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  =====>                      VacHaus provisionals                      <===== 
    / /                   a TNtD (Try Not to Die) drop                   \\    

                                 A Poetry tDrop

                                  by Wetdryvac
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Ceremonial Convictions
August 18, 2022

at the front of the room
someone ��s reading out the year ��s awards
because clearly journalism
has gotten out of hand
via decorative trophies  ��
as atrophy applies purely
where written word has been

least clever violation of a topiary
comes with a lance, bent at the grip
made from a stop sign

most protracted painful sound
from a lavatory facility
clearly violates RCA ��s famous commercial
denoting his master ��s voice  ��
only the dog ��s expression has changed
to one of unmitigated fear

though in the audience we find
no-one blinking  �� by now
we ��ve gotten used to the horror

vilest public degradation
of an embarrassing office
has a cloth draped over it, which so far
no soul has been brave enough to remove
bloke beside me swears up and down
it ��s a bag of wint-o-green life savers
which, given it matches his breath
may be personally witnessed

most incriminating skin rash in a houseboat
well, I looked away for that one
some part of me unwilling to witness  ��
sure my boss has taken the prize  ��
bloke next to me having gone pale
muttering darkly into a handkerchief
crunching another candy  ��
did you see that

least dignified vocalization while shagging
to the surprise of absolutely no-one
has gone to that most infamous politician
easily identified by personal bronzed accoutrement
in nine-point Times New Roman
a single word along the underside  ��
denied

longest winded blowhard in Texas
after four violent disagreements
has landed somehow in New York City
a resident of the state so profoundly bloviating
that our local Texans  �� we have three of  ��em  ��
spoke in favor, ending all contest
but refusing festivities attendance
in clear foresight and providence

shortest interval between church farts
this year ��s winner equally open to debate
and may in fact be disqualified
due to use of mechanical assistance  ��
neither this trophy
nor the one for Texas
can be separated

smarmiest person at a political convention
wasn ��t even a contest
wasn ��t even the beginning of a contest
being the reason and example for
the Texas church fart combined
all effort, no shame on chili night
prayer for redemption double pasta bowl
dual category castigation

other trophies, still under warps
never to be displayed, waver in that foul presence
upon the speaking of the recipient ��s full name
as from the very orchestral pits
arises a howl so vulgar
only four attendees survive

myself, having gone into denial
and the editors for arts and entertainment
who, admittedly, are probably by now
immune to everything

swilling coffee in the aftermath
A and E Lad One ashes his cigarette
directly into this own shoe
set on the café table for the purpose
smoking  �� and thus ash-trays  �� being illegal

why don ��t you write up the whole shindig
that way I don ��t have to touch it
but you know, don ��t mention the [redacted]
dragging [redacted] off to eternal [redacted]
but make it a poem

welcome to A and E

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    
    With thanks to the good folks at Hackers.Town for answering the very
    n00best of questions, with the following people politely [REDACTED].
    May your time go in a manner you consent to.
    
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    
    IRC [REDACTED]
    Poetry, Short Form, With Contact https://writing.exchange/@wetdryvac
    Poetry, Long Form, With Contact https://landofkittens.social/Wetdryvac
    Web https://www.wetdryvac.net
    KoFi https://ko-fi.com/wetdryvac
    Links https://linktr.ee/wetdryvac
    MATRIX [REDACTED]
    BBS [REDACTED]
    Primary mastodon residence, With Contact https://hackers.town/@Wetdryvac
    All the other coms access points [REDACTED]

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