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From pa1213@sdcc13.ucsd.edu Wed Nov 15 17:44:05 1989
From: pa1213@sdcc13.ucsd.edu (--= B-^-T-M-^-N =--)
Subject: Law School
My brother, a third year UCLA law student recently sent me an interesting
list of comparision between lawyers-to-be and not-to-be. He called it:
A LAW SCHOOL CHRONOLOGY
-----------------------
First Year, First Semester:
LAWYER-TO-BE LAWYER-NOT-TO-BE
- Always raise hand in class. - Extreme fear lightened with strong
- Carry fifty pounds of books doses of nausea.
with ease. - Inability to answer any questions.
- Pursue professors. - Wild crushes on female students
- Begin drafting a law review ( for male ), on male students (F).
article. - Study hours on end using assigned
course books written by professors.
First Year ,Second Semester:
- Always raise hand in class - Extreme nausea lightened with strong
while calling out the answers. doses of fear.
- Carry seventy-five pounds of - Inability to say anything other than
books with ease. a case number and date.
- Become assistant to tenured - Study hours on ends using horn books.
professors.
First Year ,Summer:
- Work as law intern at father's - Work as an auto mechanic.
law firm.
Second Year, First Semester:
- Organize study group. - Discover law ponies that synopsize
- Have friends from study groups an entire course in fifty pages,
shepardize and rewrite rejected including exam questions and answers.
law review articles. - Discover the neighborhood bar.
- Sit primly in class since no - Discover that some female students
longer need to answer questions. have been dating professors.
Second Year, Second Semester:
- Reject numerous marriage proposals. - Stop studying and worrying about
- Date law review editor in chief. women/men.
Male or female. - Go to summer job interviews around
- Be accepted into a law review. the clock.
- Accept summer position at firm - Begin drinking heavily and smoking
where father used to work. becoming more habitual.
Second Year, Summer:
- Internship at one thousand - Work as a senior auto mechanic.
dollars a week.
Third Year, First Semester:
- Accept offer to return to large - Worry about getting a law job paying
firm as associate. more than the interests due on student
- Strike up strong friendship with loan.
professors since the only student - Marry a fellow student who remains
still attending class. friendly with a professor.
- Publish law review article on the - Stop going to classes.
impact of sexual discrimination - Engrave name on stool at the bar.
on socio-economic realities.
Third Year, Second Semester:
- Take time off for a trip to Europe. - Divorce, file counter claim against
ex-spouse.
- Interview around the clock.
- Don't remember where the law school
is.
Graduation, Summer:
- Arrange to take bar exam in - Study for bar exam using a booklet
Florence , Italy. synopsizing the law in ten pages.
- Take bar exam in lousy neighborhood.
- Get mugged.
- Reconsile with ex-spouse since will
be working eighty hour weeks anyway.
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