT." AND T-SHIRTS ARE "A TOP ITEM" AS WELL AT BUSCH GARDENS, ACCORDING TO DEBRA JENNEMANN OF THE BUSCH PUBLIC AFFAIRS OFFICE. SHE SAYS THE MOST POPULAR MODEL IS THE "I SURVIVED THE LOCH NESS MONSTER" FEATURING THE DOUBLE, INTERLOCKING LOOPS OF THE BEAST EMBLAZONED ON THE BREAST. TOURISM T-SHIRTS, LIKE ROCK CONCERT T-SHIRTS, SHOW THAT THE WEARER HAS SURVIVED SOME EXTRAORDINARY RITE OF PASSAGE. THOSE WHO HAVE ATTENDED ROLLING STONES CONCERTS HAVE, IN FACT, THE RIGHT TO CONSIDER THEMSELVES BATTLE-HARDENED VETERANS. THIS IS SIGNIFICANT IN THAT THE VERY FIRST T-SHIRTS WERE STOLEN OR BOUGHT OFF FRENCH TROOPS BY AMERICAN DOUGHBOYS IN WW I. THE US ARMY HAD ORIGINALLY SENT SOLDIERS OFF TO FIGHT IN LONG-SLEEVED, WOOLEN UNDERSHIRTS. EASY TO GUESS WHY THE LIGHT, COTTON-KNIT, SHORT SLEEVE SHIRTS WERE PREFERRED. THE AMERICAN MILITARY DID CATCH ON, THOUGH, AND BY WW II THE NAVY HAD REPLACED THE OLD TANK-TYPE, TWO STRAP UNDERSHIRT (THE U-SHIRT?) WITH THE NEW "SKIVVY" SHIRT. BUT THE T-SHIRT REALLY HIT ITS STRIDE WHEN MARLON BRANDO, PLAYING STANLEY KOWALSKI IN PROVOCATIVELY TORN T-SHIRT, YELLED "STELLAAAAH!" IN THE 1951 FILM "A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE." JAMES DEAN, ELVIS AND AMERICA SOON FOLLOWED SUIT (OR SHIRT, IN THIS CASE). IN THE LATE 50'S THE ART OF THE AIRBRUSH, ORIGINALLY APPLIED TO CARS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, BEGAN TO APPEAR ON THE FORMERLY STARK WHITE T-SHIRTS OF DRIVERS: FLAMES, SKULLS; IMMODESTLY DRESSED WOMEN. LIKE OTHER PLAGUES FROM THE WEST COAST, THIS ONE SOON SPREAD, HITTING TRUE VIRULENCE IN THE 60'S WHEN T-SHIRTS AND JEANS BECAME THE UNIFORM OF YOUTH. EDITH MAYO, A POLITICAL HISTORY CURATOR IN THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE'S MUSEUM OF AMERICAN HISTORY ADDS THAT "AFTER THE MID-60'S, T-SHIRTS BECAME A MAJOR FORM OF POLITICAL COMMUNICATION AND EXPRESSION -- A POLITICAL STREET MEDIUM..." YES, THE SMITHSONIAN, LIKE THE REST OF US, HAS ITS OWN COLLECTION OF T-SHIRTS, INCLUDING A RARE "DEW-IT-WITH DEWEY" MODEL FROM THE '48 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN. CHECK YOUR OWN BOTTOM DRESSER DRAWER. YOU MAY HAVE A COLLECTOR'S ITEM LYING WADDED UP AND MILDEWING IN OBSCURITY. HOW ABOUT THAT FADED BUT BEAUTIFUL 1948 ROY ROGERS JOB, OR THAT OLD ELVIS T WITH HIS GREATEST HITS ON IT? OR MAYBE YOU HAVE THAT REMBRANDT OF T-SHIRTS, THE 1939 CLASSIC "OZ" SHIRT FROM THE FILM OF THE SAME NAME. AND THERE ARE OTHERS: THOMAS JEFFERSON'S WILLIAM AND MARY ATHLETIC GREY T-SHIRT; RICHARD THE LIONHEART'S "THE CRUSADES WERE A GROOVE" DAY-GLO T; OR THE LEGENDARY "I SURVIVED THE FLOOD" T-SHIRTS SUPPOSEDLY WORN BY NOAH'S TEENAGE BOYS. THE T-SHIRT, AS WE KNOW IT TODAY - A MODE OF PERSONAL EXPRESSION - IS AN APPROPRIATELY AMERICAN PHENOMENON. AMERICANS EMPLOY AND ENJOY FREE SPEECH TO AN EXTENT UNKNOWN ANYWHERE ELSE. EVEN THOSE TOO RESERVED TO WEAR THEIR HEART ON THEIR SLEEVE ARE OFTEN FOUND WEARING THEIR RELIGION, POLITICS, ART, PHILOSOPHY, OR MOST RECENT WHERABOUTS ON THEIR CHEST. IT'S ALL PART OF THE ART OF COMMUNICATION. AND THEY SAY CONVERSATION IS DEAD. OH. HOW THE T-SHIRT GOT ITS NAME? WELL, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THE ORIGINAL FRENCH ARMY UNDERSHIRT WAS ACTUALLY SHAPED LIKE A "W" AND CALLED THE "C-SHIRT" - "C" FOR "CHAMOIS," OR SOMETHING INSCRUTABLY FRENCH, WHICH IS THEIR WORD FOR "SHIRT." THE "T" IS SIMPLY A MISTRANSLATION. HONEST.