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S E A S T O R Y
The following story is courtesy of The Admiral:
Back in about 1968 or 69, we made port in Yokosuka, Japan. Seemed like
a nice sort of place to be for a bunch of crazy sailors. We'd been there
before, so it was a place to go visit one's known funspots and have some
good times with familiar faces. This time was different though, we wanted
some new action.
We ended up walking into a dimly lit lonely bar, which, when one looked
real close, looked like it ought to be a real armpit. Just the kind of place
we were looking for. We sat down at the bar and ordered a round. Well, one
of the crazies I was with was approached by a middle-aged hooker who sure
looked like she had seen better days. We were all pretty loaded, so she
probably looked a bit better than she was, but... who cares?
She started sweet talking our buddy and grabbed his cock a couple of
times just to let him know she was interesting.
She started whispering in his ear, and he began to laugh and quickly
pulled out his wallet. He slapped about 50,000 Yen on the bar (it was 360 to
the dollar then) and got off the bar stool. He was really laughing now, and
he started to undo his belt and unzip his pants. At the same time, this
sweet innocent thing was beginning to lie down on the floor and he kept
taking his clothes off.
We asked them what was up, and our crazy friend said, "This broad just
told me that no matter how much I bet her, or how much I have the urge, I
can't squat down and shit in her face." Being somewhat of a crowd of jokers,
we all thought that sounded like a great bet, especially when this guy told
us that to top it off, he had the urge to dump right then and there. Well,
she was lying on the floor now, and he had dropped his drawers, and he
squat down over her and began to grunt and groan. We were all whooping it
up at the sight of this, when we noticed that the gal was blowing softly
in our friends's asshole. Then we could see him with a funny look on his
face, and then strain even harder. Well, she kept this up and finally, no
matter how hard he would grunt and groan, he realized that he couldn't shit.
With her blowing into his asshole, he kept puckering up cuz it tickled and
he just couldn't go. Naturally, he lost his bet and went back to the ship in
a foul mood from the loss.
Now, you might think the story is over, but no, our hero started thinking
that he had to outwit this broad, so he thought carefully and the next day
he went around to everyone he knew and started collecting all the money he
could get his hands on. He wanted to make the hooker and the bar running the
scam really pay for their sins!
Soon, there was quite a following as word spread of the plan. We all
started for town, but had to make a quick stop at the base exchange. He
went in and bought a box of Exlax, and promptly ate the whole thing. Well,
that stuff may take awhile to work, but when you down a whole box, it seems
to work miraculously fast. He started getting stomach cramps and really
feeling like he was going to die. Next thing we know, there we are at the
same bar, with the same hooker, and the same bartender.
Our crazy friend went right up to the gal and offered to up the wager,
telling her he just knew he could do it. Obviously this scam had been going
on for quite some time, cuz it must have netted them alot of cash. She
immediately accepted, and lay right down on the floor.
Ray (our buddy) couldn't get his pants off fast enough. He was tearing
at his belt buckle and moving like a man possessed. As soon as he dropped
trou, he squatted over her face. She didn't even have time to pucker up.
If you've ever seen anything gross, nothing seems to compare to the sight
of a middle aged hooker laying on the floor of a scuzzy dimly lit bar, with
a crazy sailor squatting over her face while he lets fly with the shit of
the century. She was sputtering, coughing, and basically clawing to get
away from this awful mess and Ray was just as content as could be, letting
fly with his smelly mess. I never saw a happier guy. I guess that's why I
always believed in his motto. "I don't get mad, and I don't get even...
I get ahead!"
Hope you can all go right out and have a Snickers bar now...