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Stealth Systems Product Listings
1987 Edition
Steven D. Drucker - President, Commander-in-chief, head egomaniac.
Introducing the new 1987 product line which the nerds we keep in
our back rooms worked unreasonable hours to produce for little
monetary gain...
"Clumsy Rambo Knife" - Never cut yourself again, or anything else
for that matter. Our stainless plastic knife is guaranteed to be
absolutly safe or your money back.
"Super-Deluxe Squirt Gun - Our jet powered RPG squirt gun can be
used against your friends. After play, Dad can take it and use
the high powered pressurized nozzle to wash the car. Flip the
switch to DESTROY and take out that unfriendly neighbor. Only
$750.
Attack Craft: Yes, you've seen it on star trek and taken control
in the arcades. Now is your chance to own a squadron of
F.A.R.T.S. - Fighter Airborne Response Tactical Ship. Join Oliver
North in helping the contras or set up your own pacific island
regime. This baby carries state of the art QUADPULSE laser canons
with sidewinder missile cappability. A must for Christmas! List
price: 1 million.
ARMY SURPLUS NUCLEAR TIMER: Yes, you too can now possess the same
timer that controlled the detonation over Hiroshima in 1945!
Fully armed and guaranteed to get that lazy sleeper out of bed in
the morning. Snooze button doubles as detonator. Only $25
Demon Worshippers Handbook: You've listened to those Bon_Jovi
records backwards, now read about what they're talking about.
Learn to cast spells, perform sacrafices, and other neat stuff.
Kids- Here's your big chance to get back at that nasty teacher who
tried to flunk you last semester! Only 2.50.
CPR Cards: It's nearing graduation. Have you taken your CPR
course yet? With these you don't have to! Simply sign your name,
forge a doctors signature, and show it to your principal! The
perfect gift for a high school senior. $15 blank $50 forged.
These and many other interesting items await you in our showroom
or call 1-800-DUMSTUF, thats 1-800-D U M - S T U F and we thank
you for your support.