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From joe@bram.UUCP Sat Dec 8 11:28:48 1990
From: joe@bram.UUCP (Joe Saladino)
Subject: Funny (true) Church stories
As promised, here are the few funny church stories I received. I wish
we would have had more.
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From: uunet!ccs.carleton.ca!colinm@verdix.com (Colin McFadyen)
Organization: Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada
Many years ago I used to attend a church in Chesterville, Ontario
when I lived in the country. The pastor was a rather long winded
fellow who had no probllem lulling more than a few members of his
congregation to sleep with his sermons. Anyway on one very hot and
muggy July Sunday when he was in the pulpit ready to start his
sermon he began with:
"I received an anonymous letter from one of you this week. It
simply said, 'Sermons should be like pie crust, short and sweet.'."
After that he left the pulpit and proceeded with the mass.
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From: uunet!watmath!watcsc.waterloo.edu!jak@verdix.com (Jack Sinclair)
The following are some misinterpreted offerings from the land of Christianity:
"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they
can be seen in the curch basement Friday afternoon."
"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church
So ends a friendship that began in school days.
" The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delighbt of the audience."
"Thursdays at 5p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.
All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the
study."
"Due to the rector's illness, Wdnesday's healing services will be discontinued
until further notice."
"Today's sermon : "HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?", with hymns from a full choir."
"on a chuch bulletin board:
GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better"
"Don't let worry kill you - let the church help"
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From: James A Demes <uunet!brahms.udel.edu!demes@verdix.com>
Organization: University of Delaware
Once, a young child asked my mother how to spell CCD.
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From: ogicse!acsu.buffalo.edu!nawrocki (richard v nawrocki)
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Back in the late 1940's, when my mother was growing up in Buffalo, New
York (U.S.A.), all the pubescent guys in her (Roman Catholic) church would
make certain that when Confession time rolled around, it was a certain elder
priest from the Old Country (Poland), whose English was not the best, who was
attending the Confessionals. When Confessing, each guy would say, "Well, I
diddled a little" to describe recent intimate acts with ladies. The priest,
not entirely conversant with English idiom, would let this slip by, and the
guy would receive a relatively light Penance.
Well, one day during Confession hour, near the end of attending to a group
of guys (most of whom remained in the Church afterwards, since the tendency was
to arrive and leave as a group), somebody finally told the priest what was
meant by the phrase "I diddled a little." The priest immediately leaped out of
the Confessional and cried out, "Okay, all you diddlers, get back here!"
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One sunday morning just before the sermon was to be given, a dignified
elderly lady was telling the children a story. The story was about a
robber and how they come when you least expect it. She looked at the
children and said "What do you call someone who comes into your house
and takes your posessions?" A childs voice which resounded throughout
the church exclaimed, "I'd call him a Son-of-a-bitch!"
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Hope you enjoyed these. Send me some more if you have a mind to and I'll
be sure to make another posting if there is enough stories.
Have a happy and joyfull holiday season.
--
Regards... __ ___ __
|__) |_ ) |__| |\/| {joe@bram.UUCP}
Joe Saladino @ |__) | \ | | | | Corporation {verdix!bram!joe}
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