💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 1152 captured on 2023-01-29 at 03:04:30. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Hey, ~bartender. A cup of Joe or a green tea would be nice, if I may?
First, this post was inspo'd by the recent (good, genuine) post by ~orchard, and I am proud of you, happy for your future and the possibilities therein :)
But the issue OF fatherhood just happened to be on my mind this AM. Then I see the post and think: "yea, I'll write about it".
I am not a father. I'm 39 years old and I had a dog once, severely disliked dog ownership (the dog was ok, though), and in terms of "life responsibilities", I don't even have a driver's license. Never did.
But in regards to my late-father, I just got his ashes + a memoriam piece from his funeral, and a photo of us back from my sister "C" this AM, which she had for reasons.
And seeing the items + thinking in gentle passing usually a few times a week of: "man, glad I didn't have kids", and then the ~orchard entry, I (re)think to myself: "yea, I'm glad I DON'T have kids".
I just couldn't. In any way. Physically I *can* have a kid (or kids), but the lifestyle and responsibility would crush me. I was barely raised by MY parents, and was left to be on my own accord from a very young age, like many a 1980s/90s reckless youth, who usually end up "ending" before their life expectancy due to wild environments, weird "life" situations, etc
So, if I (say accidentally) had a kid, I would A) do anything in the world to be with him/her and put my best foot forward every step of the way, and B) have to figure out everything it (parenting) was, and had to offer, as a trial by fire learning experience of "how to bond", "how to make friends", etc.
I spend little to no time thinking of these (hypotheticals) because I never had a "good" (meaning sincere) personal relationship with a woman, and always had the best chemistry and fun with a guy (because bi).
But, unlike the days of my 20's I do not "shit" on other people's joy/happiness. I do not feel "elite" that I am without a child, nor do I feel a moment of envy towards anyone with.
Every deserves what makes them happy in life :)
So, with the concoction of either tea or coffee being served barside now, I shall go back to the ole bloggo and write some stuff there.
later!
That is a valid decision. I think the decision ( or the wish) of parenthood entirely depends upon the kind of parenting the said person has been through. For me, I guess I would like to be there for someone same way my dad did.
Wish I hadn't. Had no idea what I was doing, and wasn't with someone who could have helped/challenged me in a direction that might have ended well.
Instead, there's likely permanent disassociation, and given what I know (or is it believe?) about how stories develop unassisted by those closest to ground zero of what inspired them, I can't imagine the possibility of getting "back on track".
It's just over. And it's sad because I think I have the skills to communicate with sufficient nuance. But I've no faith in others willingness - let alone ableness - to dive deeply into what others actually mean, i.e. beyond one's own meanings/interpretations/biases.
And, of course, that lack of faith would likely doom any possibilities even if said willingness/ableness were present at the other end of the waxed string whose wax has mostly melted.
My father was pretty much the opposite of ~orchard's father. Everything was behind schedule and over budget. I know I will not reproduce. As I grow older, I cannot help but understand more and more why people have kids in the first place however.
Barkeep, I could use a White Lady over here. And a saucer of cream for Smudge if you've got any.
I'm 44, and I haven't had children. Just cats, and recently a dog. It's not that I didn't want to have kids; if I was determined to not have kids I would have been more consistent about wearing condoms.
Instead, my wife kinda wanted kids, and I was OK with it if it happened. We certainly had fun trying, but it just never worked out. Probably a good thing, to be honest.