💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › icm.hum captured on 2023-01-29 at 08:25:40.
⬅️ Previous capture (2020-10-31)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Another First for ICM The Inoperable Computer Machines (ICM), which recently (MODERN DATA, April 1983) made headlines with its introduction of a truly third generation computer, has again illustrated its pioneering spirit by developing a radically new employee performance appraisal procedure. By reducing the appraisal process to a simple chart scheme, shown below, the ICM has enabled the manager to recognize quickly the strengths and weaknesses of his employees. _______________________________________________________________________________ Performance Degrees _______________________________________________________________________________ Performance | Excellent Very Good Good Fair Unsatisfactory Factors | (1 in 15) (3 in 15) (8 in 15) (2 in 15) (1 in 15) | Far Exceeds Exceeds Job Meets Needs Does Not Meet | Job Require- Require- Job Improve- Minimum | ments ments Require- ment Requirements | ments _______________________________________________________________________________ Quality | Leaps tall Must take Can only Crashes Walks | buildings a runnung leap over into into | with a start to a short barns walls | single leap over garage | bound a house _______________________________________________________________________________ Timeliness | Faster As fast Slower Slower Dances | than a as a than a than a on | speeding speeding cannonball freight three | bullet bullet train feet _______________________________________________________________________________ Initiative | Stronger Stronger Stronger Shoots Has the | than a than a bull than a the aroma of | locomotive elephant bull bull a bull _______________________________________________________________________________ Adaptability| Walks on Walks on Swims Passes Needs | water water in in weak a | emergencies water water bath _______________________________________________________________________________ Communica- | Talks Talks Talks Argues Loses tion | with with to with those Skills | God angels himself himself arguments _______________________________________________________________________________